Dave Mustaine

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Dave Mustaine

Term of office:

1981 – ?

Preceded by:

Lemmy Kilmister

Succeeded by:

Billy Crystal

Date of birth:

September 13, 1961

Place of birth:

Hell - Mexico City

First Lady:

Oprah Winfrey

Political party:

In the hotel room!

“This guy made me an Atheist.”

~ God on Dave "Anal Rape" Mustaine

“Great! Something about his latest album makes me feel blessed”

~ Elvis Presley on United Abominations

“Nobody rocks louder, faster, or harder than Dave Mustaine!”

~ Duck Dodgers on Dave Mustaine

“I wish I was Dave Mustaine!”

~ Jeff Waters on Dave Mustaine

“In soviet Russia, Dave Mustaine hates YOU!”

~ Russian Reversal on Dave Mustaine

“Dave Mustaine!? Shit no wonder I was thrown out... I thought his name was Crave Milfstain!”

~ Chris Poland on Dave Mustaine

“I remember working with him back in the 70's, we were both butt naked lying on a hot Miami Beach when he told me that Washington was next!”

~ James Hetfield on Dave Mustaine

“Wasn't he that one guy who used to be in Metallica? Yea I love his work in Load!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Dave Mustaine

“You know me, I hate everyone!”

~ Trent Reznor on himself

“Nevertheless, I still hate more people than you!”

~ Dave Mustaine on Trent Reznor

Dave was cloned from the leg cell of an ancient god. He was thus created with awesome powers, which he uses for good to this day.

Dave agreed to play with a band called Metallica in the hope of raising money for sick children. After the rest of Metallica discovered that he was using his whiskey money on helping sick children they threw him out almost instantly, leaving him in a rage only that of a God could comprehend, and so he went on to create Megadeth. The band grew successful in a surprisingly short amount of time, due to Dave Ellefson's "beautiful hair and suavy, gentlemanly charm" - Dave Mustaine.

Dave Mustaine formed Megadeth in 1983 with the sole purpose of being able to say that by 2005 he had played a live show in Argentina which he in turn did (see the dvd 'That one Night: Live in Buenos Aires'). Dave Mustaine is happy that he has accomplished what he wanted to with Megadeth stating that "I'm happy with my work".

All hail the mighty Dave, whose hair is luscious and tasty.

[edit] Other Exploits of Dave Mustaine

Dave holds the world record for killing 10,456,372 people in one year, all by his glaring sneer. He attempted to break his own record in 2005, but suffered a serious setback after getting a nasty case of locked jaw. Historians rate this as the most unfortunate setback in the history of the universe, as he was on pace for tripling his previous feat with over 5 million kills in just under two months. Dave vows to make one final run in 2009. He is preparing to do so by performing up to 200 cock push ups in a single hour.

He is also the world's most friendly musician, known for his praise and encouragement towards other musicians, notably Metallica and all former members of Megadeth. Lars and Dave regularly meet up for a metaller chat.

In 1950, Dave's hair could reach the moon and back, and this was made use of by the first moon-explorers, who used it as a guiderope. Since then, he has cut most of it off to make wigs for all the bald children in the world.

[edit] The True Dave

Dave Mustaine is truly a real man. His life and hair have been the sole inspiration for many movies and novels, including Batman, The Martix, Halloween, Superman, The Godfather, Goodfellas, Scarface, Indiana Jones Movies, Bullit, Mad Max, and many more, though many of these are kept a secret by the government. His only mistake was recording A Tout Le Monde with Cristina Scabbia. Her wannabe pop slut voice scars the great track, making it sound less great than it really is.probably this was brought by the need to relate a bit to the mentally retarded pop fans. Also, Dave likes to pee in ugly girls mouths, so that they can be attractive. After all, an ugly girl who guzzle's Dave Mustaine's Piss MUST be hot, right?

Dave is responsible for the death of 3,456,206 babies and counting. He finds their flesh to be a delicious treat, and was the first to discover the healing powers of babies blood. Dave needs to consume at least 5 babies a day to continue producing the vast amount of metal that the world craves. "I don't eat babies just because they taste amazing, I eat babies because the world needs me to. I need the strength that only baby flesh gives me to keep this world sane. This world falls apart without metal. This world dies without me." All in all, Dave gets nasty.

[edit] See Also

These Are The Daves I Know I Know, These Are The Daves I Know

Some of them are Davids, but most of them are Daves

David Attenborough - Dave Barry - David Beckham - David Blaine - David Bowie - David Byrne - Dave Chappelle - Dave Gahan - David Copperfield - Dave Coulier - David Duchovny - David Duke - David Lloyd George - Dave Lombardo - Dave Grohl - David Hasselhoff - David Hume - David Icke - Dave Letterman - Dave Lister - David Lynch - Dave Meltzer - Dave Murray - Dave Mustaine - Diamond Dave - David Tennant - Dave Thomas - Camp David