Doug
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
| NOT SAFE FOR WORK!! |
| The article you are looking at may not be work safe! | |
| If a boss or coworker saw this article, claim that it was spam and blame the IT guys. Otherwise, continue to read it until your lewd urges are satisfied. |
Note: Pages with this template are added to Category:Not safe for work.
Did you mean: Dung 
Google on Doug
Doug is a television show that aired from 1990-1987, and focused on family values like "racism", and generally focused on the main characters attempts to avoid "coloured" people, who, in this show, actually were coloured. No seriously, they were fucking blue and purple and shit. Also dealt with social issues like nymphomania and David Byrne. HONK HONK!
Contents |
[edit] Characters
[edit] Doug Fukkie
A sensitive, quiet, quasi-emo boy who likes to write in his diary and sometimes imagines himself as a superhero who wears his underwear on the outside of his pants and various other erotic daydreams. He is the main focus of the show which is pretty lame because he is the most boring character. He is the only white person in the town of Bluffington because the town is prejudice against whites. He can usually be found eating with Skeeter at the Honkie Burger which is owned by Neo-Nazis and rednecks. HONK HONK! Doug has longed to taste Patty's huge twat but, much to his chagrin, all of da slash toony fanfucks scream that he would rather have Skeeter mount him, leading to an added strain on possibilities of the relationship in the form of frustration hemmorhages. His arch enemy is Roger Klitz. After Roger fucked Porkshit to death they stopped talking and Doug vowed revenge on Roger. This eventually led to Klitz being brutally penetrated in the ass by fellow freak Chalky Studabaker, who used an old wooden bat with the precision of an average mountain troll. Doug had hired Chalky to ruin Roger's anal cavity so he could never take enjoyment out of pumping out bullshit to the citizens of Bluffington again. HONK HONK!
[edit] Mosquito "Skeeter" Vagina
Skeeter Vagina also knows as Skeeter "Cool Guy" Vagina and Skeeter "Skeet Skeet" Vagina is Doug's best friend/partner in crime. He garnered his nickname of "Skeet Skeet" due to his pechant for cum shots in the various porno films he has starred in, the biggest of which was "Clitoral Barrage Vol. 9, Day of das Skeet". He is mainly known for the volume of jizz he can produce, slightly less than a Peter North eight roper. HONK! HONK! Skeeter is black, and has bright teal blue skin that actually is a result of years of radiation exposure. Sometimes makes erratic or erotic honking sounds at random, (ex. HONK! HONK!) due to his Tourrett's Syndrome. His penis is rumored to be somewhere between 6 and 13 inches long, according to the various women he has fucked. HONK! HONK!
[edit] Patty Masturbate
The "babe" of the show, despite her dyke hairstyle and complete lack of breasts. Next to Roger she is the biggest piece of white trash in the town of Bluffington as shown in her heavy southern accent. Her dark bronze skin is the result of over tanning and she has a severe case of melonoma. Her lack of breasts and surprising physcial strength is the result of various steroids such as THC and HGH. In 1995 she was named Little Miss Universe Steroids Bodybuilder by the people of Bluffington and everyone wanted to tap her ass. Doug ended up fucking her but complications followed in their relationship afterward, which was started with her biting down during oral. Doug was pissed. HONK HONK! She is also known for her extremely large beaver.
