Drinking
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“Poto, ergo sum. I drink therefore I am.”
“Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, so let's all get wasted and have the time of our lives”
~ Britney Spears on Drink
“We live as we drink... Alone”
~ Joseph Conrad on Drink
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[edit] Past
The habit of drinking was introduced to Britain by the Vikings sometime earlier than anyone cared to take note of, having been invented by Beverley, an ancient ancestor of Dame Edna Everage. The upturned horned helmet of the Viking made a superb drinking vessel and after countless mutilations on the field of battle a Viking would like nothing more than to dip his horns into the blood of the deceased and recount old sea shanty songs about moisture, the purpose of masts and how cute the ship's cabin boy was.
Contrary to popular belief drinking is not related to eating, although a recent court action has ruled that genetic testing must be undertaken to prove this.
[edit] Present
You bought a beer yesterday. It's in the fridge, next to the 3 day old salami sandwich. Consume and thou shalt make haste into the after world of Valhalla, the resting place to which pork based sausage laced with various spices will be sent.
So goes the infamous Viking drinking song, chanted at parties and barmitzvas in order to summon the great Dwarfs of the vagina plains. It has often been noted that Dwarfs look really cute in Viking hats, although no specific scientific analysis of this phenomenon has so far been undertaken.[1]
[edit] Being Totally Wasted
A common example of the effects of being totally wasted:
"cause like...this is wat we write lol with jim beam and coke a flowing...i want a pimped out caddilac owned by some pimp...OWNED lol boom headshot. if he was really angry he would have thrown it at us" -Jimbo, 25
[edit] Future
Dwarfs often label the future The time whenst all ale shall be consumed. It was once believed that the consumption of fine ale was the only way to prepare oneself for entrance into the darkness of a Vagina. Modern interrogation techniques and advanced subterranean drilling have all but proved this theory wrong, although Dwarfs still tend to get shit faced just before a major Gynaecological expedition.
“Curse is the work of the drinking classes”
~ Oscar Wilde on frat brothers
[edit] Popular Drinks
- Water
- Milk
- Marquis de Sade
- Milk of Magnesia
- Moisture
- Snakebite
- Cold Spit
- White Russian
- Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster
- Paraguayan Death Whiskey
- Pearl Milk Tea
- Karsk
- Paris Hilton
[edit] See also
- Beirut, the capital city of drinking games
- Dunedin, the captial city of scarfie drinking games, couch burning and trolley races
- Dwarfs
- Time Travel
- plumb pudding
- Ale
- Oscar Wilde
- Drunk
- Tomtebloss
- Mage
