Dave Chappelle

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“He's been my main nigga since he joined the nWo.”

~ Hulk Hogan on Dave Chappelle

“Mashed Potatoes, Gravy, and Cranberry Sauce! WOOO!”

~ Little Richard on Dave Chappelle's Thanksgiving Dinner

Dave Chappelle is an American comedian, a comedy actor, a comedy writer, and an all around funny guy best known for his use of the word "bitch" in inappropriate sentences. He is also the inventor of crack, and the cosmic yang to Wayne Brady's yin.

[edit] Biography

Chappelle's career started in the middle of Greenland, where he wandered the ice mountains with packs of polar bears, surviving on freshly killed seal meat and young, single women. Later in life, he saw the show Survivor and swam to America to compete in it. After being chosen to be on the first survivor over Andre the Giant, he was ultimately denied a spot on the show due his failed drug test.

It is at this time in his life that he decided to start traveling-band of midgets, which led him to meet his life long friend Charlie Murphy in Munchkin Land. He had a few run-ins with the Po-Po and even 'Superfreak' Rick James, but he perservered and eventually landed his own movie Chuck D Saves Christmas after being denied the role for the remake of the movies The Blob, The Purplish Mile, Donnie Lightish, and The Care Bears Save Christmas.

Alleged members of Dave Chappelle's cult having a say on Oprah Winfrey.

In 2004 he organized a badass party in Brooklyn featuring Erykah Badu, Common, Mos Def, Freeway, the Fugees, the Roots, Talib Kweli, Kanye West, Tyrone Biggums and many more people that are actually robot cyborgs from Germany. This fruitloop group of cyborgs are rumored to have started a mysterious cult with the sole purpose of destroying the monster of Loch Ness, aka, Oprah Winfrey. Responding to these rumors of a cult, Chappelle answers: "I'm rich biotch!".

Dave Chappelle started his own show on Comedy Central called "The Dave Chappelle Show" using Random Humor and racial stereotypes. He would make fun of people like Rick James, George W. Bush, Wayne Brady, and Oscar Wilde. It was not a very funny or popular show, and Comedy Central was going to cancel it, but then Dave told them that he was a Blind African American White Supremacist and that his show was really funny and that they discriminated against him because he was blind and white. Even though Dave was not blind or white, fearing an EEOC lawsuit, Comedy Central approved of Dave's show for two more years.

Chappelle is the official inventor of crack cocaine. However, he is not its actual inventor. Benjamin Franklin has actually invented this highly entertaining substance in early 1776 and, as proof, recorded the entire process on several video cameras. Mr. Chapelle has grown so fond of the Founding Father's invention that during one of his drunken rants between the skits oh his show he asserted that he is the drug's inventor. Immediately after the remark, Benjamin Franklin rose out of the audience and politely mentioned that he is the actual inventor of crack and that Chappelle is full of shit. While not disputing the "full of shit" assertion, Dave was very offended and shouted that bitch ass Franklin says so just because Chapelle is black and Franklin has a history of owning slaves. Fearing accusations of being a racist (and thus being subjected to certain lynching in Philadelphia, city of Brotha Love), Franklin immediately retracted his statement. During an official press conference following the incident, Dave Chappelle responded with "That's right, bitch."

Dave Chappelle currently resides in some third-world hell hole but we don't know where, yet no one cares either. Many people suspect that he resides in the upper districts of Magical Unicorn Land. The acclaimed comedian and chicken fucker has last been seen in some ditch outside his studio, cracked out of his mind. When asked about his year-something or whatever (no one cared enough to count exactly) absense, he claimed that he visited Oz or some other location famous for abundance of black people. Also, when asked if he could do another interview, he simly replied "fuck yo couch, nigga." Further research in the local library showed that the United States government has deported Chappelle to Africa for being a complete dumbass and a crack whore. Africans everywhere were outraged on behalf of smug Americans dumping their retards and crack whores into Africa, and shipped him back to the studio via UPS. The studio, however, refused to accept him as well and just shoved Chappelle out the doors, allowing him to roll down into the aforementioned ditch. Chappelle, however, did not give a damn about these events since he had fifteen pounds of crack on his person at the moment, turning even the dirtiest ditch into a land of wonder and amazement.

[edit] Some facts about Dave Chappelle

• He is 1/2 black, 1/2 asian, and 1/3 zebu.and 2/1 zimbabwe. yes. hes two people.
• He looks like a bald Condoleezza Riceand a black John McCain
• He has a terrible singing voice
• With make-up, he can pass for a particularly lame white man
• He was the world foosball champion between 1997 and 2004
• He singlehandedly ended Operation Desert Storm during an HBO special in 1995
• He is currently wanted for the federal crime of leaving Comedy Central, thus allowing Carlos Mencia to enrich the channel with his program.
• He once called someone a bitch.
• Has a gang in New York.
• He once ingested a live rhino cub

[edit] See also

• Rick James
• Charlie Murphy
• Comedy Central
• John Mayer

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