Dormanstown

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“Wow, this town is knee deep in dog shit. I love it!!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Dormanstown

“"ITS OVER 9000!"”

~ Vegeta on approximately how many budding chavlets the average Dormo native will give birth to before the age of twenty-one

Dormanstown is a small town in England. It attracts the most tourists per year in the whole of England, topping almost 23 people from the Death Star last year. However, it was later revealed that they had misread a road sign and were intending to spend their holidays in Dormansville which was just down the road.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Dormanstown.

[edit] Early History

Dormanstown was first created by an utterly evil Roman slave-driver called Dormus. Here, he made his fortune by organizing the crap mining industry. The surroundings at that time were rich in crap and Romans believed that the crap would provide them with eternal life if they drank it. There were over 3,000 slaves in the region who were forced to live in hideous tumble-down houses at the foot of the hill. Each house was less than five feet wide and housed up to 25 slaves.

[edit] Rebellions

Dormanstown had numerous rebellions during Roman times, most of which were crushed by Dormus' royal crap guards who exectuted all of the slaves.

[edit] Demise of crap mining

Eventually, the Dormo Hills got turned completely hollow by overmining and collapsed in on themselves. Several pieces of debris fell onto the roof of Dormus' palace and he died n utterly agonizing death by being pinned between a piece of rubble and his chode.

[edit] Now

These days, Dormanstown is a shitpit five miles wide, with only two dog bins. Every square inch of wall is covered with at least two inches of graffiti. Houses are not much better than they were in Roman times. There are no police within a twenty mile radius of Dormanstown.

[edit] Culture and Geography

Dormanstown is completely isolated from the rest of the world. Everyone is a chav in Dormanstown. In the East side of the town there are several gallows meant for hanging emos and prostitutes that did not bang everyone at least twenty times a night.

Every weekend there is a hunt for anyone who dares to breach the Dormocode. There are three rules to this code

1: You must be a chav

2: You must start every sentence with "OI!" and finish every sentence with "Dickhead!".

3: You must carry a baseball bat with you at all times.

Anyone who is found breaching the Dormocode is executed.

[edit] Institute for Formal Rearing of Budding Chavlets

At the South West end of the town is the Institute for Formal Rearing of Budding Chavlets. This is a school rears chavlets from age four to age 16. Subjects include:

Vandalism Theory

Vandalism Practical

Swearing Theory

Graffiti Art

Close Combat with a Baseball Bat

Emo recognition and hunting

Professional emo execution

Happy Slapping

In the last three years of schooling, pupils undergo coursework to pass the three mainstream chav tests.

ASBO Grade 1

ASBO Grade 2

ASBO Grade 3

This is what you look like after graduating the three ASBO courses.

Chavs may then consider taking on the thoughest set of exams:

CRASBO Grade 1

CRASBO Grade 2

CRASBO Grade 3

This is what you look like after passing the CRASBO courses

The last exam for utterly hardened superchavs is in the form of a gruelling two year course:

CRASBO ELITE

So far, only one person has qualified with CRASBO ELITE: This man

[edit] Economy

The economy for the town is mainly from tourists who lost their way and managed to stray into the hellhole that is Dormanstown.

Even the fake signs warning of impending doom did not deter the fools from crossing the border into ~~Hell~~ ~~Mexico~~ Dormanstown. Notice that the landscape looks quite inviting; but don't be fooled. Those hills in the background are the crap hills. On the other side is yours truly, typing this article. They don't know it, but ... I'M NOT ACTUALLY A CHAV!! Seriously, I need to be airlifted out of here. The chavs don't know that I'm here typing this; they can't fucking afford an ISP, but they're onto me ... OMFG they're here!! They're taking me awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

The objective is to beat the living shit out of the dumbass and take all of their monies. Humanitarian groups have taken pity on the ~~scum~~ ~~chavs~~ helpless citizens trapped in the town, and have now begun to drop sacks of monies into the town so that community trade can commence. What these tree huggers don't realize is that chavs are not in fact humans, but a voracious separate species, created through humans mating with grues before recorded history, when humans were on friendly terms with grues, followed by millennia

This is what gets dropped into the middle of the town in order for the scum to commence their trade.

of inbreeding.

When a sack of monies is dropped onto the village green, the chavs rush over it like when you drop a sack full of human flesh into a lion's den. There is a pecking order however, as the Alpha Chav takes a full 20% of the loot, followed by the female Beta Chav taking 10% of the monies. The Alpha Chav will blow his monies on cheap, turn-green-when-it-rains gold jewellry. The Beta Chav will purchase crap ringtones for her cameraphone, crap accessories and make-up for her body, and crap ripped jeans for her Really, really sexy legs.

The 20 teachers at the school will each take 2% of the cash, with the proletariats sharing the remaining 30% of the monies between them, which is why they wear stuff as if they're homeless (which they practically are, I mean, how could you call this a home?!)