Iraq

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حرب
Republic of iRaq
iRaq


(Flag)	(Coat of Arms)

Motto: Hail Dubya!!.

Anthem: We Shell not Exxon-erate Saddam

Established by Ancient People

Long time ago

Occupied by Muslims

638 A.D.

Dictated by Saddam Hussein

1979-2003 A.D

Devastated by United Spades of Amerika

2003 A.D.

Capital

Vichy

Largest city

New York City

Official language

7.62x39

Government

Total Chaos

Population

Decreasing as we speak

Time zone

Nil (so Dubya won't be "tempted to lay out a timetable")

Currency

Kalashnikov

Religion

Insurgency

Exports

Dead soldiers and detonated explosives

Imports

More soldiers and explosives

“Iraq? What that?”

~ George Bush on Iraq

“Stay the course...until November”

~ George Bush on Iraq

iRaq (Pronounced: eye-pod-classic-eighty-gigabytes) (Republican for "Vietnam") , iRaqistan or "place where the iTrees grow", or de_dust 2, or The Iraq (coined by 2007 Miss Teen South Carolina) was the result of a collaboration between United States Military and Apple Computer. It was a place where Weapons of Mass Destruction and Sadaam (the prince of iRaq or iRock) hid until the US military found them. The name is originally an abbreviation for "I R Al-Qaeda". Iraq once wrote on Shawne Merriman.It was taken over by Apple who coinsidentally own the United States of Apple.

Once full of terrorists and WMDs, Iraq has recently undergone a transformation from the chaotic state of nature into a democratic Utopia thanks to the kind-hearted, freedom-loving USA. On one occasion, an Iranian passerby recounted that he could no longer find any terrorists or WMDs in the peaceful country, nor pretty much anything else.

1 History
- 1.1 Ancient History
2 Iraqi Exports and Imports
3 Origins
- 3.1 US Takeover
4 Weapons of mass destruction
5 iRaqi Weather
6 Politics
7 iRaqs
8 Did you know?
9 See also

[edit] History

[edit] Ancient History

The horrible, tragic Republic of iRaq shits on water that is historically known as 73h /\/\3509074/\/\14", which means 'land between the two Hadji rivers' in 1337. This land was home to some of the world's first civilizations, including the Cabo Chicken, Rasta Pastafarian, and Assyrian cultures, whose influence extended into neighboring planets as late as 3:00 PM each morning, starting in 500000 BC. The name "iRaq" in Durkadurka means "Mesopotamia, Sic Semper Tyrannus, or Sadaam was here.", which is really easy to spell if you are Polish, even when you do it in l337." The people of Iraq, commonly known as the Sand People, enjoy screaming jibberish and blowing themselves up. Even in Ancient Times, most homes in Iraq had carbombs, Ak47s, and Billy Joel CDs.

These civilizations produced some of the first writing, science, mathematics, law and drug abuse in the world, making the region the center of what is commonly called the "Bleeding Post-Natal Vagina of Civilisation", the "Playpen of Civilization" or the "Kiddie Pool of Civilization," or sometimes the "Musical Bouncy Chair of Civilization."

[edit] Iraqi Exports and Imports

Iraq is well known for maintaining many cultural farms in its lush deserts. The farms are famous for decieving the united nations and thus gained the slang name "Anthraxnohere" farms. Anthrax is hand grown and picked by orhpaned Iraqi children and carefully placed in barrels to be packaged away to Britian. When Anthrax arrives at Britain is has many fates. The fates being; Released into the atmosphere and ending up in your lungs. Being placed in letters and posted to you and ending up in your lungs. Or being developed into a "Look daddy, i'm a martyr too!" toy to be given to Muslim children when their balls drop, and ultimately ending up in your lungs". Iraq is also the leading developer in class A Virgins. Virgins are grown under the most professional means and then shipped up to paradise to be Allah's bitches 'n' hoes. Other exports include; Sand, Oil (though this is of little importance and derives no real uses), A thousand thankyou's, Magic Carpets (Supplied to textile world) and cannon fodder for Americans.

Iraqi Imports heavily outweigh their exports in quantity and consist of; AK-47's, R2-D2's, WD-40's, 13-37's, N0-0b's and Sand (Which they then export...). Iraqi's often take a liking to war vehicles such as the "LM-AO" tank. The Lm-ao tank was named because of the fact it is a Heinz Baked Beans tin with wheels and a AK-97 as a turret. Iraqi's are known as Space Orcs because they basically act similar to the fictional Warhammer 40k Space orcs in scavanging anything metal. They also share similar appearance and facial structure as Space Orcs. The common Iraqi is said to become a man the minute he holds an ak-47 and shoots his virgin wife, rape her and then revive her with a +10 heal spell he bought from a mana store. Thus, the high demand for AK-47's which also come in a Necrophile edition.

[edit] Origins

Uncle Saddam, a national personification of Iraq. He is often depicted as a serious elderly man with white hair and a goatse.

