Darth Revan
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Darth Revan was the Dark Lord of the Sith and player character in the highly original Star Wars: Neverwinter Nights. Apparently he was suppposed to be ridiculously talented in all things and could pwn anything and anyone. In reality, he was a total klutz that could not do anything right. His favorite song was 'Viva La Vida' by Coldplay.
[edit] Biography
Sometime between five thousand years ago and two days ago, records are very, very sketchy on this point; Revan was born to a Coruscant film director and his 15 year old daughter. He was incredibly homely. His father eventually chose to give Revan to the Jedi, rather than have to endure looking at him for another second.
Revan turned out to be a horrible Jedi. He couldn't move shit around with the force, he nearly killed himself when he first swung his lightsaber, and he insulted every single Jedi master he came into contact with. Nonetheless, somehow he became a Jedi Knight. (Stupid kitten huffers.) Afterwhich her cut off his ear with a lightsaber, and legend has it, gave Van Gogh an idea. Shortly thereafter his ear healed, a horde of rampaging Klingon wannabes got bored with their Gameboy Colors and decided to attack the Galactic Republic. The Jedi masters were all high on kittens at the start of the invasion and did not want to do anything, so Revan convinced a number of sober Jedi Knights to follow him on a crusade to eliminate the Klingon wannabe menace.
The problem was Revan had no military skill and was the worst warrior ever. He didn't know how to spell "battle", much less fight or plan one. Fortunately, since his appearance was always hidden by a cloak, nobody knew what he looked like. He hired a stunt double to wear his costume and fight his battles for him. Revan's stunt double killed about 1000 Klingon wannabes, including their leader, Mandalore, the Falliable.
However, after the war ended, Revan found himself bored, so he decided to go emo, start a band,and become the Dark Lord of the Sith. He took Jawless Captain Picard as his apprentice and began his campaign to dominate the galaxy. Naturally, he was still using his stunt double for all the actual fighting and strategizing. Eventually, Revan's stunt double quit due to ethical objections to his employer's evil plots, leaving the grossly incompetent Revan on his own. The Jedi, growing tired of Revan's antics, decided to capture him and put him on trial for several charges, including: spraypainting his name all over the Jedi Temple, crank calling the Jedi Masters, and of course trying to take over the f!#@king galaxy. A bunch of Jedi, including the Spoiled Jedi Princess, boarded Revan's flagship of doom. Revan was prepared to fight them, but bumped his head on his on lightsaber (which fortunately, was off), and was knocked unconscious. The injury also wiped out all of his memories.
The Jedi dragged the unconscious Dark Lord off his ship and spent several months brainwashing him into a Republic agent. He was then retrained as a Jedi, in hopes his klutziness would somehow stop Jawless Captain Picard, who was strong in the force, and was now trying to take over the galaxy for himself. Revan wandered around several planets, collecting undecipherable maps in hopes of finding his old apprentice. As fate would have it; Revan found his old apprentice at on board wikipedia station in orbit around Lehon's sun. Insted of slaying the Sith Lord in a duel like a man, Revan pumped himself full of stimulants, activated every personal deflector shield in his inventory, and lobbed grenades around like a retard. This disgraceful spectacle ended abruptly when Jawless Picard tripped on something and accidentally impaled himself on his own lightsaber. (Revan may have been a klutz, but Jawless Picard was a klutz's apprentice.)
Thus the galaxy was safe. Revan asked the Spoilt Princess to marry him. She only consented on the condition that he never take off his mask, even during lovemaking, because he was just so hideous. He then settled down and bought a beet farm. However, Revan was a crappy farmer and made no money. He fled into the Unknown Regions to evade his creditors, he has not been seen since.
