Dementism
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“Your Mama is demented.”
~ Oscar Wilde on dementism
“Oscar Wilde is demented.”
~ Your Mom on dementism
“Thrilling - possibly the theory of the century.”
~ Movie Trailer Announcer Guy on dementism
“It should be wrapped in seaweed.”
~ A Sushi chef on dementism
“Dement or not dement, that is the question?”
~ Shakespeare on dementism
Warning: Due to extreme graphic and non-graphic content, please be forewarned not to proceed to proceed to not proceed to proceed if you have a strong constitution or do not have a strong constitution. We thank and do not thank you very much and not very much for your possible contribution and non-contribution to the article in any possible or impossible way. However we would most appreciate it or maybe not appreciate it if you simply just followed or in other words, do not follow, this directive. Thank you and no thank you for your time.
[edit] History
Dementism is an age-old subject that has recently been revived to much notoriety and disclaim. At this juncture, we would like to thank everybody for their discontinuous support (if any), and endless supplies of strawberry milk and seaweed that this writer is currently living on. Now, it would be difficult to say that dementism is a concept that contradicts itself, but then again, that would be a contradiction and because dementism being a contradicting theory, would contradict its own contradiction, and hence be contradictory to this particular contradiction. However, despite most contradictory efforts to rid the world of dementism, it has been widely agreed that dementism cannot be rooted out of our particularly demented space-time-tootsie-roll continuum and is a key player in quantum mechanics, causing utter stupidity when there should be none. For example, who the hell ever heard of a cat being dead and alive at the same time? I left my freaking hamster in the toilet with my scissors and it wasn't dead and alive when I came back. Anyway, it has been shown that dementism was well-founded even early in our civilization, if pooing in caves and smashing rocks over each others' heads can be considered civilization. This example of smashing rocks over each others' heads can be considered the most basest form of discovery of the concept of dementism. As one of the by-products of dementism is utter stupidity, this has been demonstrated at various junctions in history, and not just by primeval cave-pooing rock-smashing humanoid organisms during the Mesozodfwieuriweuhruwdf-whatever age. Later on, this stupidity inherent in the theory of dementism began to manifest itself, even in our present age and day. Some examples include, the creation of the Esplanade in Singapore, the introduction of a law system, shaving one's hair, and finally, in, what we shall later explain, hair clips and little trinkets. A further example is provided in the form of tootsie rolls.As the Latin saying goes, the theory of dementism, having been dormant for many years, finally was aroused, and, caught in flagrante delicto, or, as 계란 타트 would put it, caught with its pants and all accompanying bells and clothing down. For the uninitiated, some translations are provided.
これを理解しないためにいかにしなさいか、愚か !!!! Я не верю вы не может понять я говорил!?!?!?!?! Ciò è l'ultima paglia proverbial! Κλείστε επάνω και ακούστε!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you. Now, proceeding, it was finally caught unawares and proved by a flock of migratory penguins currently based in Singapore, whilst pondering the immense philosophical greatness of the world, for example, fish. It has been with the utmost disinterest that this great theory has been considered, and we will attempt to revive it by hypnotizing you now and forcing you to recite it.
Ελληνικά :
Πέφτετε κοιμισμένοι...
眠った落下... である...
Thank you for your time; please proceed to the next section.
[edit] Underlying Principle
Basically, the underlying principle of dementism states that "In the absence of dementism, everything is demented." For example, take the following sentence. I am a cat. In itself, this sentence is nothing to go demented about. But according to the principle of dementism, due to the fact that it is not demented, it is! The Question is "Is it demented because it is, or is it it because it is demented." We shall never know.
Note: this is just a rough summary of the ideas involved in dementism. For a full mathematical approach to dementism, go stuff your head into the nearest demented math textbook you can find.
[edit] Chapter 1: At the beginning there was a sweet potato
Dementism, which, as we said, is one of the world's best creationism theories, and Grand Idiot Unification Theories (a great milestone in physics)- G(i)UT- shows in full detail (whether you like it or not) the UNIVERSE. In one of our most important findings, we discovered that the Earth is actually a Giant Sweet Potato. This is because sweet potatoes are the only non-demented thing in the entire world. This very basic principle ought to be understood by ALL and is NOT a contradiction. (Go whack yourself.) Hrm hrm. In the book dementism , there is this poem about dementism:
Demented,
Not or?
