Douche

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This article is BS.
Quit fucking around and please
add some actual "content" to it.

"In our lives, we always have to vote for either a douche or a turd..."

~ Stan Marsh on Voting

No explanation needed.

A douche is the kind of person who will tell you that what you're doing is wrong, but will usually turn around and do that thing. They'll also give you no alternative to what you were doing, nor will they tell you why you're not supposed to do that. They're much like a doctor. They have both gone through years of training, except a doctor probably has a much better reason to put something inside your ass. A douche will also tend to press a button which plays an electronic applause (Or get their butler to do it), when he/she enters the room.

A douchebag normally will have a better story than you do when you are chatting with friends, you've 'climbed Mt Everest' you'll boast, he's climbed it twice and he was wearing white tube socks and listening to Justin Timberlake on their 1.21gigawatt Ipod. Physically they can look like us, walk and sometimes talk like us but they have bodily flaws that will give them away such as over sized foreheads, sometimes referred to as a 'fivehead' or one shoulder considerably lower than the other so that they walk like a gimp. Some will even be overweight, and have a tubby belly that is perfectly round, almost like a silicone implant - wholly unnatural and very obvious. This usually forms through a lack of ability to hold a job for any given length of time. Once people realize that said person is in fact a douche, they are fired instantly.

Also, look up 'douche' in the dictionary, and it will most likely have their picture next to it.

Yellow toothed british douche. Feel free to donate a toothbrush

A douche in his normal state of dress.

[edit] How to Deal with a Douche

Sometimes, you can just tell.

Everyone's favorite douche.

Typically, the douche will usually have a gay look and very very cheap clothes bought at Wal-Mart. They'll usually have a lot more common sense than a monkey or the people who make monkeys off what they think is a dildo. Usually, they'll play music and have a concert, which will all be to raise "awareness" for what they want to stop. Usually, raising awareness raises a lot of pesky money, which they'll dispose of for you, because they are nice people. They only want to help. If you're dealing with a douche, it is recommend you have at least three other people to assist you in the safe removal.

So, you have a douche on your hands. How do you stop them?

First, become aware of their daily schedules. This will usually begin with getting up and stretching their arms as they crawl over their pile of money at around 11 in morning. They'll usually have a penthouse, or other high location, by which they can view all they will destroy. The rent on such a unit will be at least $1,000 nightly, but usually much higher.

Next, they'll proceed to brush their over sized, perfectly aligned teeth with a mixture of pureed $50s and virgin blood.

This will usually follow with breakfast off of the room service menu, likely eggs benedict (ironically enough) with peameal bacon. Vegetarian douches will usually order the soufflé. From this, they will leave to their first location of brainwashing, which includes screaming fans (caused by a cascade failure of logic) and music played at several hundred decibels, which disorient and confuse those unbrainwashed members of the crowd.

Now, if you're still reading, you're likely at this stage. You'll be in that audience. Here's a quick checklist:

Don't believe their lies. Everything they say is engineered in a form of doublespeak.
They'll usually have a crowd of screaming fans, who will distract you from the ridiculous statements. Earplugs are recommended.
Any method by which you can reduce your mental alertness is recommended. Considering you are in such a crowd, this state may come naturally.

Now that you know how they operate, let's go over how to get rid of them. You'll need several items:

A rifle or another high-power firearm.
An elastic band.
A plastic drinking straw.
A paper clip.
Twenty feet of rope rated at 1000 kilograms minimum.
A pickup truck or SUV.
A psychiatrist, that's right Tom "Fucktard" Cruise!

Typically, any publicity event will occur in a crowded street. Use the confusion to your advantage. Claim a vantage point that will place you slightly below the average height of the crowd. Such a point may be made on massively obese fans (which you may claim to be the Siamese twin of, should you be discovered) or in Donald Trump's hairpiece, should he be readily available. With your rifle, you will have one shot to hit the demon in sunglasses. This is key: the sunglasses are the source of their power. Without them, they are powerless and vulnerable to attack.

With the sunglasses out of the way, you should now assemble the elastic band, the plastic drinking straw and the paper clip into a rudimentary grappling hook. Tie this to the end of your rope and swing across the crowd to your target. Once the target has been tied in the remaining rope, reattach your hook to the truck and drag them ten kilometers or until lightly browned. Douches may develop tans as a natural defense mechanism against such attacks. Continuing dragging until blackened, and add seasoning. Other douches that should be on the list below: The entire cast of High School Musical and High School Musical 2

[edit] Common Douches

A pair of douches, live at the San Diego Zoo.

Americans - will always act a lot smarter and better because they believe in George W. Bush(who is the second biggest douche in the world
George W. Bush and his lover Tom Cruise - Biggest douche couple in existence

DOuches