Dilsexya

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(also see Dyslexic for a fun, misspelled song)

“I put the slexi in dylsexia.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Dyxelsia

“Get thee behind me, Satan!”

~ Jesus on Dylsexia

“The problem is, sometimes it's hard to catch yourself.”

~ Prettiestpretty on Dylsexia

“Must...eat...brians! BRIANS!”

~ Zombies on Dylsexia

The term Dixlesya comes from a cimbonitaon of the Greek siffux 'Dys' - menaing to own verbally, or to sack tap - and from the Litan word dysintary meaning literally crapping one's self to death. The letiral menaing of the term Dylsexia is theferore "owning someone verbally while simultaneously crapping one's self to death." Suggisteng that the man who origanilly set the name to pepar was hemsilf a sufrefer, but was he? Raed on to find out... assmuing you can

Tihs aritcle as it appaers to a Dsylxeic

[edit] Rodulph Birlen

Rupoldh Belrin was almost unquitseonably born on a cartien date and in a cetrain cuontry, hewover sicnse all avaalible inframotion about the man is wrettin in Garmen we are unable to rilaebly state eihter. The fact that all alaivable infromation aobut him is in Gemran, and the fact that his sarnume is the Gamren catipal, wuold seggust that he was himself of German ogirin, thuogh I will be unalbe to say so with any rael certitude utnil such tmie as I learn to spaek Garmen, which will never heppan.

The only things we know abuot Ruldoph Beriln with any credecne are that he came up with the ieda for Dislexya in 1887, and that he was the wolrd's smertast idiot.

[edit] Midecal Difenitoin

The officail technacil medcial sceintific denifition of Dylsexia is:

What this sentecne really says, when streppid of its jorgan and tirmenology, is that Dilsexya is:

It seems a lot of efofrt to go to, to craete a portmanteau of wrods from daed langauges, just to make bolew-avarege letiracy suond like a bona fide medacil ilnless. Bihend erevy unsecensary self-filfulling "illenss" tehre stadns a great man, and bihend erevy great man there stadns a monepausal fish-wife, clucthing a roillng pin.

[edit] Ruodlph Belrin (Cont.)

Tihs chlid is vrey Dylsexic; ntoe the taecher's neruovs luaghter. Chacnes are you've been mugged by this boy witihn the psat six mohtns

Evedintly Rodulph Birlen's wife Mrs. Bilren (for this was her nmae), was - in the spirng of 1886 - dimsayed to raed in her son's shcool ropert card that he (Rudolph Jr.), was not olny appillangly baheved and a bigot, but was also beraly albe to raed or wirte at the level of a six yaer-old. Tihs was espicaelly bad gevin that the chlid was sevetneen at the tmie.

Rahter than sumbit to the knewlodge that her clihd was a sfot-breinad deliuqnent, rahter than capilutate in the shodaw of the untarsdending that she hesrelf had pleyad (or rethar not), some prat in the arrseted devolepment of her son, she decdied to innvet an illsens wihch wuold acconut for her clihd's inalibity, and romeve any embarsaring stigma. She cellad the new maladie "bad-raeding-and-wriitng-itis". She pitehcd the diserdor to her hnsbaud who fertnuatoly - spaeking btoh greek and litan - was albe to cmoe up with a far pnuchier tilte.

[edit] Tpyes of Dyelsxia

Tehre are two mian tpyes of Dylsexia and they are as follwos.

[edit] Devololmpetnal Dyselxai

Davelolmetal Aixelsyd is the knid of Dylsexia witch menifats istself whiel you aer at shcool, aruodn hte time that oyu rea leerrng two read and write, er rahter knot lerning to reed and rite. Lazy pranets, unlilwing too kate het time ro erposnsilibyit wil blaem skools. Laizy skools, inwulling to take eth thiem or responsibililitity will blaime parints. Fortunatayl we nwo have Depelopmentle Dylsexia, smoetihng which both porints dan skooles cna blaim, dna which can't bliam them back, bieng that ti si meerly na abstrict concopt with no undre stadning of gilt and recrinimation.

