Darkness Man

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[edit] Darkness is created

Darkness, which comes from the Greek word "dakiro" meaning sock, first comes into history when Oscar Wilde, having spent his night frolicking, drinking mead and eating pork in a Syrian motel in the year 1789.

It started when Wilde put crap in his sock, swung it above his head and splashed the walls which turned black. Hence, we call the night, which resembles Wilde's crap covered walls, dark.

Darkness is also associated with evil and murderous intents, also derived from Wilde's experience. More precisely, it refers to the cleaning boy's feelings the next morning.

Later, in the year of 1923, when the world of disco just came into being, Darkness Man was spawned. He was born after a mutated chickenman got huffed and decided to send a spawn of itself to hunt down the huffer. Though the kitten didn't realize it, the spawn grew up to be Emperor of Alltel. As the years went on Darkness Man lost the election in 1334 for Emporer againstHoudiniMcCornfluff, the strongest Magician in the world.

[edit] War for the ages

In the year of 1776 during the battle for control over the bacon factory, the Arctic Circle, and your Mom, Darkness Man led the Army commanded by Billy Bob Thornton, who then turned on Darkness Man and won the Bacon Factory, and the Arctic Circle, but later lost it to Paris Hilton and Mr. Slave in a contest to see who could be the whoriest in one minute. When the battle was won Darkness Man became a surgeon on House, then after killing House decided to become a construction worker. As he teamed up with Jackie Chan and built the world's largest Bowl of Popcorn, Darkness Man then killed Chan to become the No.1 greatest train fighter in all of the Old Man's Pants.

[edit] Wrestling Career

When Darkness Man was 13 he then got a job as a Bear 'Wrasslin' Munhckin for a traveling Carnie. Though since he was a 7 foot tall beetle at the time he thought it best if he say he was from Conneticut, so as not to cause a riot about immigration. Though at first Darkness Man beat the bear and won the FART title, he later lost it to the bear.

[edit] Alliance with Oprah

In 2239 Darkness Man met Harold & Kumar at a Burger King as they were being choked by Oprah Winfrey. As Darkness Man saw her choke them he proposed an alliance, and after that, not even the President of the USA, Marvin the Robot could stop them. Before Darkness Man could join Oprah though, she made him dress in a french maid outfit and dance to the tune of "It's Raining Men." Afterwards she fused him into Hugh Hefner and Agent Smith, along with that Robot woman from SpaceBalls, thus creating the world's most renowned and feared, clown. After that ordeal, Darkness Man destroyed Tokyo because the McDonalds there wouldn't serve him a Breakfast Burrito after 11:00 A.M. Soon afterwards, he turned on Oprah, and beat her in the game of life by selling the soul of Homer Simpson and Squall Leonhart to Oprah. As Oprah feasted on their souls she found out that they had been laced with a brain laxative and immediately exploded from the shear fact that she was tricked. She still lives today, but Darkness Man keeps her from destroying the Chinese food buisness.

[edit] The DS incident and Chuck Norris and Anti-Elvis

When Darkness Man became thirty-two, he met Chuck Norris. He greeted Darkness Man and said how that the most evil being in the world, Anti-Elvis, had come back from New Orleans to terrorize the nation more. So, Darkness Man and Chuck Norris aligned themselves, and with a single DS. Though they did not know it, the DS was actually the Lord of the Rings, and the winner of the meet Bob Saget contest. So the crew of motley men set out to find Anti-Elvis, the first few days were hard, seeing as Norris had eaten all of their bacon-flavored corn, but eventually they traded a bag of starch to Pikachu and Ash for some Doritos. When they found Anti-Elvis, he was huddled into a corner sniffing crushed Sweet Tarts. They took pity on him and DS bent down to help him. But before he could, Anti-Elvis opened him up and sent a message to Nuck Chorris, (a.k.a. Anti Norris), Darth makeyoucrapyourpants, and that fat kid who takes away kids balls in the park. Soon, a great battle ensued, greater than those of the years of Sputnick. Many lives were lost, but Darkness Man came out on top.

[edit] Warning

Since Darkness Man was spawned from a mutated chickenman, he has all of the chickenman powers. And if you ever dare to even try and huff a chickenman, he will hurt you so bad, you will wet your pants and perish.

[edit] Evan Pittman

As Darkness Man grew in age, he found a great warrior to be his bodyguard, his name was Evan Pittman. Evan was a great bodyguard, plus he could chug 5 Mr. Pibb in one minute. One day Darkness Man and Evan were walking in the woods, when they spotted a small kitten tied to a tree. Darkness Man ran to release the kitten when he fell into a pit of spikes. Since he was a cat with perfect reflexes, he landed on the spikes with ease, but DANG did it hurt! Soon he watched as Evan untied the cat and let it go free, but then he pulled off a mask on his face to reveal that he was noe other than the Sith Lord, Darth Makeyoucrapyourpants. As the Sith Lord pulled out his hairsword, getting ready to deliver the final blow, Hurricane Katrina came up from behind him and dry humped him so bad, he fell off into the hole and was stabbed by numerous spikes. Later, Darkness Man and Hurricane Katrina had wild sex and produced Ghandi, the soon to be, the world's next big broadway star.