Dave Grohl
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“He's a versatile musician...mmm...pie.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Dave Grohl
David "Everything Under The Sun That Can Possibly Be Played By One Man" Grohl is a musician, often shunned by fans of Nirvana for pursuing a career in music after Seattle grunge guy, Kurt Cobain, decided to "Bite the Bullet" and retire. He is most famous for being the drummer in every band. Currently, Grohl has his own brand of cereal and is the lead vocalist and guitarist for the Adams Family. He also plays the tamborine and triangle for Weezer. It is said that he killed former bandmate Kurt Cobain in order to have a reason to start a band of his own in which all would obey his iron fist. Grohl also holds a Guinness World Record for the most bananas balanced on his chin with 469. It should also be noted that Dave is the 2nd coming of Jesus, since no other man could possibly have eaten enough fiber to do so.
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[edit] Career
First there was nothing and then God created King Dave Grohl. King Dave's career started in 1973, Dave courted fellow band member Elita-1 but lost to the massive manliness Optimus Prime. Failing his courtship attempts, Dave had a brief relationship with the Yellow Power Ranger.
Before The Mentors, Grohl was the drummer for Nirvana. He also played with The Smurfs for a short time before he later realised that they weren't a band and therefore had no need for a drummer.
In the early 1990s, Grohl decided he needed to save his career and went on to form the Spice Girls. The Spice Girls quickly became the most popular band in the universe, winning Grohl and bandmates billions of dollars in album and t-shirt sales. With his newfound fame and riches, Dave Grohl went on to purchase 57% of Viacom, the biggest company in the world. According to a close friend of the band, Grohl was later fired for being a better hairflipper then Posh Spice. Spice Girls Management refuses to comment.
Dave Grohl was arrested in 2003 for assault when his drum kit turned out to be a really fat, languid woman. Apparently that's why Kurt Cobain liked so much to dive into it during concerts for no apparent reason.
In 2004 Dave Grohl was spending most of his time in court at his homeworld of Ohio trying to get the space removed between the "E" and "G" since it is widely accepted that his name is just one word. Davegrohl.
[edit] Grohl's style of playing
Grohl is known for being very soft when he plays the drums, which impressed Kurt Cobain. Cobain has stated that "When Dave plays drums, a beautiful and soft melody comes from them."
[edit] Instruments Grohl plays
- And many, many more.
[edit] Nostrils
In 2008, Grohl was ranked #3 on the list of Animal Planet's 100 Greatest Animals. He was barely beaten by Manbearpig and Rosie O' Donnell.
[edit] The impact of Grohl
Musically, Grohl is well known for giving bands a hoist up the music ladder. Queens of the Stone Age, Tenacious D, Juliette and the Cocksuckers, Mozart, John Lennon, John Lemon, Har Mar Superstar, Elvis Presley, Oasis, The Beach Boys, Islam, Rick Astley, and Doritos have all had Grohl's drums on their records at some point. It is because Grohl is classed as the best saxophonist of his generation.
It should be noted that, as claimed by Oscar Wilde:
"Dave Grohl is everywhere, he's, like, even in our breakfast cereals man."
Wilde is right. Dave Grohl is everywhere: in your neighborhood, in your house, maybe even in your room. Ever felt that weird tingling sensation in your spine? That's Dave...or possibly his 20 inch dick being shoved up your ass. He has at least 17 roles in every music video. Roles that were once considered physically impossible for humans to play (for example, Dave has been known to play skyscrapers, aeroplanes, grass, Bruce Lee, 19 of the midgets in The Wizard of Oz, Simon Cowell's eyelashes and the Sun). He even cuts off his fingers to turn into breakfast cereal, Grohlios. Buy it from that shady guy on the street corner while stocks last!
Dave Grohl has been scientifically proven to be 90% teeth, and few people have actually seen the rest of his face as a result. This is evident in many of his promotional videos, which show his teeth in a 1:1 ratio - and they still don't fit on the screen. His fine tusks have required him to employ round the clock security guards in an attempt to ward off Ivory dealers.
Grohl's screams are said to break glass and the planet Venus. Recently Grohl created a forum for people who are against baseball called the No Homers Club. There he and his henchman the evil Necromancer brainwash people into liking the Spice Girls.
The drumming exploits of Sir Dave of Grohl have gone on to influence such drummers as Ringo Starr, John Bonham and Keith Moon among legions of others. He has publicly lent his drumming support to numerous bands including Knaves of the Bronze Age, Iron Maid, Bonjo Vi, BB King, The Beatles, Stereoneck, U2, Metallica and obviously Cream whilst insisting fervently that their previous drummers were "the best in the fucking World."
It has also been rumoured that Grohl created Courtney Love in a Frankenstein-esque experiment by fusing the corpse of Jack the Ripper victim Mary Jane Kelly with a bucket of stale semen and Jack Pierce's yearly make-up quota.
Though he is thought of being the second coming of Jesus, Grohl has been described as a mix of Hercules and John Mcenroe. Simply for the fact that he gets so angry when he plays. Hercules is just in his blood.
[edit] Bands Dave Grohl has never been in
| These Are The Daves I Know I Know, These Are The Daves I Know |
| Some of them are Davids, but most of them are Daves |
| David Attenborough - Dave Barry - David Beckham - David Blaine - David Bowie - David Byrne - Dave Chappelle - Dave Gahan - David Copperfield - Dave Coulier - David Duchovny - David Duke - David Lloyd George - Dave Lombardo - Dave Grohl - David Hasselhoff - David Hume - David Icke - Dave Letterman - Dave Lister - David Lynch - Dave Meltzer - Dave Murray - Dave Mustaine - Diamond Dave - David Tennant - Dave Thomas - Camp David |
| They All Have Their Own Hands, But They Come From Different Moms |
| This article is a stub, and the author is a crackhead. You can be help Uncyclopedia by getting it a crackwhore. |
Categories: Oscar Wildeizms | People | Stub | Grunge | Musicians | Men | Celebrities
