Denny's
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Denny's is an American based restaurant chain that specializes in selling huge portions of low-nutrient/high-fat foods. A prominent feature of each Denny’s is a spacious and state of the art vomitorium. Most restaurants are located near busy interstate highways and are open 24 hours a day, much to the dismay of the Food and Drug Administration. Additional attractions include the in-wall vacuum system, which children and perverts love to play with, and witnessing the comings and goings of the dredges of society.
The favorite dish at Denny’s is the Homerun Breakfast, which consists of three whole chickens, a five-pound ham, twenty double-sized lard and flower balls (sometimes called biscuits) and three dozen eggs. The whole meal is then covered in sawmill gravy and deep-fried in bacon fat. A long running tradition is to try to eat the whole thing without the usual two or three trips to the vomitorium, although only a handfull of truly dedicated truckers have ever succeeded in this task.
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[edit] Things To Do At Denny's
- Watch the native mating rituals of local drunks
- Collect used chewing gum from under tables
- Eat massive portions of foods that would make a vulture turn away in disgust
- Hide from family and friends during the holiday season
- Pick up truckers
- Get picked up by truckers
- Learn how to become a trucker
- Pick a fight with the drunks
- Yodel, Yodel I say!!
- Attempt to mate with the in-wall vacuum system
[edit] Things Not To Do At Denny's
- Eat a well balanced meal
- Mingle with the rich and famous (except at the Encino location)
- Meet future spouses (well, not recommended anyway)
- Attempt to mate with the in-wall vacuume system
[edit] Fun Facts!
- Denny's spelled backwards is the German word for dick
- Similarly, Walt Disney dyslexically took his last name from the late, great Denny Denny.
- Denny's sells enough biscuits every year to fill Oprah's bowels to 3/4 capacity
- If you are at Denny's at exactly 12 midnight you are missing out on time better spent at the bar
- Denny's gets their hamburger meat from the McDonald's dumpster
- Denny's only employs this guy
- This is a bullet point, idiots use these when making lists
- Oscar Wilde refuses to comment on Denny's
- Denny's must stay open at all times or it will implode
- Denny's is the world's number one supplier of vomit
- Due to unknown supernatural forces, all people must make at least one pilgrimage to Denny's within their lifetime.
[edit] History
Denny's was opened in 1991 by founder and CEO Dennis Rodman. The idea for the restaurant came from his entourage who always seemed hungry for Rodman's mother's home cooking, and you could often hear then saying "hey, lets go to Denny's house to eat". After a while Dennis got sick of his free-loading friends and did what most money-grubbing meglomaniacs have done, found a way to profit from it.
The first Denny's location was opened up in Death Valley, California and was built out in the middle of the desert. Not surprisingly, this location failed to draw much business. A year later, in July of 1992, Rodman got the idea that if he were to put the restaurant near a busy street then business might follow. He surmised that California's highways were the busiest streets in the world and that maybe he should put one there. This second attempt, located off of I-405 in Encino, California would catapult the franchise into the mainstream.
By late 1995 there were over 20,000 Denny's operating around the world with plans to expand until there is a Denny's at every major highway intersection across the globe. You have been warned!
[edit] Denny's and Racism
Before the early 90's Denny's didn't serve black people. But then after a series of highly publicized lawsuits by the NAACP, Denny's finally agreed to serve black people. At present, Denny's does serve black people.
When asked by news reporters why Denny's didn't serve black people, the founder of the chain, Dennis Rodman, had this to say, "We don't serve black people 'cause blacks is all cheap. Dine and dash yo!"