[edit] Roger Klitz
The schoolyard bully, pimp, gigaolo, hustler, nymphomaniac, megalomaniac, and drug kingpin of Bluffington. His green skin is a result of his mother's easiness, leading to speculation that he is a sickly mix of all the races on earth. HONK HONK! Roger is rumored to have the largest penis in all of Bluffington with some sources citing it as big as 15 inches and as small as 3 inches (flaccid). He is easily the biggest sex pervert in the town with sexual intercourse taking up roughly 90% of his day. He is mainly known for his appearance in pornography alongside Connie Bang. In fact their first appearance together was in the magazine Green Skin Digest in 1994 when both of them were only 14. They were featured along with Ace from the Gangrene Gang. Perhaps the most infamous photo from the shoot shows Roger mounting Connie and pushing his 14 inch cock all the way through her minge, until it actually started to come out of her mouth. Because of his insatiable sexual appatite, Roger has had more than one run in with the law. In early 2001, Klitz was found guilty of agrravated assault charges brought on by PETA after he taped himself having a menage a trois with his cat Stinky and Doug's dog Porkshit. Porkshit's colon was pirforated by Klitz's massive 3 inch chode and subsequently died as a result. Klitz was released pending a $15 fine and an Alcoholics Anonomyous class. HONK HONK! Doug has swore revenge on Klitz on behalf of Porkshit. HONK HONK!
[edit] Judy Fukkie
Doug's older emo sister. Easily one of the most controversial characters on the show who has been known to have seances, drink the blood of virgins, and pay retail for quality goods. Also pees with the seat up. HONK HONK! Sometimes described as a hipster from her snazzy sunglasses and beret, she also smokes cigarettes, curses in French, has sex with kittens, and young boys. HONK HONK! Attends Moody High, a place for "gifted" students. It is actually a shitty liberal arts college where she learns the ways of the Democrats that makes her such a bitch. It is also a little known fact that she murdered her parents Philly and Twat Fukkie in the second episode. HONK HONK!
List of people Judy fornicated with:
- Roger
- Porkshit
- Stinky
- Skeeter
- The Mayor
- Mr. Dick
- Everyone at Moody High
[edit] Porkshit
Doug's dog and "faithful" companion. He drags his ass on Doug's bedsheets. HONK HONK! He will occasionally lick Doug's sack if Doug is on a cold streak with the ladies, which is almost always. He was killed when Roger's cock pirforated his colon. Doug then fucked Porkshit's corpse before he buried it. This was edited out of the American version but was completely uncensored in the Canadian cut.
[edit] Assistant Principal Boner
Slipped past Canadian censors, who generally just don't care, but was caught by the ever fickle American censors, who changed it to "Bone" instead. Despite their honest intentions, the name remained hilarious to stoners and horny teens alike. HONK HONK! He is a strict disciplinarian in both versions, but in the Canadian versions he was known to skull fuck the shit out of misbehaving students and then unload all over their face with a huge load.
[edit] Mr. Dick
Doug's crazy sex offender next door neighbor. Consistantly pops over to show Doug his crazy gadgets he buys due to their usefulness in kidnapping little girls that are supposed to do the abducting for him, but instead finds that the most effective way they work is to instead bludgeon the girl over the head with them and rape her before she regains consciousness. He encourages the American way of buying expensive contraptions that'll do the work for you. HONK HONK! Mr. Dick has a great love for anything "very expensive" no matter what it may be. He's amassed a great collection of expensive objects ranging from security systems for his shed. One of his favorite items in his collection that he purchased in recent years is a solid 24 karat gold dildo which he uses on himself. He also has a great love for the exquisite dish known only as "pot roast".
[edit] BeeBe Bluff
The town slut, BeeBe Bluff was the rich bitch of the group. She was the school cum dumpster in elementary school and has a high pitched whiney voice due to all the wang that was rammed down her throat during those years. BeeBe was known to throw extravagant rave parties at her mansion in which she would consume too much alcohol, pop gratuitous amounts of exstasy, and let various guys gangbang her. Her sex orgies became legendary, yet somehow, her frequent fuckbuddy Skeeter was able to convince her to focus only on him in their adulthood, and soon they got hitched. Yet, the number of fuckings have increased, despite there only being two of them (with an occasional threesome or foursome).
