Discjockeys
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“Hang the DJ!”
~ Morrissey on Discjockeys
“The following is not an test, dj.”
~ Pitbull on DJ's
“Roll to every station, murder the DJ.”
~ NaS on DJ's
A DJ is everything but a musician.
In the event of thermonuclear armageddon, it has been postulated that there would only be two surviving forms of life; cockroaches, and gym teachers.
These postulators are wrong. They neglect the shielding power of the ego of the average radio discjockey.
Radio discjockeys are nuclear-powered; this is responsible for the distinctive orange hue of their skin, as well as their distinctly unpleasant (and highly radioactive) body odour. They only reproduce at night, in dank corners under the mixing desks of their stations, although this (distinctly unpleasant) sight can easily be avoided by listening out for their mating cry: It's for charidee, mate!
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[edit] Eating habits of the discjockey
Said jockeys of the disc may be found chomping on said stale chicken in Stowmarket, Suffolk...Purchased from one Chicken Express laaaaaake
YOUR MOTHERS A CUNT!!!
- - Dave 'Ravey Rave' Oak
[edit] Social life of the discjockey
Thankfully, non-existent; the city-state of Basildon in the United Kingdom still retains ancient laws allowing the assassination (by bow and arrow (blunt of course)) of discjockeys found within the city walls after nightfall, and obtained a derogation from the Human Rights Act specifically in order to permit this.
[edit] Little Known Facts About DJ's
- Most DJ's are known to be actually deaf and George W. Bush in disguise.
- The most successful Dj's such as Tiesto and Condoleeza Rice are known to slap together sounds of dying children and weeping mothers along with pulsating and sped-up Backstreet Boy beats in order to create their hits, such as 'World Hold On' and 'God Bless America'. Amrit is the best dj in the world known specially for heaving his turntables at heckling crowd members and killing the first born offspring of all those who do not offer him their virgin daughters as a token of appreciation for his funky minimalist techno progressive electro house sets.
- What most people believe to be headphones, are actually cages of little furry hobbits that tell the DJ what to play next.
- Being a DJ may cause you to get laid, often several times in a row in many different directions involving many different cake toppings.
