Crack whore
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| This article loves your mom, and your mom loves it back. |
“And you know what else about women? They're all crack whores. Every single goddamned one of 'em.”
~ Your drunken stepfather on crack whores
“Two dolla make u holla!”
~ Crack whore on her services
Unfortunately, while they may be cheap, crack whores are never attractive. Many are also trannies.
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[edit] Crack Whore History
Crack whores were invented during the height of the Roman civilization as a side effect of economic engineering sponsored by Egyptian Queen Cleopatra. She began farming and refining crack ore from the Isle of Lesbos with plans of distributing it throughout the ghettos of Rome, Greece, and San Francisco. Once they were hooked on this refined crack and physically weakened, her armies could easily suppress these rampant homosexuals and invade.
Soon, crack whores began to walk the earth. Unfortunately, Cleopatra became a crack whore herself, leading to several doomed marriages, weight fluctuations, and a friendship with Michael Jackson.
[edit] Stages of Crack Whoredom
- Stage One: A crack whore begins life as your daughter. You ignore her, leaving her abandoned and unloved. Knowing that she is worthless, she begins to obsess over her weight, believing that by becoming thin, she will be pretty and will eventually be loved by you. Stupid bitch.
- Stage Two: To help in weight loss, and to anesthetize the feelings of worthlessness, she will try crack. Immediately, crack ensnares her desires, becoming her only reason to live.
- Stage Three: She runs out of money. She no longer cares for food. Hell, she doesn't care about sex either. Only crack.
- Stage Four: When she realizes her orifices are the only thing of any value to the world, she achieves true enlightenment. Buddhist monks spend their entire lives trying to figure this out, but don't have vaginas, so they never do.
- Stage Five: She becomes your mom. Not quite sure how this works but it must involve an awful lot of crack.
[edit] Stuff to Try with Crack Whores
Will DVDA break a bitch in two? Donkey punch sound like fun? Wanna see what a Dirty Sanchez looks like? Try it! Why not, she doesn't care as long as she gets her crack.
Bitch start giving you lip? Smack that ho!
If things get a little too rough, you may have a dead hooker on your hands. Don't panic. Here's how to hide it. Remember, MAKE SURE IT'S DEAD.
[edit] Cracked Hoe
Not to be confused with crack whores, a cracked hoe is indeed a broken garden tool. However, this is a fitting metaphor for crack whores, who are soulless, useless in the grand scheme of the world, and ultimately, the more they are used, the dirtier they get.
