Cosmetic surgery
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“'Twas foretold upon my pate, that such a blade shall rend it beautiful! Breasts!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Cosmetic Surgery
Cosmetic surgery (See: chicken evisceration) is a form of surgery contributing to the end of insecurity through implanting various substances (namely silicone, but at times dolomite and chicken bones) in one's less-attractive body parts, or other methods of localized orderly micro-slaughter. This is rarely considered a form of medicine which would be of any boon to the advancement of mankind in any manner, unless one takes into consideration its effects on increased breeding, in conjunction with alcohol consumption and the curious lack of contraception.
[edit] Invention
Cosmetic surgery was invented by accident by a Dr. Milton Thomas Edgerton, a (now former) professional torturer while carving out a line for the game "Connect the Stab Wounds" on one of his clients, a favored Chinese pastime. Late in Dr. Edgerton's career as a torture artist, his work was discovered by an emerging Michael Jackson, which officially started Cosmetic Surgery as we know it today, subsequently serving as an example of What Not To Do for all medical students in residency today.
