Dice
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Dice control the world. They are the preferred tools of God.
God's playing of dice is indirectly enforced through the important decision-makers who rely on rolling dice to determine their next course of action. Though it is publicly denied, it is generally recognized in political backrooms across the world that every significant political decision of the last 150 years have been determined by late-night dice-rolling sessions.
Until the 1960's, standard 6-sided dice were used for most important decisions. However, with the rise in popularity of the Dungeons and Dragons role-playing game, a larger variety of dice became involved in the political process, and have become a symbol of status and government power.
The United States of America, for instance, will not use any dice with fewer than 20 sides, unless the decisions are being made in Las Vegas at a casino or at the Pentagon. On the original Pentagon 5-sided die, traditionally used to choose which country the US will invade next, the five sides represent the five sides to every story in US history: our side, their side, the United Nations position, Al Jazeera's side and the truth.
Smaller countries are often forced to make do with 'lesser' dice; Uruguay, for instance, has been using the same 4-sided die since 1933. The preferred dice in deNile are pyramidal, modelled on those originally constructed in Egypt by Alfred Ponzi in 666 BC.
- "In Soviet Russia, dice roll YOU!!" — Anon.
- "I count back and roll the dice" - former Prime Minister Brian Mulroney, Meech Lake, Québec before rolling snake eyes.
- "Roll 'em!" - passengers of doomed 9/11 plane in Pennsyltucky, before attacking the cockpit door with an airline "Coffee, tea, or me?" cart.
- "Let's roll!" - various 9/11 knockoffs ever since
- "Einstein would roll over in his grave; not only does God play dice, the dice are loaded." - Al Gore
- "Clack-a-lack, roll that shit!" - Oscar Wilde
[edit] See also
 | Divinatory Arts and Artists |
| Antropomorphing | Astrology | Augury | Ball gazing | Clairvoyance | Dice | Fortune cookies | Magic 8-Ball | Monopoly | Necromancy | Negromancy | Nostradamus | Numerology | Palmistry | Phrenology | Precognition | Prophecy | Psychic | Scatomancy | Tarot | Telepathy | Wheel of Fortune |