[edit] Chalky Studabaker
The "jock" of the group, Chalky is the most physically "gifted" of the gang and by gifted it is implied that he is possibly the craziest of them all. It all started in elementary school when his father pushed him to be an All-American prodigy in sports. Chalky became so caught up with sports he had little or no time for a social life which led to him not knowing how to talk to girls. Later on, when puberty finally kicked in, Chalky found his social life and love life to be quite bitterly hollow, due to his afformentioned lack of knowledge of the common high school biatch. Soon, the full realization of the meaningless existence as a dateless, virgin jock that his father had led him to become snapped the poor shit's mind like uncooked spaghetti. He soon began to take up such habits as: ranting about his father issues on his LiveJournal, weeping whilst masturbating in public restroom stalls, and committing various hate crimes through violent use of sports equipment. Soon, he was hired by Doug to carry out an act of vengeance against Roger--who had recently killed Porkshit by rape--, with specifications that only someone as apeshit as Chalky could do without second thought. Little was heard of him after the act, in which he decemated Roger's ass with a wood bludgeon. Some suspected that he was behind the hanging of his father afterwards, but most investigative journalists and police forces are either too scared of him to delve into the matter further, or just don't give two flying fucks about it.
[edit] Connie Bang
The proverbial "fat chick", Connie was Roger's number one prostitute for quite some time. She loved kinky sex, and later on in life, wrote a collective series of books on the subject, including "Hot Wax and You", "Erotic Axe and Icepick Usage: Just When You Thought Shit Couldn't Get Weirder", and, of course, "Happy Endings and You". In fact she was the only Asian in the town and her parents owned a Chinese restaurant named Big Dong's Egg Rolls. It rivaled the Honkie Burger until Neo-Nazis raided the place and killed her family.
[edit] Memorable episodes
Doug moves from Bloatsburg to Bluffington, ostracized for his sad disposition, tendency to write in a diary, and depressing olive green sweatervest. Labeled as the first emo kid to be shown on television.
Roger finally fucks Connie one too many times (he loves teh fatties), impregnates her, and rips the fetus out of her because he doesn't want to pay child support.
Mr. Dick is tried in federal court for child molestation charges in the episode "Mr. Dick Goes to Washington". The whole town is forced to testify against him. Memorable quotes from the episode:
- Prosecutor: "Mr. Funnie, please tell the jury exactly where Mr. Dick touched you."
- Doug: "I...I...cant do it."
- Prosecutor: "Mr. Funnie, we just want the truth."
- Skeeter: "C'mon Doug! Do it so we can get all this drama and pain behind us forever. Otherwise, you'll never convince Patty that you're man enough to bone her! HONK HONK!"
- Doug: "He touched my....little buddy!" *points to crotch and bursts into tears*
- Courtroom: *collective gasp*
- Mr. Dick: "You're dead to me, Douglas! Dead!"
- Doug: *crying* "I trusted you, you sick old bastard!"
- Judge: *pounds gavel* "Order! Order!"
- Mr. Dick: *lunges at Doug* "I'll find you, you little fuck! I'll find you, I'll sodomize you with my .45, and I'll blow your little shit factory straight to hell! YOU'RE DEAD!"
- Doug: "Ahhhhh!"
- Judge: "Baliff, restrain that man!"
- Mr. Dick: "DEAD, YOU HEAR?! DEAD!"
- Skeeter: "HONK HONK!"
Skeeter holds true to his name and gives Beebe a facial she will not soon forget.
BeeBe and Skeeter get married, but soon face troubles in the form of Paris Hilton and her Slut Diva Brigade, who come to kill Beebe for her refusal to fully act like the rich fucking cunt she was destined to've been. Thankfully, Doug, Skeeter, Roger, and Chalky all ganged up on them and bukkaked 'em to death. Many photos were taken.
Doug finally has sex with Patty but is interrupted when Skeeter walks in with a huge boner (and Beebe), hoping for a foursome, and mistakes Patty's giant vagoo for a sarlacc. Halarity ensues. HONK HONK!
[edit] Controversy
While the violent, mind-fucking chaos caused by Doug, Skeeter, and Roger is the prominent focus of most of the controversy, other subjects have been brooched that add equal public speculation. They are, in alphabetical order-
- AIDS
- Paganism
- Prostitution
- The French
- Controversy
- Emo kids
- David Lynch
- Teen Pregnancy
- Drug use
- Roger's huge cock
- Anti-semitism
- HONK HONK!
