Dr. Robotnik
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Everything about this article is evil, the author is evil, the computer used is evil, and now you are evil. Go get a frickin shark and put a frickin lazer beam on its frickin head!
“ROBOTNIK! ROBOTNIK! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! ROBOTNIK! ROBTNIK! RAH! RAH! RAH!”
~ Robotnik on himself
“I swear to God, if that guy makes me look for those freaking emeralds again, I'm raising hell.”
~ Sonic on Robotnik taking the Chaos Emeralds.
Doctor Robotnik, whose real name is Doctor Ivo James Sr. Faggman, is a genius who wants to take over the world. He had two daughters and one son. He is also a balloon-shaped bastard who does evil achievements, practices, and challenges everyday. His evil achievements include destruction, forcing living beings to be fuel for robots, and taking over cities.
Contents |
[edit] Dr. Robotnik and the invention of Polish masturbation
Dr. Robotnik created Polish masturbation, according to several sources. See the following article: Masturbate , or read the quote from the article that relates to Robotnik:
Dr. Robotnik invented Polish masturbation by accident. One day, he made a machine that made someone incredibly dizzy by moving someone up, then down, then up, in a repetitive manner. He tested the creation on one of his many robots, better known as E-176 Phartegant. The robot was, after the test, incredibly dizzy and had a visual malfunction. The robot, however, in revenge, deleted it's master entry that Robotnik put in him to force him to follow any order he was given. He then caught Robotnik by surprise, and put him on the machine. He turned it around, so Robotnik would be squished against the wall, forcing his body to gain enormous amounts of friction when the machine was activated. However, at the time, Robotnik's PINGAS just happened to be erect, because apparently he was looking at a statue of a naked Rouge, according to eyewitness and stalker Yoda. Robotnik, after having his PINGAS face enormous amounts of friction, and a weird pumping feeling on his PINGAS, suddenly felt the urge to release his piss. He, unfortunately, was not let off of the machine to take a piss, so he released his piss. But apparently, he noticed it wasn't piss, it was sperm. Therefore, he figured out a way to get sperm out of his PINGAS without a woman being around. Eventually, the robot felt he had dealt enough revenge, and stopped the machine. Robotnik went to his computer, and he soon spread this technique via the internet, especially on Christian message boards, which for some reason went unmoderated due to "the popularity of the topic."
[edit] Robotnik's Tales
There were many times Robotnik attempted his sexual raping assaults towards NiGHTS . Some of them were in;
- Sonic Riders: He saw NiGHTS the first time, he nearly died of an oversized erection.
- Behind the Games: He jumped on NiGHTS to rape her, but she got away.
- The problem of the PINGAS: He sucsessfuly kidnapped her, then bondaged and raped her, only to be pwned epically when the whole thing was broudcasted onto MTV, where the quote, "CUT THE MONITERS" comes from. Let's just say, the moniters remained un-cut and MTV's veiwers trippled in one day (from 33 to 99.)
[edit] How Robotnik got fat
He ate much bumfart. Also it was because he flew around in this weird spaceship thing, that was completely useless and which Sonic could always defeat. If The Robotnik(as he was known in the hood) had got off his lazy ass and done some exercise he may well have prevailed in the thousand year war against Sonic! But alas this was not the case, he came, he saw, he got conquered(again).
Another commonly held theory is that he, like many others, tried and failed to lose weight on the Atkins Diet. After stuffing himself with all the fried eggs and bacon he could find, he has become the oval-shaped menace we know today.
However, some Conspiracy Theroists say the reason for his huge egg shaped body is due to the fact that his mightly PINGAS (said to be over 9000 feet) is wrapped around his perfect body.
[edit] Why Robotnik is a Doctor
Robotnik, from 1987 to the present, was a chiropractic and gynecologist at the Sparksville Doctor Offices. He earned a Doctorate's degree in Medical Science, a Doctorate's degree in robotics, a Master's degree in the application of ketchup, and a Doctorate's degree in having sex, which got him hired as the main doctor at Sparksville Doctor Offices after posting his resumé there. He has inspected over 200,000 people in all parts of their body, which, without a doubt, includes sexual organs. Some have accused him of man-rape while trying to inspect these organs, however. Robotnik tells the press that this is a false accusation made by critics.
Another reason he is a doctor is that he wanted to be on MTV Cribs, and needed a pimpin' house. He also is a fucking piece of deep shit when it comes to paying taxes.
[edit] Why Robotnik is a bastard
- He has attempted to and succeeded to kill Sonic the Hedgehog's family.
- He created the Cybermen, which proceeded to kill everything.
- He is an egg.
- He is evil.
- He defies the Holy Trinity of the Hedgehog and caused Jesus-Sonic's death.
- He is the Robotnik.
- PINGAS!
- They are the eggmen.
- He is the walrus
- goo goo g'joob.
