Cypress Hill

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“I regularly visit Cyprus for my holidays!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Cyprus Hill

“We love our Mary Jane”

~ The people of Cypress Hill

Cypress Hill, not to be mistaken for Cyprus Hill is a Hill in southern Nicuragua. It is mostly populated by strange, post adolescent males. Some of these people are also abnormaly fat, due to the diet that they are forced to stick to on the Hill.

[edit] Geographical Features

Cypress Hill currently stands at 455,667,234cm high, from just above sea level. The peak is at times during the winter coated in snow, and somewhat unusually during this time, it attracts a large gathering of mountain geese. Despite being officially part of Nicuragua, the people there, along with the neighbouring clan Public Enemy have declared it a separate state, with their own laws, including the legalisation of marijuana. The laws goes on to state that the police should be fucked and the system fought. The people of Cypress Hill are in a vicious legal battle with the Nicuaraguan Government to un attach their hill from the country and float into the sea.

[edit] The people of Cypress Hill

The population mainly consists of post-adolescent males, most of whom are stoners, junkies and smack heads. Some of these people are also abnormaly fat, due to the diet that they are forced to stick to on the Hill. The only fruit or vegetable that grows are the snozzcumbers (Of Roald Dahl's The BFG), which taste vile on their own, but when deep fried with the fat from a cow, are delicious. The snozzcumber grows on the bong tree. The Cypress Hill "crew", as they like to be known, are also musicians, with hits such as "Lowrider" and "Hits From The Bong". Their religion requires them to celebrate the Black Sunday. The ceremony is held every Saturday. It is said that their religion incorporates Judeo-Christian values. They obey the One Commandment which says: " Everybody is a sinner. Sinners must get stoned. Everybody must get stoned". They believe that their Master of Ceremonies is the Most High. They sometimes doubt their faith so they call upon the Most High and scream while rubbing their bellies: "Most High, B REAL!". Then they clip their toenails.

[edit] The role of the vegetation

Marijuana is the only plant which grows in the soil of the hill, which consists mostly of skulls and bones. For this reason it is used among others as food, drink, paint and toilet paper. Also the crime rate is very low because all criminals and raiders are always stoned (the stones aren't actual stones but skulls stuffed with marijuana). The official Cypress Hill national anthem discusses these issues:

Cypress Hill!

Yo yo yo - all my niggas say jump up, doc broke out the kennel

A dog on four paws spittin' out the window

Jump up! It aint no need to fight

We may squeeze the pipe, you gonna bleed tonight

I eat beans and rice, shit up a storm

I walk the streets with shark fin off my arms

Doctor Dolittle, lit off the bone

My bracelet like I raised it off the farm

Home-grown, thick, dirty

My family feud dudes who pack 2's on survey

Jersey and house

Gun like an elephants snout

Pull ya ambulance out

Ya whole team'll get bombarded

Ya on target, and bombed by some unsigned artists

We leave ya hair cut like a blind barber

Cut it, and gave you a line with fine markers

I won't leave till the job is done

Till the last prick nigga take ya wallet, RUN

Doc with the shotty and we both catch a body with Cypress Hill

Yeah!

[edit] Bye

Later homeboys