Denis Diderot
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How did they meet? By chance, like everyone. What were their names? What does it matter to you? Where did they come from? From the furthest away place. Where were they going? Does one know where one is going? What were they saying? The Master was saying nothing, and Jacques was dictating an Uncyclopedia article on Denis Diderot.
[edit] Life
Jacques: When I get drunk on this bad wine, I forget to take care of the horses. My father saw this happen once and got angry. I shook my head, but he beat me over the shoulders. A regiment happened to be passing, and in a fit of pique I enlisted. It was there that I met Captain Diderot.
The Master: You served under Captain Diderot!
Jacques: Indeed.
The Master: You never told me that before.
Jacques: I believe it.
The Master: Why hadn't you?
Jacques: It couldn't have been said earlier or later than now.
The Master: Is it now the time for me to learn about Diderot?
Jacques: Who knows?
You see, Reader, I am on a roll. What's to stop me from making you wait one, two, three years before Jacques starts talking about Diderot? Why couldn't I, in the meantime, marry off the Master and then make him a cuckold?
--Maybe because people come here to read about Diderot, and they would get bored reading about something else.
Reader, you are really very impertinent! Don't interrupt me and let Jacques tell Diderot's story.
[edit] Philosophy
Jacques: Captain Diderot said that everything that happens down here was written up above.
The Master: So it was written up above that you would tell me this now.
Jacques: Exactly.
The Master: I'm wondering about one thing. When cats fall, they land on their paws, so therefore it is written up above that cats will always land on their paws. Similarly, it is also written up above that toast will always land buttered-side down. What is written up above when you put a piece of toast on the back of a falling cat?
Jacques: Both results are written up above! Everything is written at once. You see, ...
Jacques and his Master then continued their theological discussion, neither one hearing the other, which happens in theology.
--But what else is there to Diderot's philosophy?
So many questions, Reader! Don't you want to hear Jacques talk about Diderot?
[edit] Encyclopédie
The Master: Tell me more about your Captain.
Jacques: In 1751, he started plagiarising an English encyclopaedia. He translated it into French and called it Encyclopédie. Because no-one else was bi-lingual, he got away with this and became famous for it.
--Isn't that being a little bit harsh on Diderot?
Reader, stop being so rude!
--I'm not being rude.
You are so being rude.
--Am NOT.
Are SO.
--Am NOT.
Fine then. I'm going home.
