Creature from the Black Lagoon

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“What a cheap money making scheme, Pity I didn’t think of it.”

~ Oscar Wilde on the making of Creature from the Black Lagoon

“He's from the Black Lagoon.”

~ Captain Obvious on where the Creature lives

“Great Guy, good pet, great politician”

~ John Howard on the Creature

The Creature from the Black Lagoon is a poor misunderstood monster that was created by Universal studios to cash in on the Monster Mayhem films that were so popular during the 1950’s. The Creature himself is one of the infamous Universal Horror family being the youngest of his 7 siblings (being Dracula, Frankenstein, the Mummy, The Invisible Man, The Wolf Man, The Hunchback and the Phantom). He spent a lot of his early life in a drug plantation in Colombia. Like his brothers, he went on to make 3 films and become a well-known Australian Premier of Queensland before retiring to his ancestral home in the Black Lagoon.

[edit] Early Life

The Creature was born in 1949 somewhere in the distant parts of Transylvania. His parents, at once abandoned the poor Creature in front of Dracula’s castle. Thankfully Jesus took pity on him and the Count Dracula found him. Dracula immediately brought the whole family over and they had a family portrait of the entire family taken. (Extended including Frankenstein’s bride but excluding their crappy useless tools of relatives The Phantom and the Hunchback who were pissed that Abbott and Costello were continually refusing their pleas to meet them.)

He continued to live in Transylvania till Dracula decided to move to Colombia so he could get the morphine that he needed. With his vast fortune he bought a Plantation where they lived until he left home to begin his career as a reality-film maker.

[edit] Films

The Creature managed to make three documentaries from the footage he collected from the security cameras. These films made plenty of money for the greedy executives at Universal studios before he angrily left after they branded his films cheap B-Grade Films by their head Jarryd Roberts.

[edit] The Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954)

The first film in the series consists of footage from security cameras placed throughout the Black Lagoon where he lived. The Basic plot of the footage consists of footage of Nosey scientists entering his home. After Blowing up his joint with 50 tons of Dynamite they wonder why he starts killing him and soon enough half of there party end up dead. After clubbing him close to death they finally leave.

[edit] Revenge of the Creature (Also known as in Soviet Bosnia as The Creature gets Pissed) 1955

After the first film the Scientists who died in the first charge the Creature with criminal offences (with no proof) and get a new group of scientists to catch him and bring him to the marine park before he would be executed. They knock the Creature out with more TNT (and some drugs) and bring him back to America to be executed. However the Creature managed to escape his cell and proceeds to attempt to escape back to the Black Lagoon. However the entire police force come after him and proceed to fire their entire arsenal at him before he collapses and again nearly dies. This film was made with a lot of footage from police videos.

[edit] The Creature Walks among us (Or The Creature gets Plastic Surgery) 1956

In his final film Scientists track down the Creature before he can get home. They manage to set him on fire and burn his face so horribly that he won’t live unless he gets surgery. After this they take him to a Re-Education center. From there the entire film revolves around a wife basher and his efforts to hide the fact. However after a man calls him a Wife Basher, he kills him and proceeds to frame the Creature. However the creature who is really pissed know proceeds to go on a rampage through the house wrecking it until he kills the man and goes to court.

[edit] Political Career

After his bad career with the Film Industry he decided to follow his Hero, Ronald Regan decided to begin a career in Politics. After many, many Years he was finally elected Supreme Dictator (Or Premier) of Queensland, Australia. He headed the Liberal Party in Queensland for many years until he had them liquidated and assumed complete power for himself. Despite this act, the people loved him and for many years he ruled. Major achievements during his Reign of Terror included the eradication of all of Queensland’s Emos, the Great Bride to New Zealand, the construction of the big Banana and forcing all boat people from Australia (Fix your own dam country!) He also banned fast food Dictatorships from building colonies for many years unit a nice bribe fell under his nose. He Headed the Queensland Space Programme and transported the Black Lagoon to Australia (Modern Science is a wonderful thing). The Creature retired in 2006 to look after his family of Gill-Men.

[edit] Personal life

The Creature married Julia Adams (One of the scientists in the first film) in 1960. He has 3 Children whose names are Nellie, Sigrid and Ronald (After his Hero). In the 1990’s he was said to be having an affair with Chucky’s Bride however this was proven false and him and Chucky are still good friends. The Creature is a devoted Anglican and attends Church every Sunday and is as of this writing in Jesus’ Good Books. His daughter Nellie married Pugsley Addams in the 70’s and so the Creatures fortunes are now richer as the Addam’s family is billionaires. His friends include Chucky (Best Mate), Jesus, Abbott and Costello, John Howard, and Kevin Rudd (and his pet monkeys).