- He got his PINGAS replaced by a huge tredmill and dug the grand canyon with it. This is a recording of the event.
- He voted yes on Proposition 201, meaning he supports bear maulings.
- He likes to spit in your babies' faces.
- He slept with your Mom last night.
- He never falls through the floor, despite his weight.
- He always seems to want to wax and polish his head.
- PINGAS!
- He won't let anyone crack him open and cook him for Breakfast.
- He gave up on Happy tree friends (because Fippy don't care about him)
- He is fat.
- He is a bastard
- He clubs seal pups to death with grounder
- He's a fat Chuck Norris!
- He was a huge Bush supporter.
- He humps his little Egg Carrier when Sonic kicked his ass in the Mystic Ruins.
- Fat-Bastard handed down his torch to Robotnik.
- He has a PINGAS for a head
- He has two pairs of sunglasses.
- He is the father of Cream the Rabbit.
- PINGAS!
- He can't eat cake because cake is made with eggs and he would be practicing cannibalism. Wouldn't you be bitchy if you couldn't eat cake?
- He used eggs to try to kill Sonic (remember he's one himself, right?)
- Used metal Sonic to kill Sonic, which didn't work. Fat bastard's copying sonic's appearance because he jealous of him!
- He doesn't care about the earthquakes he causes by walking.
- He doesn't care about the children who become deaf from his pounding feet
- He's a crater who crashed into earth
- He eats grues...now that's EVIL
- PINGAS!
- He's a Nazi shown here.
- He wants to marry Marilyn Manson!
- He is a fat egg that smells of my granny!
- He tried to rape Tails.
- Some liad he got from the last days.
- He had sex with Scratch and Grounder. Witness it here!
- Robotnik ordered Scratch and Grounder to rape Sonic and demoted Coconuts to molesting children. A recorded video of the event.
- He's one bad mother fucker
- He's in the KKK and admits it
- Hes had sex with richard nixon
- He likes to fuck little kids
- He's no fucking good
- He slept with Wario and admits it
- He looks like a fucking egg
- He's technically a robot
- PINGAS!
- He has no idea how many lights there are on a Christmas tree
- He invented TPS reports.
- He killed Horris
- He loves his gameBOI
- He loves cock in his mouth
- He's M.J.'s Butt Buddy
- He LOVES sonic and tales, that's why he stalks them!
- He was featured in the Paris Hilton Sex Tape
- He is a major procrastinator, holding off until tomorrow (several days in a row) the invention of "those blueprints", more PINGAS, his sewer which he plugged with crud and sludge and "shlemmer in the cooler". Witness him admitting it here (In a very catchy song.)
- He hedges that hatehog. Robotnik hedging that hatehog with a vengeance.
- He Was Michael Jackson's Lab Partner
- He Invented Hitler
- PENISH
- He's relatied to Stalin
- He became a school principal and had butt sex with another principal. Witness the recording here.
[edit] Humanly Resemblance
Dr. Robotnik bears startling resemblance to a particular person - a world renowned photographer by the name of Ang Meng Chang. In actual fact, Dr. Robotnik's physical resemblance was taken from an accidental encounter with the above mentioned. An impression which proved lasting (for many of us as well) and horrific (for many of us as well). Robotnik tells us that Robotnik's character is too, based on this horrifying social menace which serves to inform the world of his existence and hopes that he faces condemnation everywhere he goes - apparently the United Safaris of Africa. So to all the Africans out there, beware of your eggs.
[edit] His theme song
Dr. Robotnik was once a partime rapper and made his theme song. With Robotnik's helpful permission of sampling Eminem's "The Real Slim Shady", his parody theme song is entitled "The Real Robotnik". You can hear the song only on YTMND. The keyword is "Robotnik". The link to the song is over here.
[edit] Robotnik Today
Dr. Robotnik has now retired. After being defeated so many times, he decided to try a different approach. Instead of destroying the world to win NiGHTS' affection, instead he plans to date her. He lost weight and is walking instead of flying his crap-tastic ship, that always seems to break after 8 hits from Sonic, no matter how much Pimp-My-Ride does that shit up. Maybe because building a pool table in the back, or having a disco ball inside, provides no additional support for battles. Who knows? Unfortunately, NiGHTS hasn't returned any of Robotnik's calls.
Robotnik is a pedophile now. Instead of putting robotic arms and legs on animals, he puts robotic vaginas on little girls. Well, they're little animal girls, more or less.
Roumours were spread that he had sucsessfuly made a clone army of Rouge the Bat to "sexualy keep him company," but that dosen't matter. It just means that all the rapists and tentecal rape monsters get more target practice.
[edit] The subspace army
The evil doctor was actually part of the subspace army he disigned the button thingy ganon used on the R.O.B.s .He never showed up because the fatass just stayed at home reading comic books of the shity company that gave sonic a bad name archie comics.
