Dave Barry

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“Dave Barry should be plastered on every wall of every house in the world...and should be made to drink toilet water.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Dave Barry

Dave Barry (whose name could be rearranged to spell "arr, very bad" if it had one more 'r' in it) is the funniest man alive. He is a comical writer who enjoys writing comical things. He is by no means-- and I mean no means- a redundant writer who writes redundantly. Redundancy is the biggest turn off in writing history. It is the biggest turnoff in writing history because it repeats unnecessary words, repeatedly and redundantly.

Anyway, Dave Barry writes really funny newspaper columns, columns that are even funnier than watching a Nazi chipmunk in a cheap brown suit shock a gray squirrel with an electrical wire again and again and again. ("Electrical Squirrel" would be a good name for a rock band.)

Dave once shared the following anecdotal anecdote with me: He was driving in his car (1975 Ford Prefect) and discovered that while driving a car, it is possible to take both hands off of the wheel and continue in a straight line. This single earth-shattering phenomenon induced consequential mechanical things. If repeated often enough, this is also a good way to cash in on your automobile insurance.

Dave lived in Miami for several years and so is an honorary member of-I am not making this up-the Cuban Mafia. DO NOT *FUCK* WITH HIM! He currently lives in an undisclosed location somewhere in the nether regions of Kansas. While married, Dave still finds time to visit local strip clubs and department stores. If only he had a horse on a bicycle.

We're around the end of the article here, which means it's time for me to squeeze in one last reference to an earlier gag. Is this a bad writing technique if used over and over? Arr, very bad indeed!