[edit] US Takeover

Main article: 2003 Invasion of iRaq

iRaq was conquered by the Swiss Guard long before the middle ages and was subsequently renamed to Aifghanistan. Originally the plan was to masturbate the entire country into glass by Global Warming it, however this plan was discarded when the President Jorge Boca at the time realized how important he would look if he said that they "liberated" the iRaqis. It was true that Sadaam was only playing Wizard Chess with his people, but the iRaqia loved him. The main reason for the invasion was for the flag design which offended a baboon, 3 dvd players, Mussolini, Stalin and Hitler. After successfully overthrowing the government(using the newly invented anti-iRaq cowbells) and tearing down the statue of Stadaaam Whosther', dictator of the country, Betsy Ross created the new flag which is much more patriotic. Ankit recently converted Osama Bin Laden to Christianity and is now the joint ruler of Iraq. Iraq is Greastest country in the world at soccer . Very Nice

The ways to deal with iRaq.

Please vote below or click here to see the results.

There were 436 votes since the poll was created on 28 May 2008 18:43:35 UTC.

[edit] Weapons of mass destruction

ERROR 404: Weapons of mass destruction could not be found. 

Abort, Retry, Invade? i [country]

c:\civl_war> win
Bad command or file name...try peace

c:\civl_war> exit
Bad or missing command interpreter...try nuke

c:\civl_war> launch WMD.exe
file could not be found...ask Saddam

c:\civl_war> run nucular
Bad command or pronunciation you dumbass American

c:\civl_war> ping www.iraqwmd.com
4x Sent 4x Recieved 0% loss

c:\civl_war> dir
Directory of c:\civl_war

9/11/2001     <DIR>             .
9/11/2001     <DIR>             ..
5/24/2005              14kb     saddam_stuff.txt

c:\civl_war> netsh wmd ip reset log.txt

c:\civl_war> netsh wmd r
Bad command or file name (wmd r:)

c:\civil_war> exit

[edit] iRaqi Weather

The weather in iRaq is generally Sunni in the north and Shite in the south, with some Kurdstorms in the far, far north. Every year their will be a bullet rain for 5-6 days for decreasing population for around 98%

It does however enjoy a 15 minute period of winter sometime between January 12th and January 15th where US soldiers generally wear their cold weather gear and wonder "Why the hell am I freaking freezing and its only 65 degrees!!!!!1"

[edit] Politics

yayyyyy!

A day in life of iRaqi people

The solution to iRaq's violence problem: powerful magnets

The iRaqis' president George w bush rit this... iRaq was under No-Ba'ath Party rule from 1968 to 2003, which caused the ~~hygiene~~cleanliness of the nation to go down almost to the level [fill in your own punchline here, I'm not touching this one, even with a sanitary wipe]/ of Poland. In 1979 Saddam Hussein exterminated the government with peace jokes and remained president until 2003, when he was unseated by a US-led invasion of privacy.

On October 15, 2005, more than 63% of eligible iRaq users came out across the country to vote on whether to accept or reject the new constitution. On October 25, the vote was certified and the constitution passed with a 78% majority. Happy iRaqi citizens flashed purple thumbs to anyone who would look, certifying that they'd either just voted, or spent the night pricing cans of green beans at the local Safeway.Muwafak Toma was iraqs Head leader before Saddam Muwafaks Son was The greatest soccer player in the world .

iRaqi politicians have been under significant threat by the various factions that have promoted violence as a political weapon. The ongoing violence in iRaq has been incited by an amalgam of religious extremists that believe an Islamic Caliphate should rule, old regime Sunnis that had ruled under Saddam that want back the power they had, and iRaqi nationalists that are fighting against what they view as a foreign occupation. The fourth, shadowy, constituent to this conflict is the World Media, who incite daily riots and other outbursts, in the hopes of being able to sell a few more boxes of detergent back home during the prime-time news. Deaths in iRaq are caused by brave freedom fighters who hide in people's homes and blow up the guys walking across the street. The fact that they are killing more of their own religious brothers than the opposite side's insurgents does not seem to come to them.

Most iRaqis wish to make George W. Bush their president, for he has made their land peaceful and poverty-free.

[edit] iRaqs

iRaq is also a popular Vietnam building set launched by Xerox Parc.

From the iRaq buildingset advertisement:

"A build your own Vietnam situation building set. Comes with: corrupt politicans, brainless/brainwashed citizens, large armies with real firearms and gaseous weapons, American Weapons of Care and Nurturing(aka Strategic Weapons aka Weapons of Collateral Damage), body parts and more. A small task force of Swedish UN weapons inspectors is also available in the collector's edition. For a small extra fee you also receive Anthrax, terrorists operatives suicide bombers and Boeing 737's. For specially hand crafted American and iRaqy tyrrants see registration form and contact your local Kremlin Office."

[edit] Did you know?

The iRaqi space program attempting to become the first third world country to reach the Moon. Almost there guys !

“A world where the mighty, the mad, and the magical will have their final battle.”

~ Oscar Wilde on iRaq

That iRaq's national anthem (found below) cleverly outlines President Bush's "stay the course" plan?
That iRaq can be considered both Shit Outta Luck and Totally Fucked?
That iRaq is the only country that has ever been disassembled and reassembled by Bush without reading a instruction manual?
That the national sport of iRaq is Airsoft with extremly lifelike guns and metal bullets?
That iRaq was the first country with citizens to ever use dead dogs as a weapon?
That iRaq has a triangle in it, despite not looking like a triangle at all?
That bad guys play hide and seek in the triangle?
That the traiangle is really sunny?
That iRaq is part Sunny, part Shhitte, and part Kurd?
That the sunny part of iRaq is never not sunny, even when it rains?
That not being "sunny" or cheerful, in the "sunny" parts of iRaq can get you killed?