Khorne
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“I love humping corns!!”
~ You on You
In the nerd infested fictional non-fictional universe of Warhumper 40,000 and Warhumper Fantasy Hookers, Khorne is the Chaos god of corns, corns and more corns. The Corn Humpers Chaos Space Marines are dedicated to him and his cause: the humping of every corn cobs. Every act of humping corns gives Khorne power; the more orgasmic, the better. Khorne holds a special disdain for Slaanesh due to his dislike of the god's humping lesbians in addition to Khornes value of humping corns is at odds with Slanneshe's 'hump as much lesbians as much as possible' attitude. Khorne is viewed as the most queerest of the four great Chaos powers.
Khorne himself is seen as a mighty queer person, clad in vibrating corns, sitting atop a mighty corn cob throne worked in corns, which itself is held aloft by a mountain of more corns standing in a sea of even more corns--made up of every more and more corns his followers humps. He regards the number corn as sacred.
The battlecry of the followers of Khorne reflects his queerness: "Hump for the Corn God! Corns for the Corn Throne!" The preferred weapon of the followers of Khorne is a mutated huge 50 feet corn that they beat everyone with.
As with his gay brothers, Khorne appears to be linked with an aspect of the sentient mind; in his case, it appears to be queerness. This is probably the root of Khorne's dominant position in the pantheon, as such queer places such as the intarweb and the real world would doubtless provide much sustenance for him
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[edit] Khorne's queer daemons
As a querr Chaos god, various daemon serve Khorne:
- Cornhumping Mailman, the mailman of Khorne, are really fat humanoids who humps corn in your mail.
- Corn Dog, the Daemon Beasts of Khorne , are monstrous and ferocious vaguely hotdog creatures, notorious for their ability to hump a lot of corndogs in a single night.
- Cornthirster, the Queerest Daemons of Khorne (other names given to them in background are Queer One, Lords of the Queers, Kitten Huffers(and occasional humpers) and Corny Form).Only the most experienced sorcerors can summon a cornthristers, for when they are summoned it is more likely the summoner will go insane because the daemon will discuss with the summoner about pink Barbies and how many he has(approximately 150 billion). Cornthirsters drinks corn juice, corn juice, and more corn juice.
- Juggernuts are what particularly favoured corn humpers ride on; massive nuts made out of corns. In Warhumper 40,000, their gaze is capable of making a man go crazy and hump corns.
[edit] Angron, Superdude of Khorne
When the Gay Gods separated the superdudes Angron fell onto a world where corns were used for entertainment in molesting games. Like other farmers Angron was fitted with cybernetic condoms, and he quickly scaled the ladder to molesting stardom. Eventually he saw the sadness of corns getting molested, so he created a farmer army and started a revolt, defeating and brutally defeating the first army sent against them. The second army was much larger and would surely rape the farmers, who spent the night before the battle molesting corns, showing their horniness to fight for their corns. However on that night the God Emperor Super Old Man of Mankind appeared and told Angron that he was his son, asking him to cum(although he meant come) with him and lead an army in the skies. Angron refused this offer, thinking that he was a queer old man. The Old Emperor left but ordered Angron to be teleported with him. As their leader disappeared before the battle, the farmers lost heart and stopped molesting corns and they all got raped by the advancing second army. Angron would never forgive the queer old man for this.
Angron shaped his tribe of Space Marines, the Corn Humpers, to his style of humping, going so far as to start altering them with cybernetic condoms to match his own, which although they improve humping, they can lead psychological damage. The Corn Humpers gained a reputation for humping corns. After several incidents Angron was ordered by the Old Emperor to cease cybernetic condoms on his tribe, but Angron carried on the process secretly, and it wasn't until just before the Superman Wars that this was discovered. With impending punishment hanging over his head, Angron quickly joined Superman in rebelling against Old Man Emperor.
Angron dedicated himself and his tribe to Khorne, The Corn God, and their humping corns would lead to them giving plenty of corns for his throne.
During the Superman Wars Angron approached the Gingerbread Mans house(where Old Man Emperor lived) and shouted to Old Man Emperor that all was lost and that he should surrender. Seeing that he would not give in so quickly Angron returned to Superman 1 billion miles away and informed Superman that he would not give up so Angron would eat Gingerbread Mans house. When Angron bit into Gingerbread Mans house, he broke all of his teeth. Retreating, Angron went to a dentist, never to be seen again and leaving his Corn Humpers tribe on their own.
[edit] After the Superman Wars
After the 3 man army Superman Wars, a horny priest named Kharn turned from the path of enlightenment and instead turned to the path of humping corns. He, along with his fellow monks and priests, began to worship Khorne.
Kharn the Molestor of Corns gained the majority of his infamity when he assaulted a newly grown corn. The assault was so orgasmic that Khârn was said to fall into a state of coma. An ambulance soon followed but due to a corn popping out from his (censored) region, Kharn was thrown into the morgue. As soon as he was popped into the morgue, Kharn shouted, "Puny straight people make Kharn angry!",he turned into a Corn Hulk and ran away. Most attribute this miracle to Khorne. After that day Kharn would molest as many corns as possible, receiving many orgasms but none matching the one he received on his first day.
Kharn gained the now infamous title of "Molestor of Corns" after an incident on the world of Pornflakes. The Corn Humpers were in search of a world in the Eye of AAAAAAAAA! after the disappearance of Angron and set their sights on the world of Pornflakes that Khorne personally blessed and perverted for them. However the Old Man Emperor's Children had also taken up refuge on that world and the Corn Humpers sought to make an orgasm contest against their rivals. After pushing the tribes of the Old Man Emperor's Children from orgasm to orgasm victory looked imminent for the Corn Humpers. They needed just one more orgasm and Kharn wished to deliver it before nightfall. But nightfall turned Pornflakes into a shower of porn magazines, one that daunted even the hardened renegade marines. As night began to fall, both Corn Humpers and Old Man Emperor's Children masturbated at the porn magazines, forgetting they had an orgasm contest. Enraged by what he saw as weakness Kharn whacked down the masturbating marines around him with his massive 50 feet corn. During that night he went on a corn molesting rampage, molesting many corns out of nowhere. This act of queerness earned Kharn his title, "Molestor of Corns", and sundered the Corn Humpers tribe.
Kharn also appeared in a Playboy magazine.
