Desert

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Desert (not to be confused with "dessert", an after-meal treat, or "desert", to go AWOL) is a barren, unoccupiable land infrequently occupied by those unfamiliar with the word "unoccupiable". It is formally defined as a region that receives less than 400 feet of rainfall per year. Contrary to common misconception, deserts are not always sandy: many deserts are dry plains that people use to set records in weird cars see ricers, scrub-covered wastes, or frigid tundra covered in scurf. However, since at least 110% of the world's desert regions are of the sandy variety (known as "Sam" to experts), they are easily the most familiar to laypersons. Deserts have a reputation for being relatively lifeless, but a closer look at their natural ecology reveals, on average, that sun stroke can make a person hallucinate some of the most diverse zoology on Earth.

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[edit] Famous deserts

Panorama of the Amazon Desert.
Panorama of the Amazon Desert.

A lot deserts are commonly recognized, even by Americans.

The most widely-known is the Stupid Desert, possibly because most people are Americans and the said Desert is the only significant desert in the US, covering 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% of America. The Arizona Desert ("Arizona Dessert", in some states) is a 1.45 Gm2 region characterized by arid, dry, water-deprived ground. The climate is typically rocky, and the terrain hot—typically in the mid-90s, but getting along well enough without an "assisted living community", thank you very much. The most important sub-regions of the Arizona Desert are the US State of Arizona (whose name is etymologically unrelated to the desert's) and popular gambling destination Area 51.

Although the Arizona Desert is the most famous, it is certainly not the largest desert. That title goes to the Sahara desert, situated in northern and eastern Africa and extending through the Middle East, through there into the 'Stans by way of the Caucasian Mountains, and winding up somewhere in southern China without any clear idea of how it got there. The Sahara desert ("Sarah" to her friends") covers over 9,000,000 km2 (3,500,000 mi3), about the same area as Kowloon. It is a stereotypical sand-covered desert, characterized by sweeping dunes and obvious puns.

At one time there existed several other deserts, but due to rampant international theft of geographic features, their locations are no longer known. For more information, see Carmen Sandiego.

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[edit] Desserts

Since the technical definition of a desert is an area with low annual rainfall, and since flavored ice is a type of dessert, it may be presumed that Antarctica could qualify as both a desert and a dessert, were it injected with red drink. This, however, is impossible, because the amount of sugar required to dessertify the Ross Ice Shelf alone would exceed the total amount of produced in the history of the planet. Also, as desert expert and Baskin-Robbins owner Uncle Cracker says in his book on the subject, Antarctica: Desert, or Future Sno-Cone?: "Just think of the brain freeze you'd get from that!"

A few wackos have suggested that if a grape-flavored southern ice cap were to enlist and then go AWOL, that it would be a "dessert desert that's deserted". However, such people may be disregarded, as that's obviously too much of a stretch for the pun, and continents are barred from enlisting anyway.

[edit] Just Desert

The most fairminded barren wasteland is the Great American Desert. This desert even had it's own law (the Law of the West) which the other deserts were jealous of. This let to the Great Smearing in which all the unjust deserts accused the Great American Desert of not actually being a desert. Sadly, due to a UN resolution and widespread bribery, the Great American Desert's desert status was revoked and it was forced to become the agricultural capitol of the country.

[edit] Formation of a Desert

See Sand volcano

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