Dinosaur

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A perfect example of a dinosaur.

“Look! A Meatasaurus Rex ”

~ George Bush on During a visit to the Phoenix Zoo on "Reptile Day"

“What a cute little birdie!”

~ John Conway on deinonychus, just before it slashed him to death

“I remember those guys. We used to party together.”

~ Dragon on Dinosaurs

“The quality of everything can be improved with dinosaurs.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Dinosaurs

Dinosaurs were the original owners of the planet Earth, but sold it on a whim to Earth's current inhabitants for a bag of magic beans. They later found out that the beans were worthless and would not grow a giant bean stalk which would lead to a giant, and this is why they are so angry to this day. Dinosaurs are often confused with ladybugs, a different breed of gigantic lizard. It is widely believed that dinosaurs came from Buckethead.

1 And God created man
2 Genetic structure
3 The religious view
4 The greatest Dinosaur that ever lived...
5 Famous dinosaurs
6 Dinosaurs today
- 6.1 Shocking Recent Discovery
7 Extinction of the Dinosaurs
8 Links to Jesus Christ
9 See also

[edit] And God created man

Ferretus Giganticus, the second most fearsome of all dinosaurs

A dinosaur mauls a passing aircraft

In the beginning, before man, the Garden of Eden ,the high and mighty Lord Gazza and hopscotch, God sat around in space idly twiddling his thumbs, and waiting for a call from the girl he'd met whilst out clubbing the night before. But that bitch never called, damn her. For unbeknownst to him, she was getting down wit' his cousin.. Glen.

However, he was growing impatient, and decided that he wasn't going to let women control his life. He went over to his desk and started drawing up plans for a race of beings so powerful, so handsome, so divine, that he might even have bowed down to them himself had he come before them. Unfortunately for dinousaurkind, God's bit on the side called at that very moment and he ran for the phone, spilling the hot cup of steaming coffee all over his sketches.

Thus, the dinousaur was born. Oh... and toaster streudels

[edit] Genetic structure

Dinosaurs are one of the most varied animals in terms of apperance. Ranging from 20 centilitres wide to 30 megametres tall, 1 dinousaur is practically unrecognisable from the next. The only cohesive features between breeds are their hind legs the size of ice-breakers and their bright green scrotal tusks, visible only during football season. The real truth about the dinosaur that they never want you to forget is that their sexual organs are always showing. Even though they try to hide these things with "scales", the females aint buying it, and thus the Lesbian orientation was born. Then the male dinosaurs had no one to satisfy their "urges", and thus Monopoly and Taboo was born.

Yeah... that sure is a dinosaur...

[edit] The religious view

St. Peter outwits the Giant Space Octopus (allegedly)

A bunch of gambling dinosaurs. Gambling is a sin, which is probably why dinosaurs are extinct... Or are they...?

Some ~~religious nutters~~ creationists are vehemently opposed to the notion that dinosaurs exist. They prefer to follow the teachings of the Bible, where the story of St. Peter battling the Giant Space Octopus, defeating him and creating humans from his remains is much more widely accepted. Even the world-famous dinosaur skeletons, discovered in the basement of the British Museum, have yet to convince the religious world otherwise.

Scientists and Priests are due to settle this debate once and for all with a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors in the Yankee Stadium at some time yet to be announced. Gates will open at 7:30. Tickets are $5 each. Bring your own beer.

If you kill one dinosaur, your home village (or tribe or suburb or commune) will declare you a hero, but if you kill too many, dirty hippies will come after you for driving an important species to extinction. The fact is that dinosaurs, no matter how terrifying they may be to humans, are part of the world's ecosystem as much as we are. The only difference is that they kill with big giant jaws or fire while humans kill with nukes and guns. and knives and swords and their own hands and water and candlesticks and rocks and power tools and heavy books and lethal injections and strangling and suffocation and hippopatomous' and.....

[edit] The greatest Dinosaur that ever lived...

A Kentosaurus on the hunt.

It is a well known fact that the greatest Dinosaur that ever existed was the all mighty Kentosaurus. The almighty Kentosaurus is though to have lived in the great country of Washington. The Kentosaurus had a brain the size of a walnut, and is thought to be made of marshmallows, and dead babies. Its diet consisted of test tubes, elements 1-31, and large candles, and weighed over 12 pounds. When Kentosaurus' one true love, Galileo Galilei, was killed, Kentosaurus went in to a rabbit-sucking rage. He began recruiting curious brooms to join his cause, and he and his army are thought to have sucked over 6,000,000 rabbits. He was eventually captured by the Government of Ireland, was forcefully reborn five times, and given 5 STDs. If interested on this subject search zaib.

[edit] Famous dinosaurs

[edit] Dinosaurs today

Dinosaurs are known followers of Nazi propoganda.

After selling Earth to the Martians, the dinosaurs demanded justice, and threatened to eat Earth's new owners. God convinced the Martians to give the dinosaurs New Jersey, but the dinosaurs were infuriated at the mere suggestion. God had no choice but to have all the dinosaurs tranquilised and sent to a remote island off the coast of Costa Rica, where he provided them with food, bedding and 35 miles of electified fence. God, being the natural showman that he is, decided to milk the island for all it was worth. He built a hotel on the island, and created man so that he could charge somebody an entrance fee. However, he lacked the foresight to see that the dinosaurs might escape.

God now faces a hefty jail sentence if convicted of the murder of 13 Chinese scientists.

[edit] Shocking Recent Discovery

[The apparently genuine letter below, from a senior official at the prestigious Smithsonian Institution in Washington DC, was sent to an enthusiastic, ingenious and persistent archaeologist who digs his back garden and sends any finds to the Smithsonian with his own ideas of what they are and complete with his own scientific labels.]

Dear Mr Williams

Thank you for your latest submission to the Institution, labeled "93211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post ... Hominid skull".

We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago. Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety that one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be "Malibu Barbie".

It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loath to come to contradiction with your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to its modern origin:

1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilized bone.

2. Cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.

3. The dentition pattern evident on the skull is more consistent with the teeth-marks of the common domesticated dog than it is with the ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time. This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it.

Without going into too much detail, let us say that:

A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.

B. Clams don't have teeth.

It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon-dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation and partly due to carbon-dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon-dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results.

Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name Australopithecus spiff-arino. Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated and didn't really sound like it might be Latin. However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a Hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly.

You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your Newport backyard. We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the "trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix" that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus Rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.

Yours in Science Harvey Rowe Chief Curator – Antiquities

[edit] Extinction of the Dinosaurs

In 1938 beloved childrens entertainer and the Anti-christ Adolf Hitler, uncovered Jesus' time machine and traveled back to the time of the Dinosaurs. He claimed he was trying to protect the purity of German blood so he had hot steamy dinosex with a, although unknown to Hilter at the time (or so he claims)male T-Rex, hoping to mix his obviously perfect "essence" making a race of Nazisaurs! The dinosaurs were all but wiped out a few hours later. (see main article AIDS).