Des Lynam

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“Hi there. Glad you could join me.”

~ Des Lynam on this article

“"Des Lynam was the only thing worth watching on a Saturday morning back in the '80s. Well, unless you count wanking-off to Pat Sharp."”

~ Oscar Wilde on Des Lynam

“A mythical creature. Half man, half moustache.”

~ Martin Kelner on Des Lynam

Look at that mischief in his eye!

Leslie Desmond Lynam, or Les 'Des' Lynam for short, is the TV presenter most well known for killing Richard Whiteley and stealing his job. He is also well known for his moustache.

1 Early Life
2 Match of the Day
3 Hibernation
4 Operation Alan Hansen
5 Countdown Years
6 See also
7 Fun Facts

[edit] Early Life

Des Lynam stunned scientists by being born aged 52. Therefore he has no early life.

[edit] Match of the Day

In the 1990's Des Lynam took the reigns of popular football (or soccer in the US, or Mutchmansheimereis in Russia), show Match of the Day. Here he got to display publicly his love for the beautiful game. Des soon became distracted by Alan Hansen and they ended up getting married in the studios before the 1995 FA cup final. When Hansen suddenly realised what he had done in 2000, he quickly divorced Des and left with all his money. Des then quit the show.

[edit] Hibernation

After leaving MOTD, Des went into hibernation. Here he preserved energy so that he could plan his next move. He was to steal the career of another celebrity.

[edit] Operation Alan Hansen

Operation Alan Hansen was the codename Des gave to his plan to kill a celebrity and steal their careers. His first attempt was almost succesful. His shot was perfect and his victim died. The only flaw was that it was Les Dennis and he didn't have a career. His second attempt was a disaster. He, foolishly, attempted to kill Chuck Norris with a breadknife. However, Chuck used his ninja powers to thwart him. When Chuck was asked if he wanted to press charges, he declined. Nobody knows why. His third attempt was successful. He waited in the Countdown studios one night and pushed Richard Whiteley down some stairs. He then jumped in the Countdown presenters seat and has since never moved.

[edit] Countdown Years

It turned out to be a bad move as Des hated the show and was just molested by old women. He wanted out and quit in September 2006.

[edit] See also

Countdown (game show)

[edit] Fun Facts

Des is a keen collector of used beer cans. Kestrel Super Strength and Hofmeister being two of his particular favourites. Des collects the cans by drinking their contents in the street.

It is rumoured that Des speaks more than 400 languages and he actually invented the language spoken by Eskimos.

Appeared in many underground pornos alongside Jimmy Hill including Shemale Shenanigans, Sausage Fest 5 and Jim & Des's Big Rimming Adventure.

Des has a very high opinion of Countdown co-presenter Carol Vorderman. "She's the most delicious tart in the whole Countdown cakeshop. I think you all know what I'm saying.", says cheeky Des.