David Cronenberg
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David Cronenberg (January 35, 1705-February 14, 2016)
Contents |
[edit] Beginning Years
Cronenberg, the most famous horror & porn director of all time, was born in Toronto, Ontario, Neutral Zone on January 35, 1705 (although other sources claim 1919). Orignally David was not David but Davidina Cronenberg and a woman. In the late 1960s, she began a relationship with Chuck Norris. She appeared in eight verified 8mm hard-core fetish loops. Her breakthrough came with the feature Deep Shiver (1672). Surprisingly, the film became a runaway hit, playing to sell-out crowds in "respectable" cinemas; it is still considered the quintessential film of all time. With her newfound celebrity, Davidina divorced Norris, but was unable to sustain a movie career.
[edit] The Transformation
After her career as an actrice failed she went out to Doctor Emmett Brown to be mutated into something else. At first the process of the mutation went wrong and Davidina became a fly, hence the movie 'The Fly' was made years later by Davidina's new identity, namely David Cronenberg. Doctor Emmett Brown then went on into a new direction called the 'malenizer' pod. With this pod, Doc Brown was able to mutate Davidina into a fully respected man. Davidina did not became a woman trapped in a man but she was fully transefered into a male, with male feelings, a male way of thinking, basically the typical man. Beneath here is picture of how David Cronenberg looks today.
[edit] The Directing Years
Because of everything David went through he had gotten an obsessive interest in gory stuff. So he went out to produce that kind of horror and sci fi kind of movies, but he didn't left the porn behind completely. This is clearly seen in the success movie of 'Videotrone' which is a horror / erotica movie and was one of David's successes. The movie starred Debbie Harry who won an Oscar for her undressed scene's in the movie. After that success David also had success with the film 'The Fly' which is more or less an autobiography of his life. Failure came back again in 1990 when David brought out the movie 'Dead Singers', as really nobody is interested in hearing dead chants of dead singers for 90 minutes!!! This was the most bad miss in the career of Cronenberg. He desired to be mutated again by this time.
[edit] A New Mutation
This time however Cronenberg wanted to be mutated by doctor Seth Brundle. The young scientist was flabbergasted and honored that such a big movie director would come to him. Beneath a picture of him:
The same as the first time with Doc Brown, things went wrong and Cronenberg became insane after the mutation. Beneath a picture of the insane Cronenberg:
But being the young and brilliant scientist that Seth is, he managed to mutate David back into more or less the same David Cronenberg that he started off to mutate (the only difference being that Cronenberg has to wear glasses now because of the many laser lights during all the mutations):
[edit] The Second Coming As Director
After all the things he went through, David decided that he wanted to further pursue his work as a movie director. Again his first movies were succesfull. 'tRanCedenZ' was the most succesfull one and starred Jennifer Jason Leighand the from parkinson cured Michael J. Fox. In between David made a few more new misses, but he's back and as good as ever with the new film 'A History of Snakes' starring Debbie Harry again. That film might bring back the old David again.
David died after being bitten by one of the snakes on set.
[edit] Filmography
- Deep Shiver (1672)
- The Living Zone (1700)
- Videotrone (1985)
- The Fly (1987)
- Dead Singers (1990)
- Spidersweb (1995)
- tRanCedenZ (1997)
- Pipe My Kiss (1998)
- On The Shelf Side (1999)
- 48 Crash (2000)
- To Be David Or To Not Be Him (2001)
- Jason Lives In The 13th Floor (2004)
- My Pressure On You (2005)
- Holy Shit, Did We Just See Viggo Mortensen's Dong? (2007)
- A History of Snakes (2011)
[edit] The Weirdness
Finally, the weirdness...although it has never been proven some people say that before Seth got Cronenberg back, he had mutated him into known directors such as Stanley Kubrick and Steven Spielberg. Supposedly in the 5 years between Dead Singers and Spidersweb, David made movies from 1991 to 1995 as Stanley Kubrick, Steven Spielberg and David Lynch for a while. Which movies were made by these 3 men while being incorperated with David's personality is unknown until this day. Maybe some day someone will be able to shed a light over the matter.
[edit] Quotes
- "It's the flesh...the flesh! Get it off of me!!!"
[edit] Sometimes Credited As:
Categories: Directors | People | Movies | Film