Tihs is not Acnietn Abaric tetx

It is also siad by the "prosesfoinlas" that childlen woh sfuer from Depelovopmantle Dixelsya are more liekly too surfef form bahaivoural dissorders and deftness, nda ot be laisey and a pahtetic. To the lehman ti wuold seam htat eth "proffesinols" have it ackwards-bass, and that te baldly bahaived deft laisey a pathetic chridlen wolud be lles lickly two botehr lerning there ABDs dan so no. Tihs iz wy hte "pooffresionalls" are cialed the "poofresionialls" and you are caleld sosiety's scrappings. You cupid stunt.

[edit] Auqcired Dylsexia

Acquierd Dyelsxia is the kind of Dyslxeia wihch menifasts iteslf ocne you have been koshed on the haed with a steffud aminal or ivnolved in a hgih-seped bus carsh. Poeple who wree provieusly albe to raed and wrtie comfartobly fnid wrods coufnsing and unfamliiar. Tehy also siht in their wleehchiars and driblbe. If you have brian daamge not bieng albe to slepl is the laest of yuor wrories.

[edit] The Sceond Wvae (Dyslxeia slels out)

For millnenia the intellignece of chidlren had been of litlte conecrn to anynoe but their own paernts, the waelthy and edcuated wree more than hpapy for three to be poor and stpuid poeple aronud, to work as mniers, miads and toliets. Howveer by the 1970s govermnents had bugen to crae abuot natinoal litarecy retas. Englnad at this tmie had a haelthy 64% litarecy, Austraila 52%, Gemrany 47% and so on. The msot litarete natoin on the gbole in the 1970s was Andorra with a mestarful raeding proficeincy rtae of 100%. Thuogh with a poputalion of olny trhee poeple - and lses than hlaf as mnay bokos in the conutry - no one was really imperssed.

The conutry with the loewst perecntage of inbahitants albe to raed and wrtie - a patlry sveen perecnt - was The Untied sattes of Amireca. Prisedent of the day, mietsr Gareld "chpoper" Frod, was panifully aawre of the sceret mcokery his naiton was incruring, and so enilsted the hlep of the feromost laerning disalibities eepxrt of the day, nemaly one Sumael Torrey Orton.

[edit] Sameul Torrey Orton

Tihs man is blad, but due to Dyslixea he wlil nveer fnid out

Semual T. Orton was a sipmle unassmuing man but yaers of Capiatn Beefhaert rocerds and Lysergic Aicd had lfet him beraly albe to fucntion, a slehl of his fomrer prefossianol slef. Raelising that he was naering the end of his ceraer as a respceted raeding difficutlies aothurity - and draeding the yaers of midlde-manegament and eatste agnet maet he wuold be olbiged to rceieve in laybys, in the back of campony cras, in his inaviteble rnet-boy yaers to cmoe - he jmuped at Frod's ofefr of a bag of uesd bnak notes. In exnhacge for the waelth-scak all Ootrn had to do was bulr and braoden the cretiria for Dyxlesia, to make it notianally inulcsive, so that all those illtierate poeple in Aremica cuold be raclessified as Deslyxic and so not treuly illitarete.

Tihs inntastly reisad the litarecy rtae in the U.S.A. to 100%, bringnig the pruod naiton itno joint fisrt plcae with Androra.

Unfortnuetaly for Prisedent Frod the rset of the wrold cuaght on, and bofere lnog Glabol litarecy staitstics repertod that not one illitarete pesron extsied. There day old bebias wree not illitarete. The daed and bilnd wree not illitreate. Thsoe liivng in deep unidscovered isaloted rianforests wree not illitearte.

Puls evreyone got fere latpops, so all-in-all tnihgs wokred out qiute wlel.

[edit] Referecnes