Money

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

(Redirected from Dollars)
Jump to: navigation, search

Thi$ arti¢£€ ₩a$ ₩ritt€n b¥ a ¢apita£i$t.

You may read it for free during a 2 hour trial period.
Afterwards, it will crash unless you give us your credit card number.
Save money! Sign up now for only $49.99!!!
(first three months)


“In the Free World, I own the template!!”

Currency usually comes in convenient denominations, such as the dong, also known as the wang or in america as the dick
Currency usually comes in convenient denominations, such as the dong, also known as the wang or in america as the dick
This Scottish currency is valid only for Internet transactions
This Scottish currency is valid only for Internet transactions

“$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$”

~ Loogan Herr on Money

“Oi you, shut your mouth and look at my wad!”

~ Loadsamoney on Money

“A fool and his money soon go separate ways”

~ Walmart on Money

“It's used to buy things”

~ Captain Obvious on Money

“It belongs to me and only me. Give me your money NOW!!”

~ Captain Selfish on Money

“Monaaaay!”

~ David Gilmour on Money

“The one thing money can't buy...MONEY”

~ Bill Gates on what he can't buy

“If money is the root to all evil, why do we have to get jobs?”

~ Albert Einstein on Money

“I wish I didn't have so many homeless people and wasn't so in debt.”

~ America on Money

“Munymunymunymunymuuuuuuuunay......MUNAY!!!!”

~ Donald Trump on Money

“Make money, make more money...”

~ L. Ron Hubbard on Money

“I get money, I get it”

~ 50 Cent on lies
Money laundering
Money laundering
Money (Hebrew:כסף - "Paper Erectus") is an age old species of capitalism, or, more specifically, Moola. It was once widespread across the all the world, or, more specifically, The Great Empire of America. Unfortunately, the population of Homo Greedus, its scientific name, began it's ravenous appetite and foraging of money in 2001. The presidency of George Dubya Bush spelled the end for of money for every one else, but the now dominant species of "Home Greedus" now in packs called "Corporations".

"Corporations" soon spelled the end of money for the once affluent "Americanus Lardarseous".

During its glory days, it was the universal law of the universe only understood by capitalist pigs, by which buildings can be erected, food can be consumed, and nubile young females can be lured into dens of sin. Money is the chief currency of just about everywhere. Advanced mathematics are required to understand it, but even an amateur can enjoy it.

They say the love of "money" is the root of all evil today. But if you ask for a rise (sic), it will be no surprise that they’re giving none away.

Money has also been known to work as an aphrodisiac.

The love of money is seen as a form of mental retardation. By hippies, that is. And nobody cares what hippies think. Except another hippie.

Contents

[edit] The Legend of Money

Money is a form of imaginary submission-bark. Built of bark and worth more than bark. Experts are all deeply retarded upon the subject, since most of them are flaming homosexuals. Still most agree that it all started out with a bunch of clay lovers, and in the beginning actually had nothing to do with bark. These mysterious floating heads, according to experts, all suffered from Obsessive-compulsive disorder, which compulsed them towards cannibalism, suicidal thoughts, and lots and lots of o.

“Those were some messed up floating heads..”

~ Oscar Wilde

[edit] Importance

Cash is important and it controls the way people act and how greedy and selfish they are. So remember cash rules everything around us. So go and get that money. Because if you don't will be so unhappy u will cry. and then us people that have cash will point and laugh and then direct you to a nice cliff that you will then be tempted to jump off.

[edit] Facts on Money

Some people claimed that "hidden" messages on the twenty dollar "bill" foreshadowed the 9/11 attacks. This theory is false.
Some people claimed that "hidden" messages on the twenty dollar "bill" foreshadowed the 9/11 attacks. This theory is false.

Money is a Coerced Religion; people either believe that it has value, or they are forcefully divested of all their possessions and status and turned out to wander the streets, homeless and alone, hopefully to die a quick and merciful death.

Money does'nt play
Money does'nt play

Believers in money are deeply religious — they serve their money-god with all of their effort and strength, and often sacrifice the majority of their life as an offering to gain its approval. They believe that this will bring them pleasure and happiness in the afterlife, and more attractive to the opposite sex, or whatever sex it is they want to be attractive to. Their faith is absolute, and they believe that there is nothing money can't do.

Money comes in three forms - paper, plastic, and copper- or silver-painted depleted uranium. Paper money is also highly radioactive paper (to protect against counterfeits), and thus are usually green, purple, or neon pink in color. Notes explode when torn in half, and because of this potential hazard, it is against the law to deface currency.

"Metal" money (again, either disguised depleted uranium or, sometimes, chocolate) has lost favor among the civilized populace, as you would know if you ever tried to stuff a two-euro coin in a sweaty stripper's thong. Doesn't work.

Plastic money is poisonous, but has been coated with an antidote so that you only die if you stop using it.

Some people got to have it. Some people really need it.

Money was originally a form a food. although, it is very nutritous it is not tasty. economists have estimated that by next year the US will be using Broccoli as currency

[edit] Big Money

Vast wealth, or "big money," is bigger than normal money. Big money allows the purchase of truly great consumer items, such as a yacht, a Cadillac, or a Sword +5. Big Money requires no skill to wield. Or intelligence. Or integrity. Or value as a human being. Big Money is sufficient unto itself. The Romans referred to money as 'Pecvnia', meaning vndeniable corrvpter of the vvorld.

[edit] Things you can Buy with Money

The currency George Lucas proposed after becoming rich.
The currency George Lucas proposed after becoming rich.

[edit] Things you can not buy with Money

  • A Dinosaur
  • Happiness (Unless...)
  • More Waffle Factories
  • Humor
  • Everlasting Acid Trip with Alice in Wonderland
  • Anti-Money
  • Love
  • Friends
  • Russia?
  • Your mum
  • Me
  • Anti-Falcon Group

[edit] Money as Food

Money can be eaten. It is full of Calcium and carbohydrates as well as having little fat (useful for people on a diet). It is eaten by ripping it up and swallowing it. After that, the money comes straight out the other end because it can be digested so easily. Money can be purchased in all reputable restaurants. Lots of people enjoy eating money; it is very yummy and tastes better than candy!

[edit] Money as a Drug

Many of America's teens have reportedly started using money to get high. This movement has been rapidly growing in popularity throughout the country, so much so that they call it "Hilton Head Heroin" on the street. Money users typically snort pennies or dimes, although some of the more ambitious ones have been known to snort nickels or even quarters. Pennies can also be used as a suppository. One man snorted an entire block of gold, although he was hospitalized for several months and his mind was permanently damaged. The most popular method of getting high off money is tearing up dollar bills and snorting them. Also, if they are baked in an oven and mixed with vaseline, they reportedly have an even greater effect on the mind and the body. Most users of money are addicted instantly.

[edit] Money by Pink Floyd

A psychadelicacy made under the influence of various drugs, including LSD, Cannabis and of course Cheap Beer.


[edit] The Five Dollar Bill

  • 1824: Just as the $1 bill had the picture of the first president, the first $5 actually contained a photo of James Monroe - the 5th U.S. president. The treasury printed it and put it into circulation. The public was so disturbed by his awkward hair that the bills were withdrawn circulation. Eventually, they put Abraham Lincoln's picture on the bill so that people would remember what pennies look like.

[edit] Types of Currency

Canada makes the mistake of including more than one beaver on its currency.
Canada makes the mistake of including more than one beaver on its currency.

[edit] See also

Retrieved from "http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Money"
Personal tools
projects
Stillwaterschronarion.org