Dr. Lan
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
An Asian male, most often pot-bellied and situated within a suburban area. They tend to take their daily activities with a serious view and most always time their goings-on (preferably using an egg timer, carried within a black briefcase). They speak with a thick Asian accent, often considered demonic or l33t.
[edit] Derivatives
To be considered a Dr. Lan, one must meet the following qualities which are derivatives of different cultures.
- Must be a middle-aged Asian male.
The males of Asia tend to have thicker accents when attempting to speak English. A Dr. Lan will fail to both comprehend the English being spoken to him and his own broken english, as well as be incomprehensable himself. The middle-age results in a traditionally wrinkled face (which obscures the view of the already narrow eyes) and the physical traits that are true to a Dr. Lan; a pot-belly and slightly slumping shoulders.
- Must possess an egg-timer.
A Dr. Lan cannot exist without an egg timer. The two form a symbiotic relationship with one another, the egg-timer scheduling the tasks performed and the Dr. Lan having some company. The initial bit of scheduling during a session of using the egg-timer is considered "Bell Work", or as a Dr. Lan would call it, "Behr wock". From there, further tasks will be compiled into a schedule that is based upon five minutes, the wringing of the egg-timer, the resetting of the egg-timer, and another five minutes. This cycle cannot be broken and is written into a Dr. Lan's genetic code.
- Must pretend to be a Doctor.
A Dr. Lan will request upon first meeting with him that you consider him a 'Doctor' and always refer to him as "Dr." Lan. Or as the request goes, "Dock-a-tuh Lahn". It is obvious however that a Dr. Lan is unable to commandeer anything and would be denied a doctorate in that he cannot speak proper engrish.
- Must confuse english words.
Being a Dr. Lan, speaking with the heavy Asian accent, words are often misconstrued to form funny American words, such as "Election Day" becoming "Erection Dayah."
- Must NOT understand the concept of 'joke'.
Actual Quote ~ "Doctor Lan, tell us a joke!" "Okah, my daughteh have-a ah rabbit. And rone day, itt-ah storm outseye. Rain. Itt-ah rain outseye and-ah thundah, and when she rook in ah mornirng, dah rabbits died. Dey dead."
- When telling an actual joke, it must be well-played out.
A Dr. Lan will make extravagant hand motions to accent the already corny, "I've heard that one before" jokes he tells. Though most often, the delivery is funnier than the punch line.
