Denis Leary
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Denis Leary is an American actor, comedian, writer, producer, star of the FX Channel drama series Rescue Me, and is a professional Marlboro Reds smoking contest winner. In his stand-up act, Leary is known to say he is proud to be an "asshole" and manages to hammer this theme repeatedly throughout his entire monologue (along with a song he wrote named "Asshole") until the audience reverberates with the expletive ringing between their ears. He is also famous for stealing the entire act of legendary political and social satirist Bill Hicks. As a result, he became one of Hollywood's most respected and successful comedians. With the release of No Cure for Cancer (1993), this best-selling comedy album broke Leary into the national spotlight. He tours the United States and Europe with his drinking buddies, singing song parodies that would end up in Weird Al Yankovic's incinerator.
Leary is able to smoke five Marlboro Reds packs a day with no ill effects, and enters many smoking contests throughout the world. Leary is also in the Guinness Book of World Records for Most Stolen Jokes in a Career and is the recipient of Comedy Central's The Andy Kaufman Overrated Comedians' Lifetime Achievement Award (2005).
[edit] How Bill Hicks Turned Into Denis Leary
There are many conspiracy theories revolving around the bitter rivalry between the two American comedians. The most prominent urban legend of this controversy is the one currently being trumpeted by Anonymous. In January 1993 when the comedy album No Cure for Cancer was released, Bill Hicks metamorphosed through Satanic alchemy into his current human form of Denis Leary. The human experiment was funded and monitored by an unnamed Native American tribe in the state of Massachusetts (USA).
[edit] The Transformation of Hicks Into Leary
According to Anonymous, Bill Hicks' comedy material and attitude was not technically plagiarized by Leary on Cancer. Before he became Leary, Hicks was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer since infancy. Almost ready to give up all his Hollywood dreams, Hicks concocted a plan to attain immortality by transforming himself into a more palatable, showbiz industry uber-beast:
"Instead of rotting away from cancer like a sad little goat boy, I've decided to find a way to live forever in another living form. Something that's a little more hardier kind of breed, more Hollywood-savvy.
"Right now with the help of several Native American shamans, we are creating a blueprint for a body, a receptacle where my soul will keep on living for about three or four more decades. I will be known as 'Denis Leary.'
"To achieve this, I will live in a teepee in the desert, let the cancer take over my body, and just before I turn into Denis, for a year, the shamans will soak me in a tub of NyQuil and Sudafed." -- Bill Hicks Diaries, 1990
[edit] Fun Facts About Denis Leary
- Why did IMDb credit Hicks in Leary's No Cure For Cancer as an "uncredited writer?"
- Therefore, Leary is not really that proud to be an "asshole"
- Yes, he did write a song called "Asshole." He likes assholes. It's his thing
- Addicted to NyQuil and Sudafed
- Associated with Scientology via Leary Firefighters Foundation regarding a "purification" therapy
- Not a good Catholic. See Scientology
- Denies that he's into the "Shiny Happy People" of R.E.M.'s Michael Stipe
- Related to Conan O'Brien, for some reason
- You don't have to bring him the head of Barry Manilow, because he's had one on his own head for years
- He's not really an actual NYC firefighter like actor Steve Buscemi. He just plays one on Rescue Me
- Claims to smoke "seven thousand packs a day" but really only smokes five
- Still unable to joke about his movie flop Operation Dumbo Drop in his stand-up act
- The gold standard of joke thieves in Hollywood. Proteges include Carlos Mencia, Dane Cook
