Crawford, Texas
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Crawford, Texas, pop. 322, is the capital of the world. The main industry in Crawford is the Republican Party.
Famous for the fact that its Mayor and its village idiot are one in the same person, Crawford is also the home of America's sweetheart, George W. Bush.
Nothing ever happens in Crawford because much of the town is in the fourth dimension, and the water supply is laced with thorazine. Bill Gates got his nipples pierced there in August, 1947.
Crawford's sister city Chernobyl, in the former Soviet Union, is reputed to be the summer home of Herbert "Big Daddy" Bush, the famed software developer for the DICKTRON 9000, better known as Dick Cheney, the current President of the United States.
Crawford first became famous in 1933 as Home to one of Walt Disney's most beloved characters, Dopey!
Crawford is also home to the Annual Condoleezza Rice Patty Bingo Festival. This is where most Crawfordians meet and breed, during the romantic "Return of the Hogs" when large numbers of migratory wild hogs return to Crawford from their winter quarters in Washington, DC. Legend has it that the late French cabaret chanteuse David Koresh (Vernon Wayne Howell) was conceived here as the illegitimate love child of John Ashcroft and Janet Reno. Koresh later distanced himself from the uneducated, inbred freaks of Crawford and moved across town to Waco, where he became famous as a men's fashion designer, perhaps best known for successfully bringing back charcoal pants and the smoking jacket.
