Cynical Heretic

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The life story of a man known as The Cynical Heretic

[edit] Statistics

• • Age : 28
  • Eye Color : Blue
  • Hair Color : Brown
  • Height : 6'2"
  • Weight  : 1/8th ton

[edit] Biographical Details

Jeremiah was born to unwed parents in the cold blistering month of November. His mother a crack whore, his father a shoe salesman. He was raised in a trailer park in the small ghetto town of Kahoka. At this time in his so far unspectacular life, his drunk crack abusing mother was taking off at night while his father was at work and would leave him tied to the dog pen with hotdogs glued to his back, "so that their pet freddy mercury would play with him" while she would take off to find local sailors in which to begin her nightly quest to see how many times she could get it anally.

By the time Jeremiah was 3 his father and egg donor had concocted a new surprise for him in the birth of a sister. At this time in his young life, Jeremiah had come to know how screwed he personally was and felt sorry for her, but decides she must in fact be some sort of vampire or werewolf, so he keeps an eye on her to make sure she did not try to eat him while he slept on the dirt floor that comprised what he called his bed.

Another year has passed and he still has not been eaten by his now 1 year old sisterwolf. It is finally at this time that his father the shoe salesmen has come to realize that maybe being married to the town semen repository was not actually in his, or his kids best interest, and begins to visit local drinking holes to find another high class whore in which to raise his two malnourished children. This unsurprisingly turned out be very easy and within a few short months of bar hoping was able to locate someone who seemed willing to take care of his children and who he could tell by looking at her that she would not be able to cheat on him.

We now shoot ahead three years and we find Jeremiah to be about 6 years old and now entering kindergarten. We find that Jeremiah has become known as a Bullfrog thanks to the idiotic song Joy to the World and his music teacher known only as Senior Cock Sucker. Jeremiah has found that cookies and chocolate milk are quite delicious and that a round meal is not a rotten apple and a pack of Ketchup. This was also the year that Jeremiah learnt of a device known as a pencil and has become quite entralled with writing large strange shaped characters that are explained to him as making up the alphabet. It is also during this time that he is told that barking and eating paste in not a normally accepted social function.