Am.
Not am,
Be.
[edit] Chapter 2: How to contemplate the universe
In order to contemplate the universe, just look at the line below. IT IS A LINE. Try to find its beginning and end.
It may be hard at first, but stare hard enough, and if your monitor does not burn a hole into your retinas you should be able to see the secret of the cosmos. This is the only non-demented instruction in this demented article.
[edit] Chapter 2.1353359375: Implications of Dementism
The theory of dementism charges that all objects in this multi-uni-multiverse contain a certain amount of dementism that cause the inherent stupidity and idiocy of the universe, as well as the dementism effect. However it is quite obvious to the idiot mind that ¿Usted no entiende esto...? In fulfilling the law of dementism, the objects both have and do not have that amount of dementism. But this in itself merely proves that the objects are thus demented. Hence, we have shown that the universe is demented. Now let us examine the implications. Contrary to what physicists have mentioned about the conservation of momentum and mass, Linda, a famous housewife, has proved this theory wrong, and many other colourful housekeepers of similar persuasion have also protested against such a blatant use of complicated mathematics to confuse the untrained, dirt-spotting eye. Linda has put forth the theory that matter is constantly flowing into the world in well-developed forms, and this being such an utterly stupid idea, matches up with dementism very well. As one well knows, if one opens a dusty cabinet, one will be able to find an object, a book, a tampon, a soft toy, a blood-stained wrench, an illegal immigrant or even the utterly stupid Uncyclopedia, that will take one's breath away and make one wonder: Just what in blue hell is this thing doing here? If you have experienced this before, please raise your virtual hand and do not act stupidly. You see, matter flows into the world in these forms, and how can any self-respecting object conserve its mass in any case? Now, about momentum. Oh dear, do I even have to explain this? You must be horribly stupid to need to have me explain this. It has been claimed by quack doctors and physicists that when one is in motion, and hits an object when in motion, momentum will be conserved and transferred to that object. However, this is not so, as any self-respecting child fan of Looney Tunes will tell you. Whenever the Coyote paints a picture of a hole in the mountainside, the Road Runner is able to run straight through without any problems. How can momentum be conserved if the Road Runner is able to run straight through a painting? Well, the Coyote faces certain problems, but, that can, then again, be attributed to the inherent idiocy of the universe, hence proving me right again.
[edit] Chapter 3:Hidden meanings of dementism
According to the Cambridge Dictionary for Dummies, the meaning of Demementism is the act of remebering and yet forgetting at the same time. This is very smiliar to what Arthur once said to the secret of flying. "Flying is when you throw yourself on the floor and missed". The concept here is very similiar. We can thus infer that in order to become demented, we must firstly remember, which is the exact opposite of dementism, and at that point in time, something must distract us and we will become demented
[edit] Chapter 4: Dementism and Shakesphere
What does dementism have to do with the great poet... well, it has to do with a great deal... shakesphere, as his name suggests, was shaking his sphere in a demented way one day and he conceived the idea of the Earth being a sweet potato (look up ^^^^^), and that was not proven until recent years...
Also, one of his many literature works are centred around the concept of dementism... Lets take Macbeth for an instance it is about a demented soul killing a demented king and was defeated by a demented man in this demented tale performed on demented stages for demented audiences. Or we can take his famous quote...
Dement or not dement, that is the question... this quote is highly philosophical, and has demented a lot of brains in the past century, and we are currently coming up with the explanation...
[edit] Chapter 5: Quantum Dementism
The Joel's constant (J) in quantum dementism is defined as 
. This constant is useful for many calculations, but perhaps its most useful application is to calculate the dementism probability wave factor of any demented quasiobject. The formula for calculation is 
where x and y are the two planar coordinates of the dementism wave function. the degree of dementism is therefore given by the square of the ampitude of the wave.
in addition, the energy of light is given by the formula e=jf, where e=energy, j=joel's constant and f=frequency. Therefore, since light itself is demented in nature, everything we see is demeted as well
Recently, with the new advances in quantum physics, quantum dementists have a new theory that particles are made up of demented pieces of one-dimensional strings vibrating in a demented way in demented curled-up extra spatial dimensions. With the very, very latest quantum theory, M-theory, these demented one-dimensional strings suddenly morph into equally retarded two-dimensional membranes.
