DXM

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

“A little tussin is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.”

~ Oscar Wilde on DXM

DXM is an abbreviation of "dex-tro-meth-orphan", which is a chemical that calms coughs in low doses, produces a dirty feeling psychedelic effect in higher doses, and causes alien abductions and sometimes death in the highest of doses.

It is important to note that DXM is extremely addictive, despite the fact that it kills you the very first time you do it.

Dextromethorphan was discovered in 1944, around the same time as the scientific discovery of the female orgasm. The two were discovered by the same people, Dr. Olney E. White and Robert Cliff Anderson.

In the mid-90's, DXM increased in popularity due to the emergence of several websites and message boards geared towards cough syrup aficionados. These sites attracted many social delinquents, including clownboat captains, fat losers with no friends, teenage punks, OTC drug whores, and other variations of stardom. In these online communities, the members frequently consumed (or, in the language of the Dex-Head: "ett0red") large quantities of Dextrotriporphan, usually in the form of skittles (also known as "Coro" or "Three Seas"), for the purpose of becoming dangerously psychotic. Once under the influence, these Dex-Heads usually engage in improper grammar while typing on IRC.

WARNING:

- DXM MAY CAUSE EXTREME EGO INFLATION
- MAKE YOU SEE JESUS AND OTHER DIVINE BEINGS

SIDE AFFECTS MAY INCLUDE:

- DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR, DELUSIONS OF BEING THE MESSIAH, GOD, ETC
- MAY WAKE UP AND FIND YOURSELF IN THE NAVY, WITH LOTS OF PAIN IN THE ASS

[edit] Effects

Once DXM is ingested, it goes to your brain, knocks on the do' and lets itself in. After DMX is in, he plays the song "stop being greedy", meaning, let me use your brain for fun. When you let DMX use your brain for fun, you fall asleep. You wake up an hour later, and you think "this is a piece of shit drug! WTF!?!?!", but that's where you're wrong. The first sign that the drug took effect is you thinking "this is a piece of shit drug, WFT!?!?!". Then you're like, "I gotta piss" and BOOOOOOOOM that's when it hits ya!.

You get up, and you fall down. Once you reach that bathroom it's on. Your pupils will be black, like a black person, and you will think you're ugly. Then you will literally crawl back to bed. Then you're gonna think you've made the biggest mistake of your life by taking this shit. All types of weird thoughts are gonna run through your brain. Then DMX will stick a random word like "Halcyon" and you will repeat that word every 38th of a second until you die. After about 3 hours you will have enough, but that's only the beginning. God will visit, and he will point out everything wrong that you've done with you life, including taking this obscure, loser drug DMX. DXM is not done yet, you will most likely end up in a hospital, with a tube stuck down your throat, and penis. Before all that happens, you will have an epiphany and a breakfast at Tiffany's and realize you're a closet homo-sexual like Tim Hardaway. Do not stare at insects, for they have the ability to read your mind. Taking DXM is like turning off your Anti-Virus/Spyware software. At this point you will not need your body since DMX has kicked you out of your brain and you're floating through outer space. Now that DMX has control of your body, he will rob stores to feed his crack habit. You will get your body back, but it might be missing stuff. Be alarmed if your penis has sores on it. Be alarmed if you're missing a leg, or half a brain. Be alarmed if your girlfriend (stop lying, you don't have one!) is pregnant, the child will be black, and if you're black, the child will be Pacific Islander. After 4 hours, you will plead with God...and say shit like "if I survive this, I will never ever ever take this drug again!, please dog..I mean God...just let me live...I don't want this anymore!!!"

You will fall into a deep sleep only to awake at 12:00pm with your bed completely soaked in sweat. Your underpants and pajamas are going to be completely brown from shit, and piss stains. Your sweat will smell of stale Coricidin pills. DMX will come back for his crack pipe and rock. You will have a nut stain on your eye and shoulder, and the word Halcyon will be printed in Comic Sans MS on your forehead.

[edit] Marcin Rula

Marcin Rula is an alien being that comes to visit any brave soul that dares to digest more than 1,500mg of Dextromethorphan. He is a 27 year old virgin fellow with a receding hairline and thinning gay blonde hair. He will whine about how the world sucks and how he rather sniff his sisters panties than go out and get himself a girl. He will stare at you and make you feel like shit. His breath smells like Ukraine. He usually wears his sister's panties and appears half naked. He will try to molest you while you are under the influence of DMX. Don't let him. If you let him nest in your brain you will have a fucked up view of the world. You will be a scared coward afraid of women, fast cars, risks, social activities, alcohol, drugs, women, vagina, life, knives, women, sex, money, spending money, and girls. You will become a shut in, occasionally playing tennis and sniffing female panties while chatting on gay porn sites masturbating while thinking about your dad having sex.