- Humping
- Delicious puff pastries
- Flying kites
- Incest
- Masturbation
- Why you shouldn't take a shit on someone's sofa
- What's a clutch?
- Doug FM
- MC Escher
While these are only a few of the controversial controversies controversially displayed on the controversial show Doug, there are many other equally controversial controversies to controversially be displayed controversially.
[edit] Where are they now?
Doug still lives in Bluffinton and is attempting to lead a legitimate life. He is the day manager at the Honkie Burger and makes minimum wage. He gained great notoriety when he put out a grease fire with his cock. He still suffers from depression after Porkshit's Roger-caused death, even after orchestrating the revenge against Klitz. He still dreams of one day having an actual family with Patty, but now has to wait until she awakens from her MMA-induced coma. HONK HONK!
Skeeter no longer stars in porno, and has actually delved into his creative side and has found success as a director. Under the name "Skeet Skeet Skeet" he has produced over 50 films under his company Big Skeet Industries. HONK HONK! Lil Jon and the Eastside Boys are pissed that he stole his new nickname from them and claim they will shoot him on site if they ever find him. He married his long time squeeze/fuckbuddy Beebe Bluff.
Patty has had to undergo multiple surgeries to help her cope with her raging steroid use. After an ass and breast implant surgery she has started to turn her life around. She found some work as a stripper but decided there would be more money if she became a prostitue instead. After a while the continual anal violation finally wore her down and she decided that she would try MMA. Kimbo Slice broke her neck in her first fight and she has been in a coma ever since. Doug occasionally visits her and cry's like a pussy by her bedside.
Roger managed to cope well after Chalky wrecked his ass with a piece of sports equipment, and started to focus more on the drug aspect of his life. He started selling crack to kids, at first in return for sex (girls only, boys paid in blood) but soon moved onto selling to the high rollers of Bluffington becoming a multi-millionaire. He used his newfound wealth to try and exact revenge on Doug for having Chalky ruin his anus, but all attempts on Doug's life failed. He himself was eventually killed after fucking over fellow drug lord Skunky Beaumont in a deal. Beaumont had Klitz's lifeless corpse fucked by one of his gayer cronies, to further add insult to injury. HONK HONK!
Judy was rated Bluffington's top prostitute three years in a row, narrowly beating BeeBe Bluff each time. She now runs her own reality site name chicksonkits.com which specializes in bestiality with kittens. HONK HONK! Roger's cat Stinky has reported been the main feature of the site.
Porkshit was killed when Roger pirforated his colon with his cock. HONK HONK!
Assistant Principal Boner still enjoys getting blow jobs, but now they are mostly from female students, as well as Mrs. Wingo whenever she feels frisky.
Mr. Dink is currently incarcerated at a maximum security prison in Texas for his trial and conviction on child molestation charges. He attempted to escape once but his ball sack got caught on the barbwire fence and was ripped off. HONK HONK! He did however manage to smuggle in his prized golden dildo which he uses on other inmates in order to assert his authority.
BeeBe Bluff began working as one of the world's most profficient whore house matrons after her marriage to Skeeter, and has been well known to cut off fingers, toes, tits, and dicks of both customers and employed hoes alike, usually when she's out of kittens to huff or someone looks at her funny.
Chalky Studabaker was rarley heard from after violently sodomizing Roger with a baseball bat on Doug's orders. His father so mortified when, misinterpreting the reason behind the act as being erotic, he thought his favorite offspring was gay, that he hung himself in his basement. Chalky is suspected of having enacted said hanging himself, but no sane investigator will go anywhere near that case nowadays. HONK HONK!
Connie now works as a hooker in Bloatsberg and has contracted every STD known to man. He flat rate of 5 cents bring all the men to the yard. Me love you long time! HONK HONK!
[edit] HONK HONK!
HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK! HONK HONK!
HONK MOTHERFUCKIN' HONK!
