Crusty punks
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“Beat up the fucken crusty punks!”
~ Little kids on Crusty Punks
The crusty punk is an ancient species of anthropomorphic root vegetable, predating even Potato Bugs by a span of millenia, and closely related to Pirates, Wahoonies, and Unicron.
Found worldwide, crusty punks listen to Dig written tunes and never bathe. They partake in large-scale Kitten Huffing and orgiastic religious rites that often involve fire spinning and chanting the 17 names of god. In general, crusty punks congregate around record stores and/or places that sell cheap cigarettes. It is thought that they engage in this behavior because to assert an existential separation from the community they were born into.
Like many earlier tribes Crusty punks rely upon a unique set of symbols relevant to their eternal scenes. For instance the popularity of the euro-crust mullet allows crusty punks who have yet to familiarise themselves with each other on a personal level to identify a likely source of solace, sustennance and beer should they stray from their own scenes. It is common wisdom among ethnographers that the variant lenghts of these mullets allow punks to recongise the position of foreign punks within their native scene hierarchy. the staple diet of the Crusty Punk is the Happy Meal
