Crazy Frog
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| |
| Crazy Frog | |
|---|---|
| Japanese name | The Annoying Thing |
| Evolves to | Frogger |
| Generation | Third |
| Species | World Domination Frog Pokemon |
| Type | Water |
| Height | 3 Feet |
| Weight | 36 Metric Tons |
| Ability | Mind Control |
| Next Pokemon | Dickachu |
| Previous Pokemon | Grue |
“A ring ding ding, bing-a ding ding ding brrrr... [incoherent noises].”
~ Oscar Wilde on Crazy Frog
Crazy Frog, or as the French would say, Le Crésie Freugue, is a subliminal mind-control device masquerading as a mobile phone ringtone. It is quite possibly Oprah's most evil creation to date. The character has triggered international outrage, including the formation of the Anti-Frog Militia.
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[edit] Creation of the Crazy Frog
It is said that Crazy Frog was created when A typical every-day frog (Lets call him frog) wanted to cross the road with a group of his friends. The poor frogs also had to cross A stream. A FREAKIN STREAM!! His friends tried to dodge the traffic and not fall in the HIGHLY DANGEROUS STREAM but all failed. Frog was the only one left and being a bit of a cunt he said " If you cant beat em, join em!" and joined the traffic. People who drove past, saw Frog trying to be a motor vehicle but didn't really care. Hence the name Crazy Frog.
[edit] Origins
Following her foiled attempt at world domination in the year 20582 through the use of time compression (See Final Fantasy VIII), Oprah decided to lie low for a while, concocting yet another scheme to take over the world in a manner not requiring a democratic mandate. Despite the destruction of Oprah's Great Big Memory Wiping Device, which was instrumental in getting people to watch her show and the subliminal messages it contained, the research and development that went into the latter was not lost.
With the development and wide popularity of new mobile phone technology that allowed the user to have practically any sound (bar the traditional "ring") to signify an incoming call, Oprah realised that this was to be the medium of choice for her next attempt. Between the years 20585 and 20589, Oprah and her crack team of evil-but-nevertheless-intellectually-astute minions re-engineered the messaging technology used in the television show for delivery as a premium mobile ringtone.
In 20590, after five years of intensive buggering around, drinking too much coffee, and finally cobbling something together in the last week, Crazy Frog was ready to go live. Crazy Frog would be marketed on every music television channel in the world (a move which would later prove to add to Crazy Frog's demise); and sooner or later, millions of young people were parting with their hard-grifted cash for the simple luxury of having their own phones brain them. as well as a planets supply of coffee the creation of the crazy from required various drugs; speed, heroin and ecstacy just to name a few.
[edit] Description
| Parts of this article were originally sporked from Wikipedia. |
Crazy Frog depicts a fictional, reptilian biped, who wears an early Royal Air Force style flying cap and goggles with the chinstrap unfastened, along with a leather jacket. He also has a small dangling penis which is no bigger than a baby's finger; because of this, many often confuse him for Jimmy Carter. His toes are webbed, and his eyes and nose look remarkably similar to Oprah's. In fact, his irises bear the same hypnotic "have-you-taken-your-lithium-today" stare.
The little Blu-Tac-coloured Smurf-orc menace imitates the hand movements used to rotate the twistgrip controls of an imaginary moped while delivering the subliminal payload (see below) with his distinctive chatter. As the imaginary engine starts, the character starts to levitate and exhaust fumes are discharged from his body. The character is then flung off at high speed into the distance.
[edit] The Crazy Frog message
Once activated, the Crazy Frog ringtone dispenses its message thus:
- A-ding ding ding ding dididing ding bing bing pscht,
- Dorhrm bom bom bedom bem bom bedom bom bum ba ba bom bom,
- Bouuuuum bom bom bedahm, Bom be barbedarm bedabedabedabeda
- Bbrrrrrimm bbrrrrramm bbbrrrrrrrrraammmmm ddddddraammm,
- Bah bah baah baah ba wheeeeeee-eeeee-eeeee!
Subliminal message specialists have run the message through sophisticated modern subliminal analysis algorithms in order to obtain a translation, The most recent being due to the CLEVERDICK-3 system by Professor Sir Albran Flakes. It reads as follows:
- The memory wiping thing was a bit crap, yes, but it's all forgotten now.
- This shit's much, much better! You can use it to piss off your friends,
- Their dog Bono, and their Granny. And when you've got no friends left,
- I, Oprah will be there to deliver you unto my loving bosom.
- All hail Oprah, merciful Opraaaa-aaaaa-aaaah!
However, the Professor has also conceded the possibility that, subject to being slowed down, Crazy Frog was nothing more than Justin Timberlake's latest single, or even the burbling of some Swedish computer salesman who thinks he sounds like a two-stroke engine.
[edit] Decline
Despite its initial success, Crazy Frog is now in something of a decline. A number of theories as to why this is have been put forward. Firstly, a large portion of those who downloaded the ringtone were viciously and mysteriously bludgeoned to death with their own mobile phones by those who found the sound abhorrent and contrary to all that is Good and Nutritious. Secondly, most of the world's population had seen Crazy Frog advertised on MTV; however, the addition of a voice-over not only rendered the subliminal effects useless, but also immunised viewers to the effects of the ringtone itself (a miscalculation on the part of Oprah). Most experts agree that it was a combination of one or more of these factors which eventually frustrated yet another one of Oprah's plans for world domination.
[edit] Grand Plan
Eventually, with the incredible boom of Jamster's animals on all forms of media, such that said animals are just barely visible on the moon, Jamster's master plan will soon be in action. Soon people will be brought to the brink of sanity by the frog. As a result, hundreds of televisions will be thrown from skyscrapers at a time, thousands of innocent bystanders will be crushed, mobile phones will be stolen and destroyed by passers-by that hear the tone, and soon, everyone will lose their sanity, or their will to live. The remaining sane ones will be crushed by televisions, radios, and telephones that are falling from tall buildings, planes and satellites. After the global insanity and paranoia, Jamster, immune to its own effects, will seize control. We must take them out now.
As such, I am calling on the aid of all military forces, all pyromaniacs, all gangs and all terrorists to do your duty - your duty to track down the Jamster headquarters and in an organised strike - or disorganised, I don't really care - the point is that you need to waste those singers, musicians and animators. No man must be left standing, nor any annoying CGI animal, because if I have to see that frog again I will personally start this wave of insanity, and that is a promise!
[edit] The end of Crazy Frog
[edit] See also
- Oprah's Great Big Memory Wiping Device
- Those ads down the left hand side (unless you've blocked them, you freeloading bastard) that sell patented subliminal technology
[edit] But don't see also
[edit] External link
(Kermit, Ms. Piggy, and that Swedish Guy however, are fair game.)
Categories: Sporks | Oprah | World domination | Pokemon