Now, with the very, very, very latest quantum theories, quantum dementists are reckoning that these two-dimensional membranes are actually three-dimensional string bikinis. But dementists are unable to explain why some retarded beach babe left her super-small string bikinis all over the place.
[edit] Chapter 6: Dementism and teachers
For how demented teachers are, just stare at them carefully. Think they are demented? Feel demented yourself? you should be.
[edit] Chapter 7: The Neverending Demented Tale (just add on, dont edit)
ALL CHARACTERS AND NAMES IN THIS STORY ARE FICTIONAL AND ARE NOT REAL. There was once a boy. His name started with 'L'. He went up onto a tree with a washing machine. while climbing up, he got his clothes dirty, so he decided to wash them. He puts his clothes in and talks to the girl next to him who was also using a washing machine to wash her clothes. The girl asked him what his name was. He replied," L. L for Lucifer Leongilocks, you know the Goldilocks? Yeah, that 'lock'." The girl did her self introduction. She was called Jascesi Francis.
After that, they had a leisure talk about school life, dementism and crushes. Oh my, when they asked about each other's crushes, what a coincidence they had! Lucifer said he liked a girl by the name of Jess while Jascesi said she liked Locks. See the similarity here? (have a good laugh)
Then, L's mind began to wonder to other things. Things like cop******* and er****** dy*********.
LIFE LESSON NO. 1: Washing clothes on trees is a good way of improving your sexual health
[edit] Chapter 8:Dementism and Physics
The dementism theory is a widely used one in the field of science, most notably physics. This has nothing to do with quantum dementism. Dementism is used in the calculation of how long it takes for demented objects to fall from a height and the amount of dementism produced in the resulted dement area. Let dementism in this case be d, therefore 
, and therefore 
. to calculate the 
, we will need to used a variation of the Quantum dementism, and the simplified version is as follows, 
If that looks complicated, see the "zero proof" in math. Thus, you can simplify all those weird equations into a 0. Coincidentally, 0 is the shape of a sweet potato!
[edit] Chapter 9: Dementism and Shells
Dementism and shells, or Dementshell, is a subtopic of Dementism which we plan to elaborate further another day.
Shells include turtle shell, Lucifer the bald headed shell, oyster shells and electron shells. Turtle shells and oyster shells are classified under the category of aquashells because of its aquatic properties (such as itself being served in a seafood restaurant). Other shells are classified as landshells.
Shells are demented because they have supernatural powers which are caused by uber genetic manipulation, and they are able to cause their habitants or anything close enough to them (approximately 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001mm) to gain absolute power. Without the presence of shells, everything in this world would then not be demented. Take a turtle shell for example. A turtle shell contains supernatural powers within their green pigmented areas. With the presence of a demented object on their backs, turtles are then called turtles and hence possess these supernatural powers too. With the presence of an electron shell in an atom, an atom is then called an atom, and hence posses supernatural powers to be able to react with other atoms to form molecules or diatomic atoms.
In conclusion, the absence of the shells causes the habitants of them to be undemented and hence contradicts our statement that in the absence of dementism, everything is demented.
[edit] Chapter 100000: Flaws of dementism
Dementism as a concept or theory also has its flaws, like most other concepts or flaws do. One argument is that the statement 'in the absence of dementism, everything is demented' itself contradicts the theory of dementism. How?
In the statement, we shall assume that everything in this world is not demented. Then, according to the dementism theory, everything IS demented. However, this generalization/ conclusion is problematic because anything cannot be demented and not demented at the same time, unless it is demented. Hence our assumption is wrong (i.e. nothing in this world is not demented/ everything in the world is demented.)
However, if everything in the world is demented, then there is no significance of the statement 'in the absence of dementism, everything is demented', because nothing is not demented. This proves that the statement either contradicts the theory/concept of dementism.
The penguins and contributing authors are still in deep thought about this argument and will come out with defence arguments. However, due to the demented nature of this argument, little progress is being made. some another day.
