Drive by shooting
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[edit] The types of Drive-By
Drive-byes come in many different varieties. There is the Water Ballooning type, which is quite self-explanatory. There is also the pieing type, in which the subject is pied, and the fruiting type, made famous by Mrs. Doubtfire. Then there is the more well-known drive-by shooting. However, the type that is commonly regarded as most deadly is the drive-by uraniumizing, in which the target is subject to lethal radioactive poisoning, as are the drivers. Therefore, it is also one of the only suicidal drive-byes. Jesus H. Christ is widely regarded as the only person to ever survive a drive-by uraniumizing.
[edit] Instructions
The drive by may seem frustrating to accomplish at first, it can be easily done and repeated. Many have tried and failed, but also many have mastered the grand art of drive-bys. Here are some instructions for beginners.
1. Get an item to use as drive-by material.
2. Get a bite to eat.
3. Get in the car.
4. Pick a victim and/or house (preferably Jackson Griffith)
5. Throw, shoot, or radiationalize your victim.
Those are the basics of the drive-by. One huge technique of master drive-byers is to spice up what you throw. Here is a list of things to throw that might spark the mind of the amateur.
1. Toilet bowl lids
2. Cats
3. Money
4. Leftovers
[edit] The history of the Drive-by
Nobody truly knows who invented the Drive-by, but some say it was Mandalaav, the man who made the Periodic Table. What is known is that it wasn't made popular until the passing of the Sixteenth Amendment, which forced people to make intoxicating drinks in their bathtubs and/or toilets. Common drinks made at this time were whiskey and beer. There was an almost-legitimate alcool brewing business, and at many points th milkman got so drunk that he drank all the milk and filled them with piss. The general public was apalled, but that's not important. What's important was the constant fight between minor alcohol brewing businesses. Because of the fifteenth amendment, guns were illegal, so people were driveby-ized with whatever was at hand (usually pies). At this day and age it has evolved into a sport much like paintball.
[edit] How to choose a victim
The choosing of a victim is simple. Simply pick someone that you strongly dislike, normaly dislike, weakly dislike, neutrally like, or like some what. In history, mobsters have simply picked people who looked at them funny. However, the best victims are people who don't know you, or do not own any cars. Planning is equally as important. A good resource is a hired stalker, a.k.a. a private eye. Once you know the victim's daily routine, you begin the second stage of planning.
[edit] How to choose a weapon/driver
The weapon in the drive-by is equally important as the driver himself. Unfortunately, some of the most talented and gifted drive-by drivers of this day and age have either been shot or put in jail. The weapons, too, aren't allowed out, as many are rabid animals. In one of the most famous drive-bies in modern history, a philosopher was attacked with rational thinking. The man has supposedlybeen put into the wacky shack, also known as the insane asylum. Every target has a weapon that suits him/her best, but please, never use a machine gun or handgun. That's far too blunt. Instead, do something more artistic.
