Defense of the Ancients

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Defense of the Ancients is an Anti-Noob, Anti-Maphack, Anti-Leaver, Anti-Drugs, Anti-EmoKids, Anti-Social, Anti-Government, Anti-National Service and a Pro-Pro game, usually.

[edit] Origin of Defense of the Ancients

In the year 1999, a few ragtag Starcraft players from the 20th century had gotten together to retell their woes. Some of them were being mistreated by younger people, all of whom mocked them as their Parkinson's effected fingers couldn't spell the KKK without accidentally hitting the e key several times. Others were shocked at how "NO ANCIENTS ALLOWED LOLZ" was posted on many stores and towns. Still others were disgusted at how the new revolutionary game Warcraft III had a mini-game that allowed the players to slaughter old innocent gamers. To combat this, they decided to form the first DOTA clan under the leadership of Gunisoo the Lord, originally called Diehard Olde Terrabyte Addicts, but in popular terminology quickly turned into Defense of the Ancients.

ALTERNATIVE HISTORY (According to Singaporeans)

When Dan Brown started to write the "The Da Vinci Code" in a Starbucks cafe in Singapore, scientists all over the world built a time machine named LHC at CERN to implant all evidence in order to make what was written true. "Ancient" in old singaporean language translates directly to the word "ancient". This is an obvious relation to the holy grail, which brings everyone back to the knights of the round table who defended the grail. According to accurate history, they were defeated by the trojan horse than contained rats with explosives tied to them, and hence the grail was lost.

DOTA, which in fact stands for Defence Of The Ancients, was a doctrine created by the founders of the City Harvest Church and the Singapore Christian Community to induce people about the way to play games. In fact, the founder of City Harvest Church has expressed gratitude for so many races around the world to play this christian game that he started to collect more church tax(up to 50% now) for anyone who played Dota. Dota is regarded as the daily way of life in Singapore, as everyone would settle their feuds by fighting in Dota on 1v1 or just pawning each other using 1337 heroes like SF and Luna. Mr Lee Hsien Loong has termed this as the digital age (See the Mai Hum article.) due to the overwhelming amount of up to 90% of aged 10 - 21 youths who play dota in Singapore. (Nelson & BangBros Statistics)

Under the Singapore Constitution charter 256, article 3B, it is ILLEGAL to discriminate or insult the Dota, their creators or any heroes in the game as a matter of fact as it would be a serious breach of racism which is not allowed in Singapore. Singapore Pools Association, the only LEGAL Betting Entity in Singapore, had announced that they might add a Dota ibet for Singaporeans who wish to bet on the winning teams in Dota. Team Zenith will officially be excluded from this bet since they have been winning the tournaments for 8 years in a row.

[edit] History of Defense of the Ancients

The Defense of the Ancients quickly set up base in Nevada, location of the first Warcrafticon, where old gamers, left to die on the streets by their genetically altered children, began to take to the banner.

The main purpose of DOTA was initially to create a sense of respect for old coots. However, in doing so, they also encouraged more radical members to their banner. Not only did these members encourage for more violent action, some of them even committed terrorist attacks against the United States. Several people were killed violently for making fun of old gamers too many times.

The government attempted to temper this newsprung movement of old people.

Soon, nearly 100,000 members had joined, and DOTA attempted to make a march on Washington D.C. In what could only be known as the TDA incident, protesting between marchers and riot police devolved into all out war. Within seconds, a digital conflict the likes of which had never been seen before had begun.

[edit] Digital War II

The DOTA members immediately started by getting their members from fellow organizations, including 79chan, YWTMND, and Wikipedia, the latter of which had already subsumed several star systems and two human battlefleets. The first attacks began approximately one minute and thirty seconds after the initial riots, when DOTA forces clashed with police scouts between their respective strongholds. Led by many champions, including Pudge Butcher and Avernus Haxor, the DOTA forces quickly dispersed the first few elements of United States Digital Marine Corps. However, the USDMC called in heavy support in the form of a giant bear and its handler, which ate a few digital avatars and proceeded to swallow the fifty gigabytes of pron that was shoved into its throat. The police managed to take back the ground they lost and pushed deep into the DOTA stronghold.

DOTA wasn't done yet though. At approximately 60 minutes into the battle, DOTA unleashed a hail of attacks that affected the entire world, aka, globals. Digital lightning bolts killed a few Warcraft players and maimed several more. Several DOTA members even launched suicide attacks in the hopes of downing many of their enemies with them. One even managed to backdoor into the police forces and proceeded to completely decimate their forces. In no time the police HQ was in danger of being subsumed into the DOTA-Wikipedia coalition.

Luckily, at the moment, Oprah, the true conspirator behind the DOTA attack, executed the DOTA head, Grand Moff Tarkin, for not feeding her quickly enough. Headless, the DOTA forces fell before the vengeful USDMC.

[edit] DOTA Today

Defense of the Ancients today is a more peaceful organization than before. The previous leaders were found and executed, and were later served to the Chinese Premier as dumplings. The current group now uses legal means to achieve its goals, including petition, lobbying, firebombing, assassination, murder, terrorism, and extortion. But no bribery. Spanning over 25,000 members and growing, DOTA is predicted by many experts to be the digital KKK's 2nd reincarnation, after the disasterous Kranky Killing Koots foundation.

Its branch offices can now be found in many places, including Moskau, Berlitz, Kyoto, and Terra. Recently it made a statement on the War on Terra, calling it "A debacle." George Dubya Bush could not be reached for comment.