Correct English
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Correct English is often labeled as the least spoken form of English on Earth and, quite possibly, the universe (there's still some dispute on Mars and Pluto, though).
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Contents |
[edit] Uses
Correct English can be use for several purposes:
- To look knowledgable without actually knowing anything
- To be hated on the internet
- To be hated in the south
- To be hated anywhere
- To get an A in Language Arts
- To get beat up on the playground after school
- To summon demons from the underworld to feed on the flesh of the living
- Ignore that last one
So, as you can see. There are not many significant reasons for speaking Correct English. That is why Incorrect English is so popular.
[edit] Types of Incorrect English
[edit] Ebonics "Yo yo yo Dawg! I'm a brother which mean I'm a go out 'n make sum rap CD so dat honky teens luv me and try t'talks like me! Byatch!" - Moe Jones (a black person) Correct English Translation: I am African-American, which means I shall go forth and produce a rap album, so that Caucasian adolescents will love me and try to imitate my style of speech. People who speak this language: Blacks, Teens. [edit] Internet Speak "Y DID U EV3N POST SOM3THNG AS STUPID AS TAHT FAG??!?!!? OMG LOL I HAET U1!!1 OMG WTF LOL" - CheeseMonkey4667 (a user of the internet) Correct English Translation: Why did you even post something so unintelligent as that, O, thou homosexual? How I do pity you! People who speak this language: Anybody on the internet, Teens. [edit] Valley Girl "Like, Oh my gawd! Like, Brad was all like 'I love you' and I was all like 'Gag me with a spoon!'. You know?! - Tiffany Morganson (some girl) Correct English Translation: Brad said that he was enamoured with me, and this revelation did not please me. People who speak this language: Females (predominantly of American origin) up to age 25, Teens. |
[edit] Redneck "Martha! Git th' water hose! Dern Billy Bob is stuck in th' pipe agin!" - Jonathan Hicksmith (redneck) Correct English Traslation: Billy Bob is stuck in the pipe again, and we shall require a water hose to get him out, Martha. People who speak this language: The Majority of Southern and/or Dumb Americans, Teens. [edit] Didn't Take Enough English Classes "You buy fish? Only five dollar!" - Joe Wang (Chinese-American) Correct English Translation: Would you like to purchase some fish? They cost only five dollars. People who speak this language: Many Asian-Americans, Teens.
[edit] Terrorists "m' nim is Puunjab, I widg JIHAD! alalalalalalalalalah!" - Puunjab Ifucmygoat (Muslim American) Correct English Translation: Hello, good sir, my name is Puunjab and I have declared holy war, or indeed, Jihad, upon your infidel bottoms! PRAISE ALLAH! People who speak this language: Osama Bin Laden, Taxi Drivers, Goat Burger Vendors, Puunjab, Teens. |
