Dr. Paul Joseph Göbbels
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“Good fellow, that Göbbels. I seem to remember he was looking for work in the thirties, but he sure kept busy after that. Some government job, if I remember correctly?”
~ Captain Oblivious on Dr. Paul Joseph Göbbels
“Ah, how superior those self-styled "übermenchen" are. I mean, imagine being as tall as Joseph Göbbels, as athletic as Hermann Göring, and as fair as Heinrich Himmler. I'm sure that these alleged "superhumans" can all run 100 meters in under 9.80 seconds, hold their breath under water for 30 minutes and levitate telekinetically...”
~ Captain Sarcasm on people like Joseph Göbbels
“Trust me; I'm a doctor.”
~ Joseph Goebbels on himself
Dr. Paul Joseph Göbbels was a dancing cartoon skeleton. He held a PhD in Acting Theory, as well as BAs in Dance History and Antisemitism, all from the University of Vollendsunechtdeutschestönendname.
Göbbels acted with great success in the animated films of the 1910s and 1920s, including "I Shall Most Assuredly Vanquish You, You Rapscallious Animal Who Is Disturbing My Most Awaited of Naps" and "Dearest Sir, I Believe That Our Dropping of Very Similar Briefcases as a Result of Our Collision on a Crowded Sidwalk and Our Mutual and Hurried Picking Up of the Incorrect Briefcase May Indeed Have Caused Hilarious Consequences For the Both of Us To-Day."
The global economic depression in the 1930's forced Göbbels to leave acting. Göbbels soon managed to obtain a political job with the Nazi Party, the details of which are viewed by most Uncyclopedians to be "uninteresting". He himself listed his political views as "other", a viewpoint shared by France, who professed a "profound admiration" for the man.
Göbbels suffered from Advanced Skeletonism and an Irreducible Two-Dimensionality Complex- that is to say, he was literally a two-dimensional skeleton.
[edit] Post-war: Career in Advertising
“We haven't been killing off any people, we were merely turning them into Soylent Green!”
~ Joseph Göbbels on explaining the holocaust
Finding himself unemployed and with no real skills, Joseph did the one thing for which he was qualified: advertising. He signed on as a junior mail clerk at the prestigious firm of Cheetum, Fukum and Feelgudaboudit on July 1 1948. On his third day of work, Goebbels was whistling as he sorted the mail and one of the firms partners, Dewey Fukum heard the tune. He decided it was perfect for his new radio campaign for Brill Cream.
Göbbels then had a meteoric rise in the Ad game. His notions of making people afraid of not owning a product is the linchpin the modern industry. Early on he voiced his theory thus: "We need to convince every moron out there that they stink if we're to sell this pointless shit." He was working on the early Ban deodorant campaign for the new Zyklon B deodorant. Ever since, at least 90% of all advertisements have used his basic philosophy of "scare 'em to fukum."
He died in 1971 of extreme body odor.
