Deeryism

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1 Thomas Baron Deery
2 The Birth Of Deeryism
3 Basic beliefs of Deeryism
4 Deeryism in practice
5 Deeryism and change
6 Deerysim and the future

[edit] Thomas Baron Deery

Deeryism is a doctrine encompassing the controversial thoughts of the action-hero and political scientist Thomas Baron Deery.

Deery lived in the mythical age of Noorsquan, where the dastardly creatures of the night were said to do battle with the good people of Finland. This age was never recorded in any historical texts, so "Scientists", notably from Ohio doubt that it ever existed.

Professor Steven H. Pennyfeather said "I doubt it ever existed".

Deery himself was a mysterious figure, and little is known about himself as a person. All evidence we do have of the man's personality exists in the Nordic town charter where Deery is recorded to have committed the abominable act of buggery with his roommate, Charlie.

Deery was flogged in front of the town for three days, in which it is widely reported that he died twice and had to be resuscitated by his long time wife, Barbara Windsor.

[edit] The Birth Of Deeryism

Deery wrote in his infamous text, Deeryism and death to all other political doctrines, especially communism, that he was inspired by a freak thunderstorm in his home town of Nottingham, later renamed Oslo, later renamed MichaelJacksonVille; in which a cow was struck by lightning three times in quick succession; he wrote that "The bovine beast was pounded with three hellish bolts of the sky light, and lived".

Deery referred to Lightning as Sky light as electricity had not yet been harnessed as an energy source; incidentally, it was discovered to be effective later that day by an aspiring journalist, Louis Lane. It is obvious why Deeryism was inspired by the cow, as the next chapter demonstrates.

[edit] Basic beliefs of Deeryism

There are eleven basic beliefs of Deeryism:

Life is only worth living if you agree to submit all authority to the one and only God, Lindsay Lohan.
Political awareness comes from the BBC; therefore it is right to criticise the BBC at all times.
Hit movie, The Crow starring Brandon Lee is the greatest treasure ever produced by humanity and should be revered at all times.
There should be only one country called Poland in which all animals should be called Bruce Willis.
You were born before your mothers i.e. you are all freaks of nature.
Speech should be eliminated as a form of communication, diagrams should be used instead.
The four kings of the East, Anybody, Somebody, Everybody and Nobody should be rejected at all times as prophets of God they style themselves to be.
There should be no wealth, instead the word wealth should be replaced by wang wherein people can state that J.P. Sanchez of Washington is more wangier than Oku Kiki Ekanem of Uganda.
Whenever people finish sentences, they should have to say "over"; only people speaking over internal communications systems such as pilots are exempt from this.
All people should have beards. These beards should be cut off once every Thirteen years during a full moon on the Thirteenth of Thirteen-ober. People without beards on ths day i.e. everyone should be taxed all their remaining wang (wealth).
All people should be named after objects.

[edit] Deeryism in practice

In theory, Deeryism is the most sound political system in creation; it is enjoyable by all men, even the Mexicans. However, once implemented as an effective political ideology, it fails. All the time. Everywhere. For example, Deeryism was utilized as a system of politcal thought during the short time in which Prussia and Slovenia were intimate with one another; the whole world collapsed for about ten years- killing the dinosaurs.

[edit] Deeryism and change

As stated before, it obvious how the cow and the lightning inspired Deery. After Deery's untimely death several moments ago from what doctors call "heartburn" (I know, Doc- spare us your medical mumbo-jumbo), Deerysim has become immensely popular, not only as a social science but as a physical science, and curriculums have been changed accordingly.

Immediately after his death, American Novelist, John Steinbeck posthumously assumed the position of Deerysim's official leader, and has discarded the eleven basic beliefs of Deerysim. Deerysim purists maintain the beliefs and have become disillusioned with the new direction the movement is headed.

This is in direct contrast to the Neo-classical-post-Thatcherite-terrorist-antidisestablishmentarianist Deeryists of South America who argue that their beliefs are open and in honesty, kind of silly.