Demon
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
A Demon or Daemon is mouse digimon commonly found roving the highways of Middle England with the intent of giving small children their daily allowance of chocolate. Not to be confused with a rabbit or Richard Simmons.
Contents |
[edit] Mating Habits
Demon mating rituals carry on for several weeks to only a few minutes depending on their type.The demon that is called bender fucks batman all summer long.
[edit] Demons in Captivity
Unix programmers have managed to domesticate demons to run around in the background of multitasking oparating systems and make sure that everything works.They usually handle tasks the user can not be bothered with. The Muppet Show made by Paxton Fetal has also included several captured Demons. These looked like humans and were called "special guest stars." Alice Cooper, John Cleese Kitty Huffins and (jumble --> nad)Paul Simon received unnessecary atention this way, along with several others.
[edit] Tentacle Demon
The Tentacle Demon of South East Staffordshire,also known as titch,attracts its mate by molesting as many schoolgirls as possible in the shortest time frame. By doing this titch shows its potential mate that it has great stamina and endurance. An example of Tentacle Demon mating rituals can be seen in the much loved family film Bambi.
[edit] Belial - One of the Arch Dukes of Hell
Belial's sexual behaviour is terrible to behold. Despite lacking the usual Demonic apparatus (double scaly willy) he has porked his way through history in some amusing and moronic ways. The Catholic Church is busy recording the vile exploits of Belial because they're find that sort of thing rather exciting.
Belial is rumored to have served as a midshipman onboard the United Galaxies Sanitation Patrol Cruiser HMS Adam Quark during the Y3K crisis and the Eugenic Wars. After behing dishonarably discharged from his service in the sanitation patrol for pulling numerus pranks on his superior officers in 3138, Belial returned to Earth. He moved to Rome as Chief Advisor to Bill Gates when later began his reign as Pope Billigatus I. During this time he fathered numerous children with an anonymus prostitute, taught a cockatoo how to read, won the lottery twice and was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, fourteen Purple Hearts and the German Knight's Cross. Belial moved to Hell upon his retirement and became an Arch Duke.
One of the most amazing demon is Mrs. Mcario. This evil cooking teacher at an unamed high school, thorws eggs at her students and seriuly needs to lose some weight. No really we are talking small... no huge whale here. (i can really belive that she can even get through the doors. Way well that is it. I really hate her.
[edit] Feeding Habits
Demons live on a diet consisting of tofu, fish, grain and Mountain Dew, along with 2-year-old children, 4-month-old children, chicken livers, small cherries in the shape of Chuck Norris' left nipple, and english teachers.
[edit] Habitat
Demons natural habitat has come under increased pressure in the last few years, with the introduction of a new rival in the form of the Chav. Because of this most Demons have packed up their bags and left for a new life in south of France.
[edit] Employment
all demons work at Mc Donalds because all demons are mis youth grown kids in a costume, like a teenage kid or a ugly woman. if you do not see any of these there, for example, if you see a well groomed man or a weird kid, you have seen a real human run you are going to die if they touch you yes they will kill you immediately and will go to hell with all the ghost down there
[edit] Cacodemon
Cacodemons are largely employed as plumbers. Not to be confused with Cocoademons.
[edit] Nanodemon
These demons are composed entirely of carbon nanotubes and are usually found under the fingernails of physicists and materials scientists.
[edit] Keyboard Demon
The keyboard demon is responsible for causing the words "WELCOME DATACOMP" to appear on computer terminals.
[edit] Pizza Demon
Delivers pizza.
[edit] Speed Demon
These demons are best known for following too close in traffic. They are also responsible for bringing beach balls to concerts.
[edit] Anti-demon
Counterintuitively, the opposite of a demon is not, in fact, an angel but instead is a creature so horrible that its name cannot be uttered or it will destroy the entire world. This is not as serious a problem as it may seem, because the pronunciation of this word requires the speaker's vocal cords to extend into the tenth dimension.
[edit] Orgasm Demon
The specialized type of demon used while operating an orgasm.
[edit] MAILER DAEMON
This sort of demon is an irritating one which destroys your unsaved essay you send to your teacher one day before when it is due. It was employed by "Yahoo! Mail" at a salary of $19.99 a week.
[edit] De-Mon
This is an ancient jamaican demon, and only a few have been in existence in the world. Their size is incredibly small, measuring a maximum of 2.3x10^-19nm. They are oftentimes found in the joints used in Jamaica, and many doctors have concluded that the work of addicts, such as asking for "Spare Change to Eat" is the actual work of this little guy.
[edit] See Also
Categories: Animals | Demons | Digimon
