Dish Monster

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[edit] Dish Monster Dishus Monsterus Rexus

The Dish Monster is a creature that lives in apartments across the world. These insidious creatures consume living-mates food, and shit dishes in to the sink, pissing off everyone in the apartment. They are believed to be related to the Loch Ness Monster, as well as dinosaurs and the Chupacabra.

[edit] Physiology

Dish Monsters are generally 6 meters in length, and measure about half a meter in diameter. They contain many sharp teeth, as well as red eyes and spikes (leading some to believe a relation to Gozilla). They are little more than a walking digestive tract. No one is quite sure how they reproduce - though some researches have hypothesized that they phase-shift to Alpha Centauri, where an entire culture of Dish Monsters exists and now watches our television shows.

[edit] History

The first sighting of a Dish Monster dates back to 17613 BC, when the pirate Bloody-Beard was sailing his ship across the American Ocean (where the continent of America now resides). He is quoted as saying: "Fuck, that thing is h-" before the slitherly beast consumed his entire ship and crew, and promptly shat a gigantic dish (which became the bedrock that the city of Detroit rests upon).

It was many years before another dish monster was seen. A giant Dish Monster measuring 666 meters long appeared in Jerusalem in 0 BC. The people of Jerusalem called upon a Savior to rid them of this terror, and Jesus rose up and shot his Rainbow Rays at it which melted its face. (There is some speculation that this may have been the original monster that Bloody-Beard encountered.) Though the Catholic Church has repressed the tale, the entire account is recorded in the book of Larry, the fifth gospel with another account of Christ's life.

In 1776, the Army of the Potomac faced off against a Dish Monster of unparralled size. General Washington noted in his journal: "...the infernal creature dropped out of the sky like some horrid meteorite, and fell upon our troops with zeal." It was only with the help of the ninja masters that guard earth from Antarctica that the Americans were able to push back the beast, and Washington was finally able to vaporize it using his power ring.

Scattered sightings populate the literature throughout the next 200 years, but nothing of note.

Dish monsters have been resposible for many, many deaths. the following were all victimes of a dish monsters wrath: Adam Sandler Jack Black Your mum President Bush King Kong Sauron the lord of the dance Ronald Macdonald And many, many more. i think its only right for us to dedicate a song to all these kinda great people:

Do ya bullocks hang low, Do they wobble to and throw, Can ya tie 'em in a knot, Can ya tie 'em in a bow, Can ya hang em over ya shoulder like a constepated soldier. Do ya bullocks hang low?

beware the dreaded dish monster.

[edit] Modern Day

It is unclear why Dish Monsters no longer reach the enormous lengths they previously have in the past, though some believe it may have to do with environmental pressures, such as overplayed shitty indie rock and whiney hippies. If you ever encounter a Dish Monster, be very careful - they are always hungry, and will eat almost anything.