Dom Tower

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Built by Dom (a.k.a; long john the impaler) in 1560, The Dom Tower is a remarkable feature to be encountered in the Dutch village of Utrecht. There are several grave disputes about its size, function and name.

To start out with the latter: dom is Dutch for "stupid". This should allow no further debates about the meaning of its name. However, a few people tried to mask this fact by suggesting dom would stand for Domus Dei, "God's home". However, no such divinity was ever encounted in the tower, nor was it in the nearby church.

There are several sources that claim different sizes, but most of them estimate its height somewhere between 10 and 1,000 metres. A few researches, notably those from Madurodam, suggested more modest heights.

The Dom Tower's function is obscure. One thing, however, seems certain: It must serve or have served as a phallic symbol in the subconsciousness of both the architect, the craftsmen that built it and the inhabitants of Utrecht, particularly the students. On the other hand, it seems very improbable that this was its only aim, as, on close inspection, the Dom Tower does not entirely resemble a phallus. It might be a historical flat building, a thing which has yet to be proved, maybe by future research. A suggestion that it is a historical beacon is questionable: no old maps show the proximity of a sea near Utrecht (they might all have been forged, however, or the Dom Tower might be prehistorical, dating from late Pleistocene). Recently it was put that the Dom Tower is a satanist sanctuary. Evidence for this theory includes the fact that you are not allowed to ascend the tower on your own opportunity, but only under supervision of the VVV sect (now 3VO), and that the tower, formerly connected with the Dom Church, has been detached since 1674 - obviously the calvinist church did not want to have anything to do with it, and they went as far as to break down the two arches that were closest to the tower.

The Dom Tower is almost certainly a brothel, a school, an incinerator or the former residence of George Walker Bush.