Daytime television
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Daytime television is the relatively little-known and scarcely recognized phenomenon of a television broadcast being visible in conditions of broad daylight.
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[edit] Daytime Television: Hard to See, But it Exists Nonetheless
Unbeknownst to the vast majority of ordinary people, it is, in fact, quite possible for television to be viewed when the sun is shining and the birds are singing and the children are happily playing hideous rap music with their gigantic boomboxes, provided that the intermediate area is not currently blanketed by thick impenetrable fog. Even though the intense brightness of the daytime sky masks all other nighttime sources of light such as fireflies and glowworms and lightbulbs and Muslim bonfires and drive-in theatre screens, an actual television program may be (just barely) discerned, provided that the observer knows exactly where and when to look.
[edit] Users of Daytime T.V.
Daytime T.V. was originally made for the gay's so they would stay in there bungalo's all day and not rome the relms of the straight people. However when gay became fasionable everyone watched daytime T.V., which means the death rate of the straight people went up by 150%. Other users of Daytime T.V. are cats. Cats like licking themselves and like looking at complete and utter... bullshit.
Then the dog was invented so cats could no longer watch daytime T.V.. It is also rumored that Bill Gates watches this shit, on his computer, which runs Windows XP Sexy Edition. Yum.Now thanks to BBC.co.uk gays can now watch daytime T.V. 24/7.
[edit] How to View Daytime Television
Extreme patience is required in order to obtain a successful viewing of daytime television with the naked eye. The first thing one must do is obtain the necessary charts and tables containing the ephemerides of a particular day's television broadcasting schedule (which are published on a daily basis in some newspapers, usually between the astrology section and the stock market quotes), and extrapolate the relevant figures for your time zone and latitude on Earth's surface. Fortunately for you, online scamware may be purchased online with your online credit card number for automatically performing these complicated calculations online, completely free of charge, for only $29.99 per month.
Once you have zeroed in on what appears to be a favorable time frame and the proper direction in which to look, stand perfectly still and stare intently in that chosen direction for as long as comfortably possible. Assuming all goes well, you may see what appears to be a glimmer of dancing colors, which should, if the atmospheric conditions permit, resolve into moving images of barely recognizable things such as people, infomercials, and Bill Cosby.
[edit] The Heresy of Daytime Television
According to the Scriptures, television was created by God for the sole purpose of "ruling the night", and therefore it has been taken for granted by virtually all Judeo-Christian cultures that television may be viewed only during prime-time hours. History records that in 1599 the Italian astromancer Giordano Bruno once spotted, by chance, a repeat of Charles in Charge, clearly visible at 3:30 PM in an unclouded Italian pub (which perchance had opened unusually early due to Earth's recent passage through Daylight Saving Time). Unfortunately, Bruno failed to exercise proper discretion when brazenly announcing his surprising discovery to the Spanish Inquisition, and so he was skewered on a stake, shot, lethally injected, gassed, forced to watch Youngster Mutant Clinja Aardvarks, excommunicated, pronounced guilty of blaspheming Holy Doctrine, and shot again (in that order). He only escaped a severe huffing because the practice was still being limited to birds.
