Dexter
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“Hmm...I think that Dexter may be a show about a guy named "Dexter"”
~ Captain Obvious on Dexter
“No, it can't be that, what the hell makes you think that??”
~ Captain Oblivious on the above comment
The television show called Dexter, which comes on Showtime (although not much lately) and CBS (although too fucking edited to say so) is about a presumably middle aged forensics expert/serial killer. By day, he covers as a mild-mannered forensics and blood analyst who loves children and is possibly gay hates sex...no, wait, I was right the first time, he is possibly gay, with a slut/cop for a sister. By night, he's everything already mentioned, plus he's a serial killer who preys on the...well...er...other killers out there. For example, an alcoholic who killed multiple people in car accidents, and a nurse who was giving her patients poison to "end their suffering".
“I guess that he's like a hero”
~ Captain Obvious on what Dexter is exactly
Well, technically, you could say that, but he's not an official "hero" until Season Two.
“It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Superman!! Oh, no, hold on...it's some forensics expert about to fuck me off!!”
~ that guy on the guy named Dexter who's about to "fuck (him) off"
Yeah, pretty much
“So, in other words, we need to go on a man-hunt for this "Dexter" guy. I'm on the chase!! Right after we get Osama, and Micheal Jackson...and Britney........and my mom......the guy reading this page................and finally, the guy who made this motherfucking page.......holy shit, thank God for the upcoming elections!!”
~ George Dubya Bush on Dexter
[edit] Analysist
It has been mentioned (by him, mind you) that he is not a human. No, he is much worse than a human. What in the hell could possibly be worse than these motherfuckers whom we call humans, you ask? Simple. A Jew. Yes, it has been theorized that the jackass is a jew. However, I personally believe in the German theory myself. I mean, for crying out fucking loud, he gets a frikkin "rush" from killing people!!!! However, he could also be a Christian-hating middle-Eastern, because he has in fact killed a priest. Tortured him, really. In the first episode, too! But then again, the priest had been killing children.....yeah, I never really understood that about Dexter, honestly. He loves to kill, loves it! And yet, he would never kill a snot nosed kid!! What the fuck???
[edit] The "Code"
There is a code by which he kills. No, not the Da Vinci Code (good guess though!). It is known a-- what? You said Morse Code?? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU??? It's not the Morse Code, and if you don't shut the fuck up, I'll do to you what Dexter did to your mom! No, not kill her, fuck her. Like every other living creature on the planet has. Notice I said every other living creature...period. Not every other living male creature...ya get it now?? Yeah....your mom's a hoe. Putting it lightly, she's as bi as fuck. Well...there has been some debate about that, considering your "dad" Anyway, moving on. The Code is the "Cody of Harry". It means he won't kill anyone unless he feels they legitamately deserve it. Yeah, unless he feels. So, if you piss him off, you're gonna be offed by a psycopathic cop! Fuck on that, bitch!!!!
[edit] Seasons
Dexter has had a grand total of two (count 'em: 2) seasons. They are currently planning on airing the third season way, way to soon September 30 on Showtime. No, CBS is not gonna air the next season, because of the content. Hell, the fucking whiners in the public didn't want them to air the show at all, because of the fact that no matter how much editing you do to it, you cannot get passed the fact that the show revolves around the life of a serial killer. In other words, they were afraid exposure to real life might scar their kids. Big fucking shit, right? If they don't wanna watch it, don't fucking watch the motherfucking show!!!!
[edit] Season One
In this season you pretty much just meet Dexter. It's talks about how he got this way (he was a doggy-and-kitty-killer when he was a kid), it talks about how he doesn't doesn't have a conscience or heart (well then, why does he have to stick to the Code, and why not kill little snot-nosed kids?), shows his first ever arch-enemy (the Ice Truck Killer. Yeah, it is a gay name), and finally, he finds out the killer is his brother (killing must run in the family), who was actually fucking his (Dexter) sister. Eventually, Dexter kills him. Wow, that was a big mouthfull, but I'm just happy I completed the entire first season in just six paragraphs!
[edit] Season Two
This is where things get retarted. You know those vigilantes who kill criminals and ends up being loved by almost everyone except like one person because of it? Don't you hate those people? Then you'll hate this season. See, treasure hunters found the bodies of his victims in the river, then it's pretty much public, then everyone realizes exactly the type of people they were, then everyone except Sgt. Doakes (his all-around arch-enemy) loves him. Oh, and by the way, he has two nicknames in this season. The "Bay Harbor Butcher" was his nickname before people realize the type of people he was killing, and "The Dark Defender" became his name when people started to figure it out. And, no, no one knew who he was. Just making sure you know, you stupid son of a bitch okay? That pretty much wraps up the entire season.
[edit] Season Three
Tell me, after what you just read, do you really wanna see the next season? I know I don't. I'll tell you this though. Judging by the commercials, he gets caught!!! (makes a really girly shriek). As if we didn't already fucking know that.
[edit] MPAA Rating (yeah, of course you couldn't get through an article about a television show without having to hear about the MPAA rating
As was already stated by the irritatingly long heading, of course you couldn't get through a TV show article without having to hear about the MPAA rating (it's deja-vu all over again...you know, I never really understood that saying. Wouldn't "It's deja-vu all over again" mean it happened three times the same way or something...? Anyway...)The show is rated TV-MA on Showtime, and TV-14 on CBS, mainly for thematic elements (c'mon, it's a show revolving around a serial killer's life!), violence, and language. Yeah, on Showtime, they have words like "fuck" and "motherfucker" repeated 1,000 in every line (maybe over-exaggerating a little bit), but in CBS they replace "shit" with baloney, and "motherfucker" with motherlover. Do they honestly think we can't notice that??? As I said, if they can't handle the cussing, don't watch the motherfucking show!!!!!!!. Oh, and by the way, the only real reason it's TV-14 is because of thematic material. Bullshit.
[edit] DVD Release
Apparently there were enough idiots who liked this show to make them decide to release DVDs of the show. Seriously, can you believe that?? It's gotta be a conspiracy...anyway...the complete first season was released on August 21, 2007. It is available to all those pathetic houswives and all the preteens who wanna sneak a tit peek. But, honestly, what's the point of that? Even on the real version, the tits are so small it kills the idea that all TV tits are huge. I mean, they're like little M&Ms! WTF????? Also, the second season is coming out on DVD August 19, 2008. However, if you are smart enough to realize that the series is too pathetic to have to pay for, you can simply watch the episodes on the most famous internet raping dating and communication service, MyRape. Kinda ironic, isn't it? Watching a show about a serial killer on a raping dating serive...hello! Date Rape! Raping can kill!! Uh, yeah, do the math bitch.
[edit] Example of an Episode of Dexter
Opening Credits, involving Dexter getting ready for his day, but the camera super-zooming in on everything
Dexter just standing there, staring, having an inner monologue
Sgt. Doakes yells at him, calling him a "fucking asshole who gives me the fucking creeps"
Dexter has an inner monologue, then gets a beep on his pager telling him about a crime scene
Batista talks to him until they get to the crime scene
Masuka says something sexually suggestive
Dexter is reminded of his past by the crime scene and goes back to the station
Figg sits on her chair and pigs out on doughnuts
LaGuerta flirts with Dexter, then tells Deb she's pathetic
Dexter goes home and fucks with Rita, then beats her ex-husband
Dexter has an inner monologue, then prepares to kill the guy who made the crime scene
Dexter hangs out with Deb, who complains about her pathetic lovelife.
Dexter leaves in a hurry after seeing his next victim, then drugs the victim
Dexter waits til the naked victim is awake, then kills him
Dexter dumps the bodyparts in the bay, having an inner monologue
LaGuerta gets bitched at by Captain Tom Matthews
Dexter has an inner monologue
Ending credits
As you can see, Dexter has immensely irriating "inner monologues", basically talking to himself in his head. Trust me, they get really annoying.
[edit] If you wanna hear about more stupid shows, check these out!
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Categories: Death | Gay | Television | TV shows
