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When Poland seceded from Michigan in 1929, the Poles wanted to do something different with their new constitution. While Michigan had a long tradition of having only one punishment for criminals-- confinement to a tropical resort for varying lengths of time, in accordance with the severity of the crime, Poland thought this to be too ridiculous.

Poland decided to allow some more humane punishments, collectively termed cruel and unusual punishments. Among them included the death penalty, to be given only in two forms; hanging, electrocution, goring by wild ox and starvation.

The tropical resort was remodeled into a proper prison, the solitary confinement area was banned from the Internet, and the cafeteria budget was cut by 82% making the food only slightly better than the average high school cafeteria.

Polish punishments involving something less than death include flogging, flogging, slavery, sodomy with lead pipe, and entry in American Idol.

[edit] Historical cruel and unusual punishments

• Having to sit in the corner. (Facing in)
• Having to sit in the corner. (Facing out)
• Sent to bed with no dinner.
• Being mauled by a badger.
• Listening to a continuous recording of the Crazy Frog
• Exile to Indiana University.
• Laughing at a joke that's not funny to make your boss happy. (Aren't you glad I didn't say Banana?)
• Visiting Grandma
• Religion.
• Being put in a round room and being told there is a penny in the corner.
• Being forced to edit an article called "Cruel and unusual punishment" on a website called "Uncyclopedia" on a machine called a "computer" using a device known as a "keyboard."
• Any time you have a hang nail and can't find the nail clippers.
• Being forced to strip down to your underwear and paraded at the plaza while your legs are spread.
• Human trawling

[edit] The Mythical Art of Lambasting

[edit] A Long Forgotten History

The word lambaste is derived from the mid-Seventeenth century and contrary to popular belief has nothing to do with food. Lambaste is composed of two words fused together by the love of punishment. First the word "lammed" meaning to beat or reprimand severely, the second "baste" the art of dishing out a well deserved ass kicking. The technique of lambasting can be difficult to master but when learned and combined with other attacks like those of the masher (also nothing to do with food) it can cripple most opponents even the strongest opponents fall victim to an unrelenting shower of kidney shots followed by roaring battlecries that when played backwards sound like your mom in bed. Lambasting was first taught by a monk by the name of wangmasterfoolio he passed on his amazing skills to only a select few. An example of lambaste as used in a sentence: "man you should have seen how I lammed that tool" or "I'm going to lambaste you niggafool" Two of the first ever people to learn the art of the lambaste were known as micokungfooliomo and mondatorimuleioho and when both fighters fought side by side fire was said to rain down upon the testicles of their opposers (not deep heat) causing them to shrink and shrivel before imploding in a mess.

[edit] But Nowadays...

...people tend to misuse the word and sulley it with meanings other than those intended. Many people think that you can Lambaste someone without any training, and will claim to have Lambasted someone, when infact they have only Beaten, Massacred and/or Teabagged them. To this end the word has entered common usage and is now considered less of a threat than it should be. Many have taken light a threat such as "I will Lambaste your" only to wake up dead. Others misuse the word entirely saying "I'm going to Lambaste this Turkey!" or "Have you seen the Lambaste?", this sort of usesage is not only completely obscene but also entirely irrelevant and insulting.

[edit] A Warning to the Unwary

Improper use of lambasting without proper training may result in:

• Sterility
• Getting pwned
• Losing your balls
• Being unable to reproduce
• Being unable to spawn young
• Being unable have children
• Loss of your genatilia (or Mr happy as some may call him)
• Becoming a eunich
• Being permanantly celebate
• Becoming a woman
• Shrinkage
• Severe addictions to viagra
• Becoming a Nerd
• Sega Game Addiction