Daytona 500

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

The Daytona 500 is the biggest race in the NASCAR season. The main events of this one-week spectacle include, but are not limited to, bitching, whining, Jimmie Johnson, Junior Johnson, bitching, whining, Gatorade Duels, turning left, crashing, bitching, Victory Lane, adverts, Mike Joy, End.

Contents 1 How this whole thing got started 2 Past Winners 3 Ghey of the Day award 4 The best Daytona 500s Ever 5 The Daytona 500 and Corporate Sponsorship 6 People in Favor of the Daytona 500 7 People who think the Daytona 500 should go to hell

[edit] How this whole thing got started

It started when some supposed rednecks wanted to see who could pull the most moonshine. The actual Daytona 500 race started because they wanted to see which driver could bitch the most, and who could go faster. The first few races weren't recorded until 1979 when NBC started with the first flag to flag Nascar Broadcast. The Original commentators were Buddy Baker, Roof Flaps doing dere jawbs and the irreplaceable Rust. E. Wallace.

[edit] Past Winners

Beer-Guzzling Contest

• 2007- Elliott Sadler
• 2002-2006 Dale Earnhardt Jr.
• first year of contest-2001 Dale Earnhardt Sr.

Cheating for the Race Contest 2007- Michael Waltrip (Tied for second is Matt Kenseth, Kasey Kahne, Scott Riggs, and Elliott Sadler)

• 2006- Jimmie Johnson (Second place is Terry Labonte)
• -first year of contest

Fighting after the Race Contest

• 2007- Dale Earnhardt Jr. in a massive brawl involving half the drivers in the garage, including Tony Stewart and Kurt Busch.
• 1980-2006- NO Competition
• 1979- Bobby Allision

The Actual Race

• 420 Sean Paul
• 666 Satan
• 1001 Dale Earnhardt Sr.'s dad
• 1337 Sherudo Garo
• 1843 Ron Paul
• 1928 Andrew Schlafly
• 1945 Adolf Hitler
• 1958 Chuck Norris
• 1959 Jerry Punch**
• 1960 Keith Richards
• 1962 Steven Wallace **
• 1963 Satan **
• 1964 Denny Hamlin
• 1965 Tim Brewer
• 1966 Dick Trickle
• 1967 Marco Andretti
• 1968 Marcos Ambrose
• 1969 LeeRoy Jenkins
• 1970 Lewis Hamilton
• 1971 Richard Petty
• 1972 A.J. Allmendinger
• 1973 Richard Petty
• 1974 Richard Petty
• 1975 Big Boss*****
• 1975.5 Benny Parsons (Race had to be run again because Big Boss won the first race, and nobody at Uncyclopedia likes Big Boss)
• 1976 David Pearson
• 1977 THC-303
• 1978 John Jacob Jingglehiemer Schmidt
• 1979 Richard Petty
• 1980 Buddy Baker
• 1981 Richard Petty
• 1982 Chuck E. Cheese
• 1983 Cale Yarborough
• 1984 Cale Yarborough
• 1985 Bill Elliott
• 1986 4.252.99.182
• 1987 Bill Elliott
• 1988 Bobby Allison
• 1989 Darrell Waltrip
• 1990 Derrike Cope
• 1991 Steve Irwin
• 1992 Davey Allison **
• 1993 Jeff Jarrett
• 1994 Phil Parsons
• 1995 Sterling Marlin
• 1996 Jeff Jarrett
• 1997 Harry Gant
• 1998 Dale Earnhardt CDXX **
• 1999 Del the Funky Homsapien
• 2000 Ellian Gonzalas
• 2001 Jeff Purvis
• 2002 Jeff Burton
• 2003 Keith Richards
• 2004 Dick Trickle
• 2005 Dick Trickle
• 2006 No one worth mentioning
• 2007 Chris Benoit
• 2008 Herman Li
• 2009 Juan Pablo Montoya
• 2010 Ella Sofia Gordon
• 2011 Steadman Marlin
• 2012 Dick Trickle

• Broke hip in Victory lane and died 3 days later but was brought back to life.
  • -dead
    • - I'm pretty sure that a-hole cheated
      • -car fueled by illegal green discharge caused by gonorrhea
        • - Permanently dead and never coming back

	This article needs love
	This article is currently in a bad state, but all it needs is a little love. Please give some love by rewriting it.

