HowTo:Get Downs Syndrome
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Special Henry followed these instructions with great success, his hands are also retarded.
“Look on the bright side, at least they aren't black”
~ Mino Peric
“See? I told you God makes the best jokes. ”
~ Oscar Wilde on Downs Syndrome
“GET UP, C'MON GET DOWNS AS A SICKNESS! ”
~ Disturbed on Downs Syndrome
“Cmon put it in your mouth, it tastes just like chocolate. ”
~ Micheal Jackson when left alone with downy
Contents |
[edit] Things To Consider Beforehand
Remember:
- People with Downs Syndrome are people too, but unlike us, under their human shell there is no soul.
- People with Downs Syndrome may not have feelings
- Who is to say that attacking those with Downs Syndrome is wrong?
- People with Downs Syndrome have voices too, but can only say the word 'downs,' shouted at random intervals and volumes.
- Downs Syndrome is a famous disease which has won two Oscars for Best Actor and Best Original Screenplay and an NME award for Best Live Act.
- Remember to bring a can of insect repellent, the smell can keep a Downie distracted for up to 24 minutes.
- Most (If not all) Russians have Down Syndrome, so if you can afford the time and money to visit, don't.
- Cheddar Cheese causes Down Syndrome
Maybe if we can follow these guidelines, one day people with Down Syndrome can lead happy, useful lives...but for right now, let's get ready to Get Downs Syndrome!!!
[edit] Preparing
- First and foremost, you must find a person with Downs Syndrome. There are a lot of them out there, and I'm sure you'll have no trouble.
- Next, you have to catch it. This may prove tricky, so here are some helpful hints:
- It may be useful to drug/intoxicate the person watching over the Downsy. They almost never travel alone, because they're too dumb to do anything for themselves.
- Lure the beast over with candy, or something sweet like a donut. Talk in a calm, gentle voice and tell them that everything will be ok.
- Once you've got them into your car, feel free to bind and gag the Downs Syndrome freak, or tie them up and stuff them into a trash bag. We recommend you store him/her in the trunk.
- If they begin to moan, scream, or act strange in any way, don't worry, they're just having a little separation anxiety. Just stop the car and use a taser, cattle-prod, or tranquilizer gun to make them quieter for the ride back home.
- Have a cage for a large dog prepared beforehand in your basement or attic. Line it with only newspaper and put it in the darkest corner of the room.
- Adorn the ceremonial cap.
- Once you've moved the heathen in, feed it only chicken bones, bread, and lukewarm tapwater. Do not speak to it, or make eye contact.
- Pick a day about three weeks after the capture, and make this day you will contract the wonderful disease of Downs Syndrome.
- Some scientists now suspect Downs Syndrome is actually an STD, so just to be sure you contract the disease you should forcibly have sex with it, just to be on the safe side.
[edit] Alternate Methods
- Downies are dangerous! The average Downs Syndrome victim bites with the tensile strength of a shark. Beware, for they are sneaky little bastards and can leap large distances. If you sight a promiscuously big Downie, walk up to it and lie down. Always keep a cattle prod in reach, for it might have sex with you! The often times drool on a regular basis. Do not fear their loud outbursts for they have no fucking idea what they're saying. All you have to say is, "Hahaha! That Downie is a silly bitch," then blast him with your Colt .45. If you cannot access your gun, it is probably because the Downie has stolen it from you. Immediately get wrist control, then subdue your crazed downy with a low-grade beaver tranquilizer. Mission success!
- Shove rocks up your nose.
- AHH RETARDED UGLY PEOPLE AHHHHH LULZ ROFL!!!!!11
- If bitten by a person with 'Downs Syndrome', make sure to amputate the part of your body before infection spreads (only in the case of arms or legs). If a bite is inflicted upon anywhere else on the body you are truly fucked. The infection usually takes 5-10 seconds to consume the average man.
[edit] Trivia
- G.W. bush is a downie
- A Downy's instinctual physical response to imminent death is to withdraw from all contact (humans and Downies alike), to crawl under the porch, and die alone. This inborn response is strikingly similar to that of other soulless beasts.
- Did you know that people with downs syndrome have only one emotion "downs".
- Downs sufferers do not understand the concept of time.
- When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't really pushing himself up, he's pushing Downs Syndrome.
- Downies can see straight through mirrors, some are even said to shoot meat from their noses. Downies at Operating Thetan level VI and above can shoot meat from their noses straight through mirrors. If you're a vegetarian and one lures you into a Hall of Mirrors, consider yourself fucked.
- Albert Einstein, Walt Disney, Robin The Boy Wonder, Peter Pan, Mickey Dolenz, Mike Nesmith and Davy Jones but not Peter Tork, Ghandi, Hitler, Jay Leno, Spongebob and Patrick, Tupac, Ronald McDonald, Vincent van Gogh,and your dead grandmother all had downs syndrome.
- Flavor Flav is the only person immune to the Downs Syndrome virus, but only because the virus refuses to infect him as it sees this as 'lowering it's standards'. However he is a carrier and all of his children have it.
- The actor who played 'Corky' on Life Goes On didn't really have Downs Syndrome to begin with, but was contractually required to get it once the show was picked up for a second season, otherwise the shows producers would have replaced him with Ted McGinley, who incidentally really does have Downs Syndrome.
- Downies always have the same hair cut, its installed in the factory
- The have the strength of 10 men! and can carry a small family car nearly 2km.
- Clothing your Downie should be in the height of 1980's cast outs. "Ibiza 1992" Shirts, or anything ill fitting to make your downie stand out! thus keeping any normal people at a distance from its unpredictable violent out bursts.
- Downies can get violent over the smallest thing! wrong coloured lego! A bus with words on the side! clouds!
- Every Simply Red album ever sold was bought by a Downie.
- Remember - A Downie is not just for Christmas. They can be for Easter, St. Patrick's Day or Mother's Day too. In fact any day is a good day to get out your Downie and laugh at it.
- Even animals can suffer the horrible/hilarious effects of Downs Syndrome.
- Downs Syndrome can be caused by a mutation on chromosome 21. Incidentally, 21 is the number of downies your mom did in college. (If you are reading this, you have gained a +5 arcane affinity for downies.)
In all Seriousness, Downs Syndrome is, well, Downsy, not to be confused with a Downsie= an inhereter of such disease. Let us clarify. A Downsie, obviously, is one who contracted the disease. Whereas a Downser, is someone who gives you the disease. For example, Downs Syndrome is when you have an extra 21st chromosome because your mom was a bad person and fucked when she was over 40. It could also mean that you inhereted it from a sneeze by one of the tards in your class. Remember, this disease can be DownsSexy.
A quick, four paragraph note, Downs Syndrome has its levels
but, because I have it myself
i'ma wait a til i get myself one of them accounts on the color screen
then i need a slober proof keyboard for my displaced jaw.
By the way, downsies do speak their own language consisting of grunts and claps, much like a negro.
