Dave Matthews Band

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Dave fan from the mother land, listening to his iPod.

“Burkenstocks and white baseball cap not included.”

~ Dave Matthews Band CD label on Dave Matthews Band

“You know, their 18th live album is almost as good as their 12th live album”

~ Message on Dave Matthews Band fan-site message board

The Dave Matthews Band was formed when a group of homeless guys were hanging out in Charlottesville Virginia with Michael Vick and all won a few thousand bucks betting on who would barf first watching Boyd strip. The band is most commonly listened to after football practice, while totally manly and awesome football players do coke lines off each others asses and talk about how they're going to spend the rest of their lives after high school bagging your groceries. Anyone who hates Dave Matthews Band is obviously a loser and a fag.

1 Who is in the Band?
2 Who is Not in the Band?
3 Discography
- 3.1 Albums
- 3.2 Hit Singles

[edit] Who is in the Band?

Dave Matthews - (Guitar, Vocals) Dave's parents were Quaker Oats sales reps in South Africa when Dave was just a child. When Dave was still a little tot, his sister Jane put him into a basket she had made and floated it down the Nile River just as the rest of the family was gettting eaten by a herd of rabid giraffes. Young Dave was soon found and picked up by Nelson Mandella's slave girl Shi’Tanya. Soon after Uncle Nelson got sent to the slammer, Dave moved to America along with his stepbrother Nelson Jr. (“Nelly”) both with hopes of becoming rich musicians and having sex with people who don’t have AIDS. Dave has become the founder of the musical genre known as Frathouse Rock, fitting because Dave himself was in a fraternity known as the Black Panthers. Dave has made many TV and movie cameos always portraying a retard or a homo.

Boyd Tinsley

Boyd Tinsley – (Violin) Boyd Tinsley is the father of tennis greats Venus and Serena Williams. Its is widely known among fans that Boyd was born with three legs, one of which he hides beneath a jungle of giant pubic dreadlocks. In his spare time, he wrestles on WWE as "Booker T."

LeRoi Moore – (25 different Saxophones, Clarinet, Flute, Whistling Hookah, Goat's Bladder) LeRoi is the blind woodwindist who had a successful career appearing on the Simpsons as Bleeding Gums Murphy before joining DMB. Recently LeRoi appeared in a commercial for the Honda Ridgeline and was paid an ungodly amount of blow.

Stefan Lessard – (Bass) Stefan was a bass prodigy who joined the band when he was only 13 years old because they allowed him to stay up past ten o’clock and drink alcohol as a minor. He spends most of his time snowboarding, playing on myspace and facebook, and having sex with minors.

Carter Beauford – (Drums, Cymbals, Chimes, Cowbell) Carter is a 4-armed ninja that once won a fight with Chuck Norris (and by fight we mean a game of Tetris, but still pretty impressive). During concerts, Carter chews bubble gum and sweats methamphetamine. When asked to comment on the success of the band he told us, “Bubbalicious UpsideChaHead!!!”.

[edit] Who is Not in the Band?

Rayshawn Ross

Tim Reynolds – Timmy is a mute alien who has the ability to produce sounds on a guitar no normal person can. He is now touring with the band after a 10 year hiatus spent doing drugs in a cave in New Mexico.

Rayshawn Ross – American Idol season 2 winner that follows the band across the country for free and whose job is to make LeRoi's horn parts seem tirvial. Accordding to the band's bylaws, if the they goes more than 2 months without releasing a live CD, he gets to eat a band member (most recently Butch Taylor.)

Butch Taylor – Butch was a Gay robot connected to a keyboard that Stefan accidentally ordered off of eBay. He never get paid, but followed the band on tour hoping for a chance to probe Dave, who he had a crush on. Butch isn't in the Band anymore, as in accordance to the band's bylaws, drew the short straw and was eaten by Rashawn Ross after the band's failure to produce a live album in a 2 month span.

Peter Griesar – Ex-band member with severe scoliosis and facial deformities that lives in a belltower on the campus of Notre Dame University. His last appearance with the band came in 2006 when he appeared onstage with the band wearing nothing but a trenchcoat. He did not play any music with the band. He only showed up to get a drumstick from Carter and edit the band’s setlist. His life story has been documented in the movie “Rudy”.

[edit] Discography

[edit] Albums

Remember 2 Things
Recently (I farted)
Sexiness of Voyeurism
Under The Table and Dreaming of Your Mom
Backstreet’s Back Alright!
The Sucky Glen Ballard Album That Was Still Pretty Good, Even Though It Sucked
Room for Squares
Screw You Steve Lillywhite
Stand Up! Stand Up! Stand Up! Stand Up (For It)!
American Idiot (Part II) - Currently in Production
Live Releases – Too numerous to count, but the latest, Live Trax '83, proves to be an instant classic featuring 6 songs that were on all of the previous live releases plus all the classics from the Stand Up and Everyday albums.