[edit] Ghey of the Day award

The Ghey of the Day award goes to the driver who finishes last in the race.

DAYTONA 500 GHEY OF THE DAY AWARD WINNERS

• 10,000 BC: The Caveman
• 1337 Barack Obama
• 1338 Ask A Ninja
• 1772 Oscar Wilde
• 1958 Oscar Wilde
• 1959 Dick Trickle
• 1960 Dick Trickle
• 1961 Dick Trickle
• 1962 Bob Barker **
• 1963 Curtis Crider
• 1964 Neil Castles
• 1965 Robert Vaughn
• 1966 Rene Charland
• 1967 Coo Coo Marlin
• 1968 Homer Simpson
• 1969 Roy Mayne
• 1970 Jeff Gordon
• 1971 Big Boss
• 1972 Big Boss
• 1973 Big Boss
• 1974 Big Boss
• 1975 Big Boss
• 1976 Big Boss
• 1977 Willy on Wheels
• 1978 Harry Gant
• 1979 Jim Vandiver
• 1980 Harry Gant
• 1981 Nobody cares
• 1982 Geoffrey Bodine *
• 1983 Benny Parsons *
• 1984 Dave Marcis
• 1985 Delma Cowart
• 1986 Bobby Allison *
• 1987 AJ Foyt *
• 1988 A monkey with a AK-47
• 1989 Neil Bonnett
• 1990 Brian Peppers
• 1991 Dick Trickle
• 1992 Bob Saget
• 1993 Dick Trickle
• 1994 John Andretti
• 1995 Adam Bomb
• 1996 Dick Trickle
• 1997 Princess Diana
• 1998 Kevin Lepage
• 1999 John Andretti
• 2000 Bobby Hamilton
• 2001 Jeff Purvis (Only person to win AND finish last in the Daytona 500 in the same year)
• 2002 Tony Stewart **
• 2003 Dick Trickle
• 2004 Mark Martin
• 2005 Bob Barker
• 2006 Matt Kenseth
• 2007 AJ Allmendinger
• 2008 Kenny McCormick
• 2009 Lewis Hamilton
• 2010 Dick Trickle

Multiple Time Ghey of the Day winners

• Dick Trickle
• Big Boss

• - Also won Daytona 500 another year
  • - Still won championship that year
    • - Did both

[edit] The best Daytona 500s Ever

5. 1337- Sherudo Garo won, it was all announced in l33t, and there was a wreck on the last lap and all 43 people had to run across the finish line.

4. 1960- Poster Child for Millwood Nursing Home Keith Richards surprised everyone by winning. In victory lane he would break his hip and would die three days later. He would then be brought back to life where he would win again in 2003

3. 2007- largest fight contest, longest beer contest, and closet race---need I say more?

2. 1979- Another close finish, as well as the origion of the fight contest

1. 2000-The race saw 100 lead changes and 5 cars came across the line inches apart

[edit] The Daytona 500 and Corporate Sponsorship

Next to the Super Bowl, the Daytona 500 is the sporting event most capable of turning the public into product-buying zombies with its commercials. The Daytona 500 also has the third-most commercials, behind the Super Bowl and the ever-present Commercial Channel, which displays commercial 24/7/365. Also, the weekend of the Daytona 500 is the third-largest weekend for shopping, behind the weekend before Christimas and the weekend after Thanksgiving. Apparently, The weekend of the Daytona 500 is also called President's Day weekend. I don't know why because personally I consider Presidents quite useless.

[edit] People in Favor of the Daytona 500

• Elliott Sadler- its one of the few races where he consistently finishes in the top ten
• Jeff Gordon- because he wins every other year

[edit] People who think the Daytona 500 should go to hell

• Dale Earnhardt Jr.- the race killed his f---en father. I would want it done away with if I was him.
• Mark Martin- raced in 24 Daytona 500s, but never won it. He claims that NASCAR President Mike Helton is reponsibile, but I say that he just has the worst luck on the face of the earth.
• Steadman Marlin - his father f---en killed Dale Earnhardt Sr. so that is why he hasn't raced a Nationwide series race in 2008.