Diabetes

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One common cause of diabetes is imagery such as this

“I once knew a diabetic. Tasted a little bit like roast duck.”

~ Oscar Wilde

“If you have diabeetus, call Liberty Medical! They can help you live a better life.”

~ Wilford Brimley on Diabetes

A funny disease that makes you eat cupcakes and makes you more intelligent. Recommended for Americans, as it is also known to have a weight-loss effect.

Type 1 (There's more than one TYPE???) diabetics are the sexiest type, but also the most slutty... Diabetes makes these types sexier and they are the best people around... "I got the diabetes and fucking rock" is their war cry... Another popular war cry is "I'm diabetic and sexy, lets make babies..." But by far the most popular is, "Yes, that is an insulin pump. Now take off your clothes."

1 Causes
2 Effects on the Body
3 Solution?
4 Nicknames
5 See also

[edit] Causes

A very common reading on the most advanced blood glucose monitors.

Diabetes, and its advanced state The 'Beetus, is very popular in Eastern Spain and Eastern Russia. The disease is caused by a chemical imbalance that occurs when the brain is unable to process sugar. In some cases, pedophilia may also cause it, this is how B.B. King contracted it. Rarer still causes include chronic masturbation, intelligence, eating babies (low in sugar), and talking to Mexicans. In mild cases, its effects can be mitigated by diet, although in major cases requires the daily injection of heroin. In America, diabetics are typically viewed as mentally retarded and placed in mental institutions, where they typically eat one another, until an Alpha Diabetic is established. In other parts of the world, diabetics are generally left alone, not bothered by the government. This is another reason why America is great.

There are several types of diabetes but seeing as you aren't very intelligent (unless you have diabetes, in which case you are busy eating Nelson Mandela, or watching Deal or No Deal its like u can see through my eyes ), we are only going to tell you about two of them (that's the number after one). When mothers use drugs during their pregnancies, their children always get Type I. Type I can also be caused by the patient's pancreas being a pussy. Type II diabetes is caused by unprotected sex. This type of diabetes is highly communicable and contagious. It has also been established that unprotected sex, as well as other things, makes you fat.

Also, beware that sharing a bathroom with diabetic siblings is dangerous... You WILL get diabetes, and you WILL get it badly!

A type of type 2 diabetes is gestational diabetes. This is where pregnant women develop diabetes due to the unborn baby getting hungry and eating away at the pancreas (the insulin making bit). Children of women with gestational diabetes tend to be violent little shits who like to nibble other childrens ears. This is believed to be due to the unbalance of hormones throughout their early years

[edit] Effects on the Body

Diabetes has many comical effects on the body. Typically it causes a person to contract either Communititis, a feeling of agreement with Communism, or in rarer cases, Nationalsocialititus. It may also cause a nasty rash, diarrhea, and, in extreme cases, leprosy. Diabetics have four penises, which monitor bloodsugar. This disease is the number-one cause of the unfortunate disease of pedophiliosis, which involves a slow and painful process in which one eventually exactly resembles Michael Jackson. Diabetes can also cause people to foam at the mouth, threatening to eat anyone or anything in sight, until tranquilized with slightly less than the lethal level (Still not enough to bring down Chuck Norris). If tranquilizers are unavailable, consider yourself screwed, and just curl into the fetal position. The evil diabetic might just take sympathy, and only eat your leg, but of course, it'll have to add a 5 pound bag of sugar, because without sugar, diabetics become empty, soulless beings, sorta like zombies, but not really. Diabetics have also been known to give harder sex. This is due to their complete loss of feeling in the ding.

Image of diabetic shooting up heroin. Unrealistic, as no diabetic is muscular such as that.

[edit] Solution?

Obviously, diabetes is caused by unprotected sex. So, everyone should just stop having sex. Or everyone could just use a condom and wear a gasmask (to prevent from catching Type 2 from those infected) and diabetes will come to an end.
The only solution to the Type I diabetes epidemic in the world is to place them all on an asteroid, and blow it to hell. Bruce Willis knows how, and since he's done it a few times, it should be a piece of cake.

The tears of Chuck Norris can cure Diabetes. Too bad he never cries...EVER. one day im going to get him